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I used Google Forms, a product very much new to me, to create the following interactive thirty-question Achewood Trivia Quiz. It is significantly less impossible than the trivia feature which ran here last week, and should be fun even for those who haven't been all the way through the canon. Come back and brag in the comments about your scores, the depths of your Chochachodom, other stuff you obsess unhealthily about, etc.

TAKE ME TO THE TRIVIA QUIZ!

Files

Comments

Achewood

Nice work, Old Timer! (said by staticky speaker from somewhere inside the freestanding game's wooden housing)

Pubdoggy

18 with zero run-up and also whilst baking

Achewood

Medium-fantastic! Also, what's cooking?

Matt Mitchell

29/30. The Fiesta Name tripped me up, it was the only one I semi-guessed on.

Daniel M Ford

Honest reporting, 28/30. Tripped up on Ray's pen name and the ice cream shop.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

26/30. The ones I missed I knew I didn't know but did not look them up. Still proud of myself.

Pubdoggy

Oh. Baked, um, potatoes.

Amelia Hall

30/30 but I feel like I "technically cheated" because I did an archive dive late last year when I was taking a break from your Patreon (due to science-funding-disaster related Reasons).

Conor Nelson

22. and I'm ... *fine* with that

Stavro

25/30, feel pretty good about that

Nicholas Williams

Look, I am real person with a family, a job, and interests. But god help me I went 30 for 30. Almost fucked up the Fiesta Name question but in the end I was correct.

Achewood

Which wrong answer was the result of the greatest personal stress

Achewood

Which one did you think you had nailed but were ultimately incorrect?

Achewood

Only by Achewood rules is it considered cheating to have thoroughly read the material.

Stavro

The fiesta names for sure. I'm positive Jai and Aaron were on the wheel, maybe all 5, but couldn't remember who got what

Achewood

So YOU'RE the guy who said the ice cream shop was in Colima!

zoë

17/30 - not bad for an inchoate - there are certain story lines i return to constantly and was pleased to see them referenced (ex. philippe goes home)

Achewood

Yeah, Jai in the Sky was the waiter who just wanted to wear a great big t-shirt and cry.

Achewood

You have to be really precise with those...measurements. Like, if you forget to put the potato in the oven, the recipe will fail almost every time.

Jaimeson Birse

28/30. I "almost but the other one'd" the Fiesta Name and the Secret Ice Cream shop location.

Achewood

Jai in the Sky was the waiter who wanted to put on a big t-shirt and cry (easy to remember due to the rhyme)

Pubdoggy

Shit. Goddam it Onstad. On it.

Achewood

The Jai option was specifically intended to be cruel.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

Ray's pen name, Pat's family curse, sit down only goth bather, and that Todd was a burrito not a bag of meth. Honestly that last one was the too obvious guess.

Conor Nelson

No memory of a "Threadville" so that one was a surprise. Very annoyed at boofing the GOF drink of choice (Ketel One really rang a bell on that one but of course Christian Brothers!).

Matt Mitchell

And I was actually pretty sure about that part too! That Jai was that waiter. Also “Black Bean Bart” cracked me up.

Achewood

Without looking, what shape best describes Philippe's mother's church hat

Steamed_Grahams

27/30 Look at the GENIUS! Look at him stand in his ROOM!

Shawn Clark

18. I believe that ranks me as mediocre, which tracks.

Jake McIntyre

29. Clearly time to revisit the Darlene arc.

Achewood

Yes Ketel One was the cruel trick for the player in a hurry.

Achewood

I prescribe a thorough archive reread and seven Hail Marys.

Achewood

And apparently pintos were nutritionally more healthful all along

Achewood

Well, Threadville does only appear once, on a sign, a quarter century ago. Don't take it too hard.

Achewood

Don't be so hard on yourself! The rest of the day will provide that.

chillier

30/30. Expected the worst after the previous teaser questions. Looking forward to the Medium version (please?)

Achewood

Out of 74 respondents so far, 11 have gotten thirty, so you are in good company. Maybe they will all be outside when you get there, and you can crack some crunchy Stellas.

Achewood

What answer did you clutch hardest for, or was it all cake

Achewood

Best re-read with a Blister Dog and a cup of mustard for the saltines.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

My full archive reread usually starts over Labor Day but okay. Blessed is the fruit of thy loom.

