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Ran across this comic while rummaging in old folders for a sign it had all been worth it. The outline for this Nice Pete manuscript began to unfurl in my head: there would be discussion of many practical considerations, such as whether any chickens or dogs in the area might alert to your presence. Obfuscation, of course, such as wearing shoes with a smaller, false sole, or a ladies' office pump. Cautious and inchoate jabs at a crude ethos would even appear here and there, like loose sundries in a grandmother's shoebox: not formed enough for its own chapter, but evidence of a pathology the author is too broken to objectively examine. Like a badger beneath a camp blanket he knows it is there, but its revelation and wet eyes are a tangle that would solve nothing and impress no-one.

I had a hard time shaking the feeling that I'd posted this before, since it's such a prime morsel of the old times, but I did not find it elsewhere in the Patreon collections. Please alert-and-forgive if I am mistaken, and I will post an alternate piece for today. Nobody is getting burned on this deal. Nobody is getting burned on this deal.

Files

Comments

Jenn

Can't rightly say I've seen this before. I love Nice Pete, I would remember

Matt Mitchell

I definitely don’t remember it, and I feel like I would, had you posted it previously.

Matt Powell

I don't think I would have felt burned in any case.

Matt Mitchell

“A regular sort of murder” or something like that ha

Seth Hoveland

Oh really? Then how come you sold your eyes?!

Achewood

Thank you, in a way. If that is a, "saying," which you find pleasant.

Achewood

Not a Jumbotron murder, those are extra

Achewood

Tryin' not to lay the sizzle down in here

Achewood

Technically I sold my eyes to Dr. Winston Chamberlain in 2014, when I bought some Lasik from him. And while my corneas literally burned with the odor of singed hair, I ultimately feel like I got the better end of the bargain.

b.zap

It's always deja vu with that Nice Pete fella

Bruce Wright

You can put shoes on the cow! It worked in Mayberry

Achewood

He knows just the right angle at which to flicker into your dimension of awareness in order to create the sensation of unease.

Achewood

Still groggy, I briefly wondered if this comment was from a different, unrelated thread.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

I don't recall seeing this before but I am unreliable. Good old Pete. Yet again, we find you.

Bruce Wright

No, no, I'm running with the crime theme

Clench and Cheese

Dude you know we're all always reposting every single thing you ever put out there. I tend to value an artist on the range, quantity, and quality of the output (especially if this is sustained over a long period). Your short form work is absolutely extraordinary, and you've given us so much in the way of nuanced character. Your creations are real to me and millions more. So yeah, totally worth it. And totally worth it to keep on doing it.

Achewood

It's time for some Pete. Been too long since the Egyptian Sacred Math Rock adventure.

Achewood

Thanks so much for the buoying words! As a fellow writer you know they are rare and very motivating.

Achewood

Would greatly enjoy an episode of CSI: Las Vegas where the pit bosses are thrown off by a cow playing Blackjack in four human shoes. (The cow is also a murderer)

Douglas Wykstra

The Elements of Murder was considered the standard tome for budding murderers for a long time, but its overuse in introductory murder classes (combined with persnickety instructors who misinterpreted its rather stringent prescriptions as gospel rather than a useful perspective on murder that could eliminate many elementary mistakes but also be ignored if the situation called for it) eventually led to a backlash among its putative audience, many of whom would go on to declare that proper murder scholarship ought to look at murders in their own unique socio-cultural contexts rather than score them against a rote checklist of elements, which seemed to be frequently arbitrary and/or steeped in the mores of midcentury rural-Appalachian geek murder, which by that point was mostly the domain of murder's fusty old guard and interacted uncomfortably with the cultural diversity that had been flourishing in the field of late. This backlash was then met by a counter-backlash among conservative-minded murderers who felt that, while the book's perspective was admittedly blinkered, so was that of their students, most of whom were not interested in the more high-minded cultural goals of homicidiary academe, but simply wanted to learn how to kill someone without getting caught. As it currently stands, the text remains on university book lists, but usually in the "Recommended/Supplementary Texts" section, and it varies from instructor to instructor how much they actually use it in class.

Achewood

You are Hired to write the weekly blurb instead of me now. Your fiesta name is Joel Steinmetz. (for those unfamiliar with the reference, he's the fictitious scholarly historian of the Great Outdoor Fight, appearing in the print edition, but also once in the In-Universe Tier)

Anthony Thompson

"Brothers!" Polyphemus cried out piteously, "Someone is getting burned on this deal!"

Nate

I would love to know what exactly it is about T that summons the red hot blankness within Pete.

Nate

"I love Nice Pete" should be the only sentence required for 3 days of intensive psychiatric study and a permanent addition to some sort of watchlist

Jenn

I laughed so loud. Thanks for that

Achewood

"Et tu, Brute?" — Caesar, getting burned on that deal

Achewood

T comes across as an inconsequential beta-male, I imagine. And while I suspect "beta male" may have a more specific and even partisan flavor at the current time, I simply mean it as one who defers rather than leads.

Achewood

The Cho-munity is here for this.

Nate

It's interesting because I always thought there was a sort of disdain from Pete towards T's semi-latent homosexuality not becoming un-latent homosexuality, which seems to be the only orientation that Pete finds acceptable (ie: not always requiring murder).

Nate

I'm so glad. For a moment, I thought "by god I hope this person takes this as a genuine goofy send up and not an actual aspersion towards their person." Thank you for confirming the safe landing of the joke lol

Achewood

This is insightful and I like it. Also, the "acceptable things do not require murder" binary logic gate.

The Good Poster

"Eat a realm of ass, Teodor", implores Nice Pete in the only way he knows how.

2scrogz

"Nobody got burned on this deal. Nobody got burned on this deal," I repeat to myself, as I shrink and slowly turn into a corncob who was somehow the only one burned on this deal. (I'm kidding, I'm definitely a satisfied customer, but who can resist some internet-meme hybridization?)

Bill

That is a solid book cover. Subject matter aside, I think that's the kind of cover Cornelius would nod approvingly at.

b.zap

T is a Performative Male. He just hasn't found his proper stage yet.

Achewood

Yeah, he definitely has a macroeconomic theory one in that flavor, or at least a copy of Utopia.