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Your mother's Thanksgiving decorations may be ruined forever, and you will never again look at squirrels without a tear of respect sliding down your cheek: that is what it means to read this week's installment of the great...RAY IS ON METH IN AN AIRPLANE BATHROOM journey in which we've found ourselves!

If you haven't already, please consider bumping up to Tier 2, because later today — like every Friday — another, behind-the-scenes version of this comic will post! Plus you'll get about 235 other pieces of pure Achewood content, including a big trove of new Ray's Place, comics that were never on achewood.com, zine pieces, and so much more. It is common to compare the price of this upgrade to that of a cup of coffee, but in reality, most coffee drinks cost more than the difference.

Files

Comments

Josh Egbert

I just fucking knew Reddit would doom the planet.

Achewood

Even the golf equipment Reddit is toxic

Marc Harkness

I love the product differentiation being a quill pen, and the meaning that it packs.

boothnavy

No one wants a lumpy cock.

Douglas Wykstra

This comic now has me wondering about the interplay of nature and nurture in the Squirrel family, and whether all the plans of any of its members inevitably metamorphose into ingesting a fuck-ton of unregulated substances.

Tucker

Due to my experiences in a previous "career" working with digital assets for offset printing, had a legit LOL for "mein_logo.eps".

Clench and Cheese

"Why is the cock so lumpy?" is the kind of question my brother and I might ask at dinner if we didn't like the trend of conversation. Sometimes with gestures.

Bruce Wright

"Kissed by the mooncalf longer than most" is the sort of observation that keeps me here.

Achewood

We may need a separate tier where we trade offset lithography war stories. Were you of the aldus pagemaker era?

Achewood

An asteroid wiped out all intelligent life, leaving squirrels. The document was politely vague on whether squirrels were counted as intelligent life.

Achewood

Can’t talk now bro I’m two-brainin’

Tom P

Todd knows the difference, but he is an "intactivist," and wishes to obtain Jorg-Dieter's funding for anti-circumcision-for-squirrels agitation.

Achewood

Why are uncle Fred’s politics so lumpy

Achewood

Thank you Bruce, that line almost got rewritten to be meaner so I’m glad I kept it.

Kriegsaffe No. 9

"Ah, at last, the Achewood/Pentiment crossover," I say, like a sane person seeing illuminated manuscript artwork.

Achewood

Yeah it’s an extra fold where you can hide smack from the pigs

Clench and Cheese

Yeah I notice Uncle Fred hasn't got much to say these days. Like his dad did when the Watergate tapes came out

b.zap

Squirrels all fidgety cus of space rocks

Achewood

I learned about a new video gave today. Until now the only game I was familiar with was “Thank Goodness You're Here!”

Achewood

The man /hates/ Rachel Maddow, hates her to /hell/

Tom P

an unfortunately sweaty bus trip back from Mexicali leads to Todd inventing the "glans bump"

tossrock

Imagine the smug satisfaction of the original, unnumbered Phone_Sex_With_Barry_Gibb as he gazes upon his hundreds of epigones. Often imitated, never duplicated.

Achewood

Guy was fully articulated, he could bump the same dose to sequential dudes

Ryan Boyle

Good point on the six dollar lattes of late

Walter Cooke

PageMaker: my /fav/ way to waste days on end building a bi-monthly 30 page newsletter for Macintosh geeks!

Tucker

Circa 2003-2005 I worked as an HP Indigo digital offset press operator and my buddy was the graphic designer; we mostly lived in Illustrator and Photoshop, occasionally InDesign later on with QuarkXPress (it took me ten minutes to remember its name) showing up here and there. The company I worked for did CD/DVD duplication/packaging and increased the amount of small-batch porn media during my tenure and thus it is unlikely that this is first time I've seen an EPS file containing a lumpy cock.

Achewood

I save tons of money by adding milk at home, ask me how

Achewood

This is all wonderful to read

Achewood

Those machines were the bomb

Omnithea

Just tell them the satellites are crypto farms.

jordan b.

today I learned that Achewood is somehow an anagram for 'animal cock'.

Kriegsaffe No. 9

And I have learned about a game in turn and add one to my wishlist! Cultural exchange!