Jake McIntyre

I'll be very interested to see which questions were the easiest/hardest. I suspect that Molly's homeland will be nearly universally known, with "BATHS ONLY" close behind (who could possibly forget the poster of the pasty Englishman scrubbing - the iconic image that adorned so many dorm room walls in the late Aughts?).

Dan

27/30, though there were a handful of lucky guesses between a few options I couldn't quite remember. I'd say I was immediately confident in maybe 20 or so This also seems like a good place to mention another classic piece of Achewood trivia quizzing: Learned League, an online trivia league beloved by Jeopardy contestants and the kind of people who know Jeopardy contestants by name, has user-created one-day special quizzes in the off-season about specific topics. There was an Achewood one a few years ago, and my top-10% finish is still a source of great pride (as a sidenote, scoring isn't just based on how many questions you get right but also based on you successfully predicting which questions other people will get *wrong*, so most people in the top 50 or so still got all of them right; I think it's an easier quiz than this one was) I think this link should work even if you don't have an account, but if it doesn't let me know and I'll take a screenshot or something: https://learnedleague.com/oneday.php?4166

Achewood

Yes, a medium version is in the works! (And, good job, you are one of only 11 to get a perfect score so far, but I strongly suspect the Russians are in there cheating with AI)

Ryan Boyle

20, fun distraction as I wait for a flight, thanks!

Achewood

I got 12/12, surprising myself most of all! An old friend gave me an LL guest sub once, and fuck, that place is hard as fuck to get a right answer in

Achewood

Safe travels! Final trivia question: where are you going

Achewood

I too look forward to reviewing the data

chillier

Maybe 2026 is the year to revisit the trans-atlantic cables and scent of dogs - to see what it is like to build an Achewood in the age of AI.

Dan

Yeah, on days I can get 3 of the 6 questions right I feel pretty good about it and the rare day I can get all 6 makes me feel like I'm shaking hands with God. I do appreciate the fact that they do a European soccer-style league structure (A through E, with the people on the top and bottom of each league at the end of the season getting promoted/demoted for the next one) so that at any level you can still feel like you have a decent chance, though I'm in an annoying state where my skill level seems to be stuck directly between two leagues so I keep getting bounced back and forth between them

Dickie

Oh man, thanks for the mid-week nostalgia trip. 28, btw. But a few were squinty-eyed weak-clicks lacking the confidence of a true OG Knucklehead.

Achewood

28 is quite Honorable. Not even sure I’d score that high, and I made all this crap up

Achewood

Ok I don’t actually think it’s crap, that would be mean to Philippe

Bruce Wright

Well, that was embarassing. It's the aphantasia, man, I tell ya

Distant Egg Song

28/30, both of which had to do with characters' romantic backstories. Somehow managed to get Ray's Fiesta Name, though.

Andrew Reynolds

27/30: I guess my Achewood trivia weakness lies in remembering Ray's AKA names.

Evan Tessier

29/30. Threadville is where the Bell Market is, Bakersfield is near the salted and burned Acres. Someday I'll get it right, I just need more yard sale tax forms to practice on.

zoë

trick question as there are two - one of them is kind of an elevated trilby and the other looks like a sad can of spaghetti-os, or a confederate soldier's

Mina Roller

Behold our new blazing Lord - my memory still exists (in part)

Paul Dunn

30/30 OH YES GET IN M Y SON

blair

28/30. Todd's origin myth and Ray's nom hosed me.

Spyguitar

28/30, I missed Ray's fiesta name and the ice cream shop

Achewood

The meth baggie was the dirty trick there. And clearly Rick Dorado needs to get back to the keys.

Achewood

THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF MATE!

Spyguitar

Jai was the waiter, right?

Achewood

And before you shall dance the Minstrel of Facts! (Pat in Slim Goodbody bodysuit, sorry)

Achewood

Deep cut with the tax forms, nice

Achewood

A top shelf outing, my friend!

Achewood

That's pretty damn respectable considering most of this information went out of style while Obama still smelled like college

Achewood

Excellent work, get ready for Medium Hard trivia next week!

Achewood

a likely story, you forgot the purple pumps didn't you

Achewood

You have been cleared to move on to Medium Hard Trivia next week!

