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Achewood ))) variations ((( — "Liquor Cabinet Taste Test" (Patreon)

Published:
2025-11-05 18:00:15
Edited:
2025-11-07 04:48:46
Imported:
2026-09
Tags:

Content

In this new series, we examine the roads not taken — strips which could have been. Here I present to you riffs on the very sixteenth Achewood strip, October 22, 2001, "Liquor Cabinet Taste Test."

Files

Comments

Eric Manschot

As out of character as it is for Cornelius to not know basic liquors, that last line is still classic Achewood and makes its way out of my mouth on the yearly occasion where I am more than three sheets to the wind.

Oppido

I have the sense that some Achewood readers have mentally jettisoned from canon the early-days strip where Cornelius is excited about meeting Flavor Flav. But my own headcanon is that Connie admires some bold sartorial choice of Flav's (not the clock; something more subtle) and wanted to pay his respects to this unorthodox thinker.

Daniel M Ford

The third panel of the original strip has had a long history as a "reaction image" on twitter/bluesky, at least among the circles of Achewood-loving people I have run in.

Conor Nelson

literal lol at final panel. Almost did a fucking spit take

Bruce Wright

And so our colonoscopy theme continues! Also, ‘Bolshevik graffiti solvent’ is a label for the ages (‘and a good name for a band’ — tm Dave Barry)

Jenn

My feelings about tequila exactly! On a more serious note, glad you have come back from the oblivion of those bitter companions. Keep coming, it works if you work it (as they say)

Shawn Ritchie

lol phillipe jump scare to end it, nice

Joshua M

Agave spirits and conflict with law enforcement have a long tangled history together in the Achewood universe.

jordan b.

love the surprise darkness at the end.

b.zap

Mr Bear bat flipping a shot glass

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

The second one down made me smile instead of laughing. But yeah, that last panel. Philippe would be so happy that you're okay now.

Gurglepot

Thankfully the liquor cabinet did not yet contain the whiskey à la mood sampler.

Zen Window

i'm glad psychedelic fictional landlord onstad exists as a foil to healthier living for the real one because without the real one we don't get any more of the fictional one but i do wonder about the comics that psychedelic fictional landlord onstad would make about the real one sometimes

blair

"Wither my polyps" sounds like something churned out by a 19th-century oath generator.

Achewood

Hello everyone! I have been in a colonoscopy all morning but the propofol is fading and I will soon be chatting with you — HIGH

Achewood

And "Whither my polyps" a line from a cackling proctologist

Achewood

Let's find out before the colonoscopy propofol wears off

Achewood

It actually did, sometimes. And at first it was the super engaged witty one, but then later they only sent me the morose one :(

Achewood

Vodka is bullshit, right? I mean, just as a mass-market product. It's like open-source alcohol you have to know what to do with.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

Yeah vodka is weak everclear. Flavored vodkas have their uses but college girls will find a way to get barfing drunk regardless.

Achewood

I was like, "How do I end this entry. Well, let's take a step back and look at the topic. Oh, shit. Alright, that works."

Achewood

Even as a sober fifty year old man with his hands ever at ten and two, I still fear the police. This baffles me.

Achewood

And it's a good thing the fuzz didn't find the boys all turnt on Blue Nun

Achewood

It was originally a silent panel, but then I was like, "authors self-flagellate for money, right?"

Achewood

I remember those meetings! Some real burned-up souls over yon. These days, I work it by working out, but ymmv.

Achewood

The colonoscopy theme is just about over, except probably for one author's tier recap.

Achewood

And that was the goal. I think I wrote that at 4:45 this morning while waiting for bowel prep to spray out of my body

Achewood

Propofol might be the closest thing we have to magic. That I am willing to tangle with.

Bruce Wright

I like potato vodkas. Mouth feel's a little less like rubbing alcohol.

Achewood

Would it ruin it for everyone if I finally clarified that Mr. Bear was simply declaring he was not afraid of Sting, Andy Summers, and Stewart Copeland?

Achewood

Much in the same way Ron Swanson giggles like a child at meeting his esoteric heroes, Cornelius can get goony over his.

Achewood

Yeah, from what I have seen over the years it's a top-ten canon line for people. Which is funny, because I would imagine most peoples' pulse rises when the police come calling.

Achewood

I found it compelling that distilleries effortlessly switched to bottling "hand sanitizer" during covid, yet nobody subjectively reevaluated their booze.

Achewood

It certainly could be boring, but now that I can watch the video of the dog peeing while handstanding on his forelegs (my euphemism for social media) whenever I want, things are a little easier.

Conor Nelson

Definitely not the worst you've felt at 4:45AM after dealing with a surfeit of liquids, I imagine.

Conor Nelson

The wine so bad it made the news

Asherdan

Loving the rough chuckles.

Achewood

This could actually refer to several vastly different experiences — as a homeowner, a father, a bowelsman, a drinker, a lover...

Achewood

Come for the chuckles, stay for the chafing

jordan b.

"Lie Bot, what is the saddest thing?"

Kriegsaffe No. 9

Deep respect for you finding sobriety, friend.

Kriegsaffe No. 9

I got a 300-dollar ticket (in 2010s money) for not coming to an even fuller stop than I already had while driving at 10 MPH in a neighborhood while extremely sober, and I still feel my hackles raise when I see a cop of any description.

C C

Blue Nun, that long, sweet fade in to reckless aggression and depravity

Bill

"Bolshevik graffiti solvent" is extremely the kind of wordplay I'm here for

Achewood

Thanks! It was hidden SUPER well

Achewood

It came to me after two days of fasting a a long night of painting the bowl

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

I never tasted potato vodka I don't think. I was always a cocktail girlie when I drank at all. A blackberry brandy old fashioned or a dark and stormy or a gin and tonic with about 50 limes.