A. Hamster

ABBA didn’t need to be juiced up on Mister Forever to win the Eurovision Dong Contest in 1974

Oppido

Oo, chew a D

Nicholas Williams

Hey, those same squirrel silhouettes - in polished bronze - adorn the heavy wrought-iron gates of my mansion. Have you been hanging around outside my mansion god dammit?!?

Jay Y

I was thinking of Inkulinati, which is to say, folks, if you are into medieval doodles, there are plural video games.

Bungus Bronbo

God, and you just KNOW that Jorg-Dieter's conversation with Phone_Sex_With_Barry_Gibb783 went on for sixty or seventy more replies. Also Todd's non-reaction panel to the logo is up there with such nuggets of fried gold as Ray's non-reaction panel on May 27th 2004 to Uncle Culpepper's dot com investment.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

I would like to try Mister Forever, being well past my childbearing years. I already have a blue heron feather to hold.

Kriegsaffe No. 9

Oooh yeah! Inkultatus is a tactics RPG starring weird medieval marginalia critters, Pentiment is a murder-mystery combatless RPG/adventure game. Both strong picks!

cody

Coulda been thirty panels of in-depth business plan docs re: Mister Forever’s market viability and that last line still woulda made it worthwhile.

Strange Matter (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-20 10:00 what an autumnal and festive strip
2025-11-22 12:34

Achewood

It's the illuminated manuscripts isn't it, with their acorn-planting and nervous monks

Achewood

Thank you. As is shown in the b-roll strip, I had a lot of variations on that line; glad this one landed.

Achewood

I bet they could cook such a pill up at a compounding...RV near you

Achewood

I just thought of this, but what if Phone_Sex_With_Barry_Gibb783 is Lie Bot Also, thank you for that 2004 panel being on such immediate recall. I reread that strip and think it's one of the better ones (said with humility)

Achewood

Dude you stole the designs for those silhouettes from achewood by using sophisticated EPS-reverse-engineering, which is exactly the kind of thing a guy with a mansion would do. I didn't need these kinds of problems in my life

Achewood

Man you know those dudes rolled full-thatch, plus straight up using vaseline even for blowjobs, 70s style

Achewood

I would like to congratulate everyone for the fine work here.

Achewood

They aren't? Also, are Tesla CPUs quietly mining bitcoin while parked in your driveway?

A. Hamster

The inventor of Vaseline believed in its medicinal properties; he ate a spoonful of it every day and lived to 96. This might explain why all the ABBA members look so hearty at 80.

Achewood

I am absolutely going to verify this I was wondering if vaseline blowjobs were why everyone in the 70s looked so trim and glowy

Achewood

Plus all the wonderful gourd imagery

A. Hamster

I live in Albuquerque. Let’s get this done.

A. Hamster

That would make a lot of sense. Extending this logic, what if a certain former president dribbled Big Mac sauce onto his dick, and that is the real reason for the orangeish hue on the current one

Achewood

I think you're suggesting Clinton, who was a very oral president

A. Hamster

In the days when I was indifferentiable from Beavis and/or Butt-Head, I thought being president would be a fine thing because I too would get the oral sex

Achewood

Man I had a really different idea of Presidents, I thought there was always a camera pointing at them for documentaries

A. Hamster

That was always my take, like when Reagan worked on camera from the hospital during his colectomy

Achewood

What a world, where I can overlay my colon imaging with Reagan's, in an app, on my spyware telephone

Linus Mixson

I want to take a moment to interject, in an aside to all men who are above thirty years of age (or whose homeostatic set point has been destroyed by exposure to millions of pictures of sex acts our ancestors gave themselves profound mental illness trying to suppress the barest the idea of) that all four of Jorg-Dieter's ingredients are, within their domains, wonder drugs. A government program to hand out Cialis scripts starting on your 27th birthday would be the greatest public mental health intervention of all time.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

SURELY this is not garden variety crank. The branding is so compelling!

Henri

This is getting into the territory of the great arches of all time.

rickward

oooh look at Jorg-Dieter, der Grossenspender, shelling out for Adobe Creative Cloud when he could have just gotten Affinity or Canva

b.zap

Did I miss something? Or did Onstad get too close to the source?

Bungus Bronbo

I'm wondering the same thing. Not sure why last week was missed.