Achewood

It's probably all the calciums, blocking memories, dentists don't want you to know about this

Achewood

I got the sense that the top players there are the stringy-haired Oxford comma nazis who memorize violin notes

Achewood

The transatlantic cable strip almost made the cut, but was deemed Too Medium

Achewood

A loved child has many Fiesta Names. I doubt Ray has only been to Fiesta Max! twice.

Traedran

29/30. The Super Secret Ice Cream Shoppe was my downfall once again.

Achewood

Superb! In truth I had conflated the two of them into something resembling Dumb Donald's terrifying beanie stretched over a wedding cake (I didn't reread that strip before asking)

Achewood

That's the one! At least, that's what he said his name was. Those employees might also have Privacy Names.

Travis O.

30/30! I'm Terrific! Maybe now my parents will put that bumper sticker on their car

Oppido

Flick Creager, Grody Brody Salchicho, the Seven Particles of Aeliptur... Chris, I feel like you mainly created this quiz for the opportunity to think up wild-ass red-herring names. (Also: thirty out of thirty! I feel like I should frame this in some self-deprecating way, but actually this is the most stoked I've felt all month/year.)

Oppido

A medium version... fine, I guess I'll go reread all the blogs and Man Why You Evens. Fine. FINE.

2scrogz

SAME! Completely blanked on that one, and it ended up being my one wrong answer.

2scrogz

29/30. OUR EVERY MOVE IS THE NEW TRADITION.

chillier

Proposed bumper sticker: "I got 30/30 on the Achewood Trivia Quiz (Easy). No dough hook included."

Paul Dunn

Dammit Chris you always know precisely what to say!

chillier

Yeah once Onstad starts pulling in the rest of the canon, I am fucked. I need a strip-only medium to have any shot at survival, here.

Nate

I think a 22 is respectable enough

Idiot Man

Answer the questionnaire once with what you know to be true. Answer it again with what you wish was true. Consider the difference in scores. Are you a purist, a revisionist, a heretic? Some of these questions when answered incorrectly are entrypoints into alternate universes I'd like to see.

Chris Warren

20/30, which is fewer correct than I was hoping. But I'm pleased that I got all the ones I thought I knew for sure.

Anthony Thompson

Impertinent youth (fondly)! I would sooner forget the best cheese for nachos.

Anthony Thompson

My self-deprecating frame-job go-to is ENORMOUS ornate vellum certificate, light-grey dithered 8pt Noto Sans font

Nicholas Williams

I was about to say Ray's Fiesta name was Darin' Aaron Magoo but I believe that is Teodor's name during the worst night of his life.

Asherdan

Behold Our New Blazing Lord! Actually, that was the right amount of difficult to be fun.

EndgamerAzari

25. Just enough to seem informed while still being able to pretend to be normal

Shawn Warren

29 baby! forgot where the secret ice cream shop was

John Robinson

27/30. Second-guessed myself on Ray's Fiesta Name and Lyle and Darlene's date spot, and whiffed completely on the location of the Super-Secret Ice Cream Shop. I'll consider it respectable.

Otto Vondrak

25/30 because I doubled-down on what I thought I didn't know.

John Robinson

I finished 32nd in their 2024 World Championships, one spot ahead of that year's Jeopardy Tournament of Champions winner, and you're goddamn right I'm insisting that gets mentioned in the first paragraph of my obituary.

Achewood

This is some top shelf heat. Quiz 2 is written for next Weds!

Achewood

Way more people said Bakersfield than threadville, so you’re in heavy Cho company there.

Achewood

Hot hot heat, comin’ in heated! More people got that one wrong than right.

Achewood

We know it’s a façade dogg it’s cool

Achewood

BOSS moves. Admiral of the fleet.

Achewood

Then next week will feel slightly less fun, because I’ve turned the thumbscrews with all-new, deeper cuts.

Achewood

There are like 1600 strips, it’s a lot for a man to carry. 20 is better than I would have done a couple years ago.

Achewood

I did want to create some new warrens while coming up with the wrong answers yet enjoying what they might have been. Like, what if Clooney really was learning basque instead?

Achewood

For a 1600 strip archive I’d say that’s pretty sticky brain tape my friend.

Achewood

HOT HEAT, comin’ in TEMPERATURE-STYLE!

