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Microsoft: Trouble at the Grocery Store (Patreon)

Published:
2025-12-17 18:00:35
Imported:
2026-09
Tags:

Content

There's Korean food in the vomit in the parking lot. Someone got an illegal lap dance at O'Tarnahan's. And now this. All is not well at Microsoft, 1953.

Files

Comments

Matt Mitchell

Whoa. Did you make a bunch of these back in the day? Or did I miss something?

b.zap

Showbiz!

Zach M

hell yea

Achewood

The ones on Patreon are all new. I'm enjoying this side-universe.

Achewood

Come with me, into this wormhole...

Achewood

Tequiza wouldn't be invented for nearly 50 years! What does the fool even drink?!

Achewood

Showbiz only ate Korean food because he thought it was teriyaki. Which is still a bit exotic for him.

b.zap

Some jug with XX all over the side

Achewood

I think that's too hardcore for him, though indeed that's all the cartoon liquor we have record of at the time. Perhaps he would mix the XX white dog with equal parts commodity apple juice, short-chain glucose, and strawberry flavoring. For drinkability, for energy, for headaches.

Achewood

Thanks! It's..."canon sidesaddle"

b.zap

2 sips then hella yelling about the sex

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

All mixing up plantains and green bananas. All picking scabs into the chipotles.

Achewood

The guy is just insane about the idea of sex. He'll talk your ear off.

Achewood

Straight up scooping medjools into the deglets

Oppido

Presumably the 1950s versions of Vlad, Chucklebot, Andy et al would each be the size of an in-mansion library and run on vacuum tubes.

jordan b.

the Showbiz reveal was quite satisfying.

Grant's Tomb

I thought Showbiz was Guybrush Roastbeefwood.

Oppido

I'm talkin' Maxim de Winter's reading room, straight-up Manderley, Jasper PRESENT.

Daniel M Ford

I wish I had the courage to wear Showbiz's shirt.

Distant Egg Song

I would say that Microsoft Showbiz looks like Rodeo Salieri, but that would make Teodor the saddest Mozart I can think of.

Achewood

Salieri did have that gross little pony tail.

b.zap

all parking his '51 Rambler next to a sprinkler in case a carwash handjob wanders by

Miles McMahon

I cannot express enough how much this is Top Tier Achewood right here. Even though I didn’t think cilantro was invented in America until the 90s

Achewood

All Rex O'Herlihan, all 4' silk neckerchief tied high on the throat

Achewood

Thank you. It made sense at the time. Now we must retcon Showbiz into this strange land.

Achewood

Straight-up ether siphon and Dodo skull

Achewood

A man gets tired of jerking off with cheap cologne

jordan b.

eh, I'm not sure Showbiz and continuity have anything to do with each other. He's like ... magic realism that can only strip buildings for copper.

Achewood

Fair enough. He's not really wanted in any terrestrial plane. Especially because he keeps trying to strip copper wiring while it's still hot, and causing dangerous sparks.

Achewood

If it's slightly unsettling and the shirts are awesome, then it is the universe I want to inhabit.

Miles McMahon

He gonna pretend the gros michel are cavendish!

b.zap

HEY SIRI WHAT COLOGNE DID RON JEREMY USE

Achewood

I see somebody has been reading his Sam Zemurray!

Sedric and Charlie

There's no way Showbiz contributes usefully to this company. He could be janitorial staff but my money's on there being a Roast Beef somewhere in the building who he pressures to let him come in and hang around because he's heard they hire a lot of chicks to operate computers

Achewood

I was going to draw his little interoffice mail cart but there wasn't room. Mailmen get all the chicks! Chicks know a mailman packs!

Jenn

Cilantro is disgusting. Send them to the chair

Achewood

It's not a stretch to see a sentence like that as...nevermind. I hope you can at least enjoy dill and tarragon.

