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In this new series, we examine the roads not taken — strips which could have been. Here I present you a reader favorite about a cat too depressed to bite toast, and his long-suffering partner: December 5, 2006, which preceded the Roast Beef Decision-Making flowchart by [reader does the math].

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Comments

blair

Ruff chux, except #3, which speaks to me. Sternly.

Ryan Boyle

Just noticed the right angles on the toast. It's probably that healthy German bread, hard to bite through in any disposition.

Bruce Wright

Especially like the Germanic flavor of the third strip

Ian Stewart

Selection #3 is perhaps one of our first glimpses into Achewood's equivalent of Star Trek's Mirror Universe. Mirror Ray is probably a priest

GruntyGinMan

For strip #2 first of all yes and second of all it's the armed eco-leftist kind not the JRE kind of mans opinions podcasts

Distant Egg Song

Beef falls to his knees but is too depressed to stay upright, and thus falls to a supine position. Him showing his asshole becomes less a display of submission and more a sign that he's a cat and sad.

Distant Egg Song

It's called "Erthdoom" and it's the only left-wing podcast with a video version available on Liveleak.

b.zap

S.O.—S.A.D.

Chris Daniels

Mirror Ray is Matt Jameson from Leftovers

Achewood

I think it was like Seasonal Onset—SADnessdisorder

Achewood

Yeah I just saw my cat's asshole like seven times during breakfast, I guess it's not that humiliating of a request

Achewood

I think armed eco men are what JRE actually wants to be, but instead JRE is like the barstool "I'm the Toys-r-us Rambo" of the male experience

Achewood

He's the son of Dr. John Worhabus, the prominent entomologist. For some reason though, he doesn't have his own first name

Achewood

und slather dein arschlock mit MUSTARD!

Achewood

You have to cut that bread on a meat slicer before throwing it away

b.zap

Sounds about right

b.zap

Is Teodor a mustard guy? This could be a defense. Or, an inducement …

Lew Basnight

That was absolutely not 2006 that I have things in my fridge from when that strip came out

Sedric and Charlie

You can't see it but Molly has paired her dominatrix outfit with cheap purple pumps, in an example of what people are calling "the sauce"

Ian Stewart

Alas, it may be that in all worlds, Roast Beef is clinically depressed. Perhaps a central fulcrum upon which the cosmos pivots.

Rob Dalton

worst toast, mouthed by sorrowfullest feline

Achewood

The pumps are what keep beef in the game

Achewood

🎶haaazzz maaattt🎶 U can haz mat

Achewood

But that bustier she’s wearing I mean 💅🏻 right Would you believe I drew it in five seconds?!

Achewood

It’s that whole “flying butthole” trick

Achewood

The sagging shoulders of atlas

Achewood

As condiments in general go, or specifically for dressing his anus? You need to be more specific.

Achewood

Oh man. That strip doesn’t make sense: First the low-income cousin of JD Klein from Alabama seems pissed that he tastes dog penis medicine, but then he pivots to like it for no explicated reason. I should have just stopped the gag at the guy seeming to know what dog penis medicine tastes like.

2scrogz

The Lash of Thanatos?

Taylor

Isn’t him being pissed about it just in T’s imagination?

Achewood

I’ll have to reread. My reading comprehension of my own work is…complicated at this point

Bruce Wright

Remember, according to Barthes, you can only share your authority over the story with the reader

Achewood

Say more! I’m still not entirely clear on this

Bruce Wright

Well, after a lot of French intellectual argle bargle, he basically seems to mean that no work is complete or even meaningful until the reader interprets it. "We know that to restore to writing its future, we must reverse its myth: the birth of the reader must be ransomed by the death of the Author." That's you, so look out for French intellectuals

Kriegsaffe No. 9

In an outrageous coincidence, I shared the original strip with my boyfriend last night while discussing depression. I hadn't even checked my mail when you posted this, some kind of weird psychic resonance must've kicked in!

Achewood

I also worry that depression comics are always and increasingly relevant

Achewood

I don’t know which has less value on this earth: French intellectuals, or French intellectuals. But thank you for reminding me of this.

Achewood

Wait a minute, they’re just making the “if a tree falls in the woods” idea useful only to assholes!

Nicholas Williams

Man, that's heavy action for "Electric Cafe." I would think, like, Suicide Commando or at least a Coil record.

Achewood

Beef is a Werkhead more than anything though, so it’s what they had.

Nicholas Williams

I have always appreciated Achewood's devotion to the Lovable Lads from Leipzig [they are not from Leipzig]. Beef's "Kraftwerk Thanksgiving" (11/23/2006) blog post was the thing that originally got me into [makes a sweeping gesture] "all this."

Achewood

That’s quite an arcane front door, but I’ll take it College was basically me drinking cheap vodka in the dark to Radioactivity Which says a lot with very little

Nicholas Williams

That sounds fun as hell! Replace cheap vodka with really great weed and that’s what I’m doing tonight. Also maybe some Harald Grosskopf, on the subject of Electric Teutons. Also, the tale of me getting into Achewood is actually really roundabout and sort of interesting if you’re into, like, 2005-era Internet. Perhaps a solicitation from the readership regarding their inculcation is an idea that I just had.