Achewood

I will certainly admit to the indulgent pleasure of getting to make up lots of weird new things that never were…yet could be. 30! It’s a very small club, I’ll release results ere long. They’re interesting.

Achewood

That’s vivid, I can see it, LET THE MAN WORK

Achewood

My Old Child Is Terrific At Comics!

Achewood

More people got that wrong than right. Great work fellas, crack a crunchy Stella.

Achewood

That’s some proof right there that SOMEBODY is not getting dementia this week

Achewood

A fine sentiment indeed, verily.

Achewood

Having experienced LL, I have got to say that’s a pretty astounding achievement. You probably even know the seventeen kinds of violin note! (Hint: one of them is “squeaky”)

Achewood

Oh, we’re not getting into the ancillary properties yet. But you should reread them anyway, because they’re fun!

Achewood

I’m going to start running entire quizzes about stuff that’s just in my writing file, to see who has hacked me

Achewood

Most people missed the ice cream shop location.

S. J. Sulzer

29, because I forgot Ray ever wrote a romance novel and had to punt. I do not expect to fare nearly so well in the next iteration.

RJ Carmine

Haha wow I got 30/30

RJ Carmine

I have a project in Bakersfield and managed to weasel out of actually going, haha

TaxoBob

I got 30, wasn't 100% sure on a couple but pulled through

TaxoBob

I couldn't recall whose Fiesta Name was which or the location of the Secret Ice Cream Shop but multiple choice formats FTW

Gavin Byrnes

There was a Learned League One-Day Special on Achewood a couple years ago; I, rather agonizingly, got 2nd place. We'll see how this goes

Gavin Byrnes

Can't complain about 28 (ice cream shop and Pat's hat). Clearly I have some work to do to reach the level of the true Chochachos (most of whom are apparently not in Learned League)

Achewood

That’s fairly amazing still, given the sheer number of panels in the archive. Next time’s is slightly more deep-cut, but still doesn’t involve blogs/zines

Achewood

Befitting a Knuckle Cho of the Old Orthodoxy!

Achewood

There’s some discussion of LL further down the thread. I say that 28 is basically the quiz version of a Beef tattoo. Nice work!

Gavin Byrnes

I got 2nd place on the Achewood 1DS (28/30 here), and I was disappointed but I was very happy when I found out that the person who got 1st has the same signed picture of Ray saying that being in trouble is a fake idea.

Matt Mitchell

“One of these days I’m gonna get it right”/“lose the rookie”

b.zap

27/30

Jake McIntyre

I'd be interested to see the % correct for each Q, if that data is readily available.

Jacob Smith

22/30. Started weeping when i saw i got hellmouth location wrong

Sedric and Charlie

27 out of 30. Actually genuinely impressed with myself

Achewood

31% of people thought it was Denny's. This bodes terribly for Denny's.

Achewood

Not that all the boding about Denny's isn't horrible already

Achewood

You may now frolic in the Honor Field, M-F

Achewood

The top tier has 27 as its most common score. You are among the Cho Giants.

FactWino

I am a Dangerous and Influential Polymath. I’ll take it again and try to get Genius this time.

b.zap

oh necessarily

Zach M

26/30 although a couple of those were luck. That was really fun!

Achewood

Superb performance! You will enjoy the coming Wednesday version even more – it is designed to call even more deeply upon those deep Cho synapses.

Andrew Groves

30/30, even though Steve DeNeuve didn't do the actual driving, he sat in the back with the seat-belted bed for Philippe.

A. Hamster

29/30. I feel unique after reading the comments, I was tripped up on Teodor’s parents’ birthplace. (The secret ice cream shop is brain tape since young times.)

Achewood

This is the kind of deeper-than-the-cut response that keeps me writin' quizzes. A++++ Would Quiz Again!

Chris Daniels

26/30. following my trend, I talked myself out of the correct answer on the Teodor question. The other three I had no shot at though.

Jeff Norman

Well...I hadn't read the strip for at least a decade...so scoring 9 points is actually more than I expected! (Quite pleased it's back. And why did no one inform me of this back in '23? I BLAME EVERYONE I KNOW.)

Achewood

Well we are all just relieved you are finally here. Put your shoes near the fire and take this clay pipe with the extremely long stem. It is raining.