Jenn

Cilantro tastes like the smell of bleach. Dill, tarragon, saffron, rosemary, sage, marjoram, chervil, caraway, oregano, mint, parsley, basil and thyme - DELICIOUS (would not kill anyone over cilantro, ftr)

Achewood

I'm the same way with 99% of fish. The trimethylamine and/or omegas make the meat taste like the bottom of a particularly neglected aquarium.

Conor Nelson

I'm sorry but where are these comics from again? Was this like a side thing for Dark Horse?

Achewood

These are all-new. There was a color version of this universe at Achewood.com on January 18, 2008. The Dark Horse long-form color stuff was reprinted here way early in the In-Universe tier, but it's unrelated to Téodor's Microsoft adventures in 1953. That's the Taco Bell adventure, and one other.

Achewood

There's also a little of this on January 16, 2008 at Achewood.com

Douglas Wykstra

The first one of these I ever saw, in which Teodor is unfamiliar with "spatchcock" as a term despite it being something he knows how to do, and his boss immediately losing all confidence in him, stuck in my mind as containing some essential truth about the nature of low-level office work. Always happy to see more Tex-Mex Achewood.

GruntyGinMan

I have no idea how Showbiz made it through the phone interview

Achewood

He ordered a clean phone interview out of the back of a magazine, put it in a baggie, and taped it to his thigh

Idiot Man

i have no read on that character in the last frame but my mind immediately labeled him 'velour showbiz' which is a pretty bitchin name i'm going to hang onto regardless of how this goes

Mystic Eyebrow

This one is for the heads and you gotta love that

Achewood

Some inside baseball for my Stoned Lightning chos

Achewood

No read on him, as in it's hard to tell what he's up to / why he's there?

Idiot Man

yep, the behavior says eavesdropping but the outfit says amadeus cosplayer. My hope is that both are true

Achewood

Ah, that’s supposed to be one of those rodeo/western bib-style shirts. Perhaps it needs an embroidered cactus or crossed miner’s picks

2scrogz

It was the '50s, post-war industrial & commercial boom. Any idiot with an elementary school education, a pulse, and a firm handshake could get hired doing something menial, as long as they were of the appropriate race. Showbiz probably managed to act normal enough for 5 minutes.

2scrogz

"HNNYAH!"

Shawn Ritchie

I remember reading these when they were first released via a PDF or something and my god even by Achewood's standards, they were/are some dark shit. Just wonderful to picture these poor fuckers in an even more straight-laced time full of controlling little dickheads. The previous strip's "I never said which side of the lap dance you were on"... just BRUTAL. This guy's peeling T's fears open right in his office.

Conor Nelson

Ah ok thanks. My brain was programmed so that only Friday comics were new. I just saw this sort of style and got confused. Love this parallel universe. Poor T :( He can't get anything right here. Same as usual, I suppose.

The Good Poster

Judging by the outfits, this must be that Jojo's Bizarre Adventure I've heard the kids talking so much about.

Achewood

There’s one of these “Microsoft” stories on the Achewood site, and there were two long non-Microsoft color stories in some multi-artist dark horse collections, but I don’t reject a pdf with more of them. If you can locate such a thing, please let me know! After 25 years much has been forgotten.

Achewood

That’s our boy’s signature calling card!

Shawn Ritchie

Chris, I must apologize for raising false hopes: I do not have a PDF of them, but think I'm remembering you uploading some but not all of the Microsoft run to the old Achewood site as an "extra". I remember the boss guy annihilating T verbally, but whatever the Showbiz part of the arc is is all-new to me.

Jay Williams

Oh man, could this be the start of a whole Holmes/Moriarity thing between Teodor and Showbiz? Except that Showbiz couldn’t be anything other than a poor, stupid man’s version of Moriarity. I wouldn’t think the arc could have long legs, though, because Showbiz would find some way to fuck up badly even the lamest scheme he could come up with. All getting busted trying to steal six packs of Tequiza (or its 1953 equivalent) from the local grocers and somehow pin it on T…