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Was this strip really off-brand enough to not get the Achewood masthead? Was I worried the primary audience had had enough prurient humor, so I put this behind the saloon doors? I'm not sure how many tweedy, joyless readers Achewood has — cranks who sniff sharply in offense before clicking their laptop shut and placing the pince-nez back in its case — but I should remind myself that it's not their heart I am after.

Also: what is that massive serial number. I wonder if it's a code whose key I forgot.

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Comments

Dickie

"....Yours Truly, Mr. Raymond Q. Smuckles, President."

GruntyGinMan

Damn once you get rejected from the Penis Club there's no going back. Obviously this does not affect penis-havers rejecting, as T found out on that Van Ride with NP.

Johnny Deans

I am deeply pondering the specifics of the application…

Johnny Deans

Is a photo required or would a sketch suffice?

Matt Mitchell

Perfect for a latter-day short form piece! And part of my attraction to Achewood is indeed the catholic nature of the humor. “High”, “low”, and all points on the continuum.

GC

Does the code represent the precise parameters that define his penis, used by the club as a unique identifier?

Johnny Deans

Or an impression, such as when you order custom orthotics…

A. Hamster

“Cranberries need not apply”

Joshua M

One of those comics I’m glad I opened on my phone because scrolling across the bottom strip to reveal the punchline made it so much better.

Sean Wolf

The AI generated logo was, fortunately, rejected.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

The D Club is the downmarket version of the PCSoA. Search "The D Club" in quotes to see what I mean. Men do be penising.

A. Hamster

Length, girth, shaft tapering, testicle symmetry, head shape.

Conor Nelson

"At this level, the market demands non-linear value. We go down to a single ball". is an all time favorite line

Bruce Wright

All beyond help in Téodor's case, alas

Achewood

Damn. That was also a perfect punchline.

Derek Dolezal

'can't chat now, bro - I'm three-ballin' was my away message for years

Achewood

Please install the most recent update to continue using your PenOS.

Achewood

I just realized the last one is the zip code of one of the towns I grew up in.

Achewood

Story Arc idea: Téodor dies and is sent to Medium Hell, where he meets fellow rejected PCSA member Karl Lagerfeld.

Sean Wolf

I imagine Rod Huggins doing commercials for this group like drunk Orson Welles for that champagne company in the 80s.

Achewood

I'm kind of surprised a term this universal and simple hasn't already been claimed by someone besides Arin the video game kid.

Achewood

I definitely see the hand of early AI in this penis club logo now

Achewood

On the other hand, I'm sorry your entire screen was filled with a horrific dong

Achewood

I just learned that a cranberry is of the genus and species Vaccinium oxycoccos, and oxy-coccos also sounds like a term you don't want applied to your manhood.

Achewood

This is a nice thought. I like it. Thank you.

Achewood

I like the idea of a haiku form whose first line has to have 7560 syllables. "The United States Constitution is the first line of this haiku."

Achewood

I thought Catholic humor was mostly just when they slide the little confessional door open and Shane MacGowan has stumbled in to use it as a glory hole

Achewood

"Measuring from behind the balls is strictly prohibited."

Achewood

In a way, all windowless vans are penis clubs. This is why you don't go a-knockin'.

GC

Thank *you* for nearly a quarter-century of hilarity, incisiveness, empathy, and hard-earned joy, as well as for this top-shelf dick joke.

Matt Mitchell

It is, that’s exactly what I meant.

Nicholas Williams

"I should remind myself that it's not their heart I am after." No. It's their penis.

Anthony Thompson

A finger does not imply a whole hand, Chris.

Steven McGraw

Is that the same dove that returned to Noah after the flood?

b.zap

Circus Penis isn't just a client … he's the president!

jordan b.

unfortunately for Téodor, the mainframes at PCSA headquarters have been able to filter out magic realism dick pics since 2017.

A. Hamster

Rush Limbaugh used to score oxy-coccos from his housemaid, if I recall.

Bill

Téodor dodged a bullet there. Can you imagine the withering scorn from Cornelius upon hearing that he'd joined a "club society," regardless of its subject matter?

Matthew Nickerson

I remember being forced to Google 'Karl Lagerfeld' after that one

Asherdan

Damn, only a coupla months into this Patreon and I'm hooked, line and sinker.

Jenn

I cannot heart this. I feel so sad for him 🤣

The Good Poster

What was Teodor sulking about in panel one? So many possibilities. Achewood: a webcomic with texture (unlike Teodor's penis, possibly listed among the reasons for his rejection)

David Mandeix

There is for sure an essay portion.