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They say you can't go home again, but they don't say you can't go to a home, so here is Showbiz, popping up unwanted at Beef's yet again. Game respects game, so 'Biz could probably get along living with Corliss, but she hasn't been heard from since Beef's wedding in 2008. Of course, he could likely track her down via whatever local meth dealer they probably have in common, but for that he'd need to steal a $20 from Beef, and then remember what his goal was in the first place, so that family reunion will likely only happen by accident.

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Files

Comments

drewb

Showbiz has revealed the secret of Caledonian currency, Nessie is en route to his location right now with instructions to terminate. McJustice will be served.

Josh Egbert

Well hellfire, now Ray has to come over and name this particular brand of getting puzzled.

Achewood

McJustice: Hot on one side, cold on the other. Oh wait, that was the McDLT, for the true heads

Achewood

What's the microwave version of narcan?

Douglas Wykstra

So Showbiz is getting high on microwaving his own brain? Innovative method of cutting out the middleman. A McKinsey consultancy is in his future, provided he gets his head in there for about 5 more minutes.

Achewood

You know Biz is just going to downgrade to air fryers once he can't get high off microwaves any more.

Achewood

Yes, that is what I was hoping to convey, particularly with his balked offer to blow his own brother for another fix ("that's when I knew I had a strip"). I put even money on him launching an AI startup that uses Claude to find where the chicks are loosest this season.

Josh Egbert

This entry in the Achewood Police Blotter will be entertaining at least.

Achewood

Showbiz likely thought “sylvia plath” was a drywall tool.

Achewood

A microwave won’t make the burned hair odor. An air fryer? Worse than a Pittsburgh grease trap.

jordan b.

I am thankful that Power Level 7 left Showbiz with enough brain cells to avoid fellating his brother.

Josh Egbert

Depends on the hair I'd expect. That should have been the giveaway for Beef, that aroma which suggests a menage a trois between burnt popcorn, a ruptured lithium battery, & expired shampoo from a hotel that charges by the minute.

Achewood

Like Molly needs another straw on the camel’s back

Condorito

Oh Biz. When they said his brain was fried...

Achewood

It wasn't baked, steamed, or poached. It was boiled from the inside

Zen Window

Goddamn, Biz. Good to check in on him once in a while to remind ourselves the usual cast of lovable losers here at least have some lovable qualities.

Ryan Boyle

Habib didn't ask for any of this

Professor Hazard

the next time Showbiz appears he has become insanely rich from creating an app that locates the nearest location of this model of microwave

Achewood

Which was the lovable quality Biz demonstrated this time? Persistence?

Douglas Wykstra

I took it as him offering to fellate Roast Beef's brother ("I'll suck your...bro!"), which is minimally persuasive as a bargaining chip but does suggest positive things about his core flexibility.

Jay Y

Showbiz all petitioning Elon Musk to get a Starlink dish welded to his dome, Elon seriously considering it

Professor Hazard

building a little meth ewok treehouse in a power line support

Achewood

I think Habib might just go in the back room for three minutes and let nature take its course this time.

Condorito

All this does is make me feel even more blessed that microwaves weren't a thing back when lobotomies were in vogue

Douglas Wykstra

I believe several cable "news" channels have been so classified by the FDA.

Dan Gibbins

I started wondering what sort of mutually assured destruction Showbiz living with their grandma would be but then I got sad.

Zen Window

Biz is highlighting the usual casts' lovable qualities by displaying none himself.

Achewood

You know Showbiz is more of a Boring Company flamethrower guy

Achewood

Does anybody remember if Gramma K is officially still alive? I think she is, but she's such a shut-in it's hard to tell. And I had to deal with her character a lot during the Netflix thing so I'm especially scrambled on her status.

Zen Window

She was. And I sincerely hope that's the most negative thought I have today.

NJOtter

Plot twist - this implies Showbiz had enough brain matter to fry to begin with.

Josh Egbert

A servants heart! Not just anyone would offer to do moisture touches on their brother.

Achewood

ha, nice. A chuckle was heard by my drapes, in the otherwise silent house

Achewood

oh god, the terrible short film clips we'd have seen on the early internet

Achewood

Should it be an em dash instead of an ellipses, to more clearly convey that this isn't a "self-suck" offer?

Achewood

oh yeah, you know he's got a favorite make and model. No rotating tray, for starters.

Achewood

dang, what does a popped lithium battery smell like? I've never had the pleasure

Douglas Wykstra

No, it's as clear as a jonesing 'wave addict's dialogue should be, I just go far afield in my readings sometimes.

Josh Egbert

Redolent of nail polish remover or if you ever melted an action figure

Achewood

Good point — he could just have popcorn coming out of his ears.

Dan Gibbins

I don't think we've seen Gramma K since Beef moved out, but he did leave the government's number by the phone and she seems to ornery and stubborn to die after less than a century.

Achewood

I've adjusted it with the em-dash, I think it's actually clearer.

Jay Y

Alas, far more "donated own body to science (?)" than work experience on 'Biz's ol' CV

Achewood

Much like my own grandmother.

Bruce Wright

Oh, God, this asshole again. Will steamed brain make any difference in his behavior?

Achewood

He'll just be mixing...cilantro with cilantro, now. Reduced to this.

Tucker

Okay, goodbye "nuking" things in the microwave, time for "thrilling" them instead.

John Robinson

I just had the delightful (for us, certainly not for him) thought of "what if Showbiz has a metal plate in his head?" scamper through my brain. Rough chuckles, perhaps, but chuckles nonetheless.

Jay Y

There are probably foreign objects in there, by surgeon's designs or his own.

b.zap

The Goodwill be seeing some shit these days

Sarah

you know its bad when he starts speaking in Kid Rock Lyrics. P.S. we need a Molly POV for this one for sure

Achewood

He’s letting it slip here how the buzz makes him feel

rickward

this is making me giggle with existential dread, like the still-standing dirty cop in the yellow sports jacket at the end of Blue Velvet

FactWino

I nominate sticking your head under the water in the kitchen sink.

Oppido

With most people, you could probably tell right away that their brains had been Defrost Setting'd. I like that it takes Beef a few panels here to realize he's not just talking to regular, baseline Showbiz.

Walter Cooke

I was waiting for Beef to say "He's Satan's problem now" but no, looks like it's the local Hot Deli...

Douglas Wykstra

An early childhood memory is my dad laughing so hard at that joke in Christmas Vacation that it startled me.

Spyguitar

It's too bad Randy Quaid went full bonkers mcquack, his performance as Cousin Eddie is an all-timer (See also Chevy Chase, asshole, Caddyshack)

tossrock

I like that Beef's response to Showbiz having microwaved his own brain is to take the microwave to Goodwill, not Showbiz to the hospital.

The Good Poster

Todd tried to get high this way once (exploded squirrel in microwave (nice pete has country ways but he did not do this))

Clench and Cheese

Maybe Showbiz is hopin' the radiation will grow a fresh hand outta his forehead so he can do a reacharound fellatio on himself without having to give up the belt asphyxiation. But that's just a guess. He's right about the Scots inventing spiders so demons can have money. Anything you hear about Scotland and money is science fact.

Bill

If anyone's got the juice to earn a Lifetime Ban from every 7-11, it's Showbiz. (The voltage of the Japanese power grid momentarily sags as over twenty-one thousand fax machines simultaneously warm up to begin printing the flyer with his mugshot on it.)

Justin Schardin

The POOOORK Shack is a little old place where...we can get together...

Achewood

I had an uncle with a metal plate in his head. He was also the only uncle who did meth and lived with other skeeze roommates in his parents' house after they died. And he's not even the one I base Todd and Showbiz off of.

Achewood

Never use a kitchen item from Goodwill until you have had it treated for gonorrhea.

Achewood

I heard a Kid Rock lyric the other day. It was just some whine-boasting about haters and how rad he was. I asked myself, "Do I need this information?"

Achewood

ALWAYS check your reheated 7-11 burrito for any clinging hair ties, singed eyebrow rings, etc

Achewood

Yeah, I sensed there was a 25% grace period/buffer where Beef just lets himself get up to speed on whatever's not right with Biz before really letting himself care about the possibility of stroke etc.

Achewood

ALWAYS rinse any errant long, oily hairs off the 7-11 microwave burrito after reheating, before consuming

Achewood

Generally, but in specific, moment to moment, it's hard to pinpoint whatever fractal chaos chemistry is going on in his brain. Amway products, Costco hot dogs, varnishes, it's a mess in there.

Achewood

I am having trouble resolving the ideas of fellatio and reach-arounds. Please post a diagram.

Achewood

I enjoy this concept on its face, but also the subsequent thoughts of how illegible Japan would be to Showbiz, and how very quickly he would die/cause everyone around him to die of shame.

Achewood

He's got him a Galaxie, it's as big as a whale, and it's about to set sail! (For Goodwill)

Justin Schardin

That's always been my take on Trump, too.

Achewood

That chemical cocktail is [redacted]

Achewood

yeah, Pete didn't have a microwave, so when he wanted to torture a squirrel, he'd...actually, I really don't want to get into the specifics.

Achewood

ah, the Poor Man's Narcan. Right up there with "walk it off, buddy."

Datura

duster is for noobs, jenkem is for rubes, microwaving your head will trip you out so hard that you can visualize hypercubes

Datura

side note when I was a kid and I heard Sylvia Plath killed herself by "sticking her head in the oven" I assumed that she cooked her head to death and I was like holy shit that is intense

Achewood

goddam, I just realized I got jenkem'd during the recent lunch I had at a dive in Pittsburgh.

Achewood

Yeah I only figured that out much later in life. And still, creating a gas bomb in the house where your kids are asleep? This was an age when six year-olds commonly smoked. Not Cool, Sylvia Plath!

Achewood

I only subscribe to Nice YouTube, ever since I accidentally saw that old film clip of Bukowski tonguing a bottle of Lancer's

Sedric and Charlie

Am I entertaining a delusion in thinking there's a Beef's Childhood strip in which he has a positive interaction with Showbiz and this explains why he's tolerated him throughout adulthood? FAKE EDIT: I cannot find evidence of one, although I had forgotten how deep his Rockford Fosgate problem runs

Achewood

Sometimes these phantom memories live in the blogs.

Sedric and Charlie

It turns out the blog confirms that Beef has NEVER had a positive relationship with Biz. Beef man, you've done more than anyone could. It's time to just let the Rockford Fosgate goons take him

Achewood

So did you do an in-blog keyword search for Showbiz, or like a full AI scrape

Sedric and Charlie

i just used the built-in search engine. I am not a dogg of AI

Douglas Wykstra

You will see me one more time, if you microwave your head on Popcorn. You will see me two more times, if you microwave your head on Defrost.

Achewood

AI once told me everyone I love has a nasty face

Achewood

Is that from the time Lynch remade A Christmas Carol?

GruntyGinMan

Whoa first of all don't knock Costco Dogs. Second no way Showbiz has a membership.

kdusjjdhxksj

He's heard a lot about them, it's an aspirational thing

kdusjjdhxksj

There's a certain kind of guy where you have to go through a brief "maybe this is what he's doing, maybe he's like this now" cycle before assessing other possibilities

kdusjjdhxksj

On first reading, I did not notice the mustache in the second to last panel, and thought Incognito Mode Beef was trying to do a switcheroo at the sevvies in order to have a less gross microwave

kdusjjdhxksj

All plugging a pall mall into the neuralink incision

Achewood

Have you seen the clip where the guy labs out the components of those dogs and they have stuff like vulcanized dollhouses

Achewood

Dang, I can now see this possibility, and also am reminded that no matter how careful I think I’m being, I’m not.

Jarret Cooper

The "author's text" seems to me like a big hint to expect Corliss to show up in the very near future. And you thought you could MISDIRECT me!

Achewood

Was Corliss’s favorite song “wind of change” by Scorpions? Will Todd finally melt her heart…or her nostrils? Stay tuned!

Glenn Ramsy

You are what you eat (microwaved slim jim).

Glenn Ramsy

You're an author... What kind cooking appliance do you envision ending your days in?

Andrew Gillies

It's no harder to visualise than the Isosceles Lock, as invented by the guys from the BeeGees

kdusjjdhxksj

In your defense, I had also just woken up from a nap

Datura

pasta machine maybe

Datura

my children must smoke at least 10 Johnsons Lung-Cigarets per day or I will beat them on the Lung

Datura

that image is truly more horrible than any hp lovecraft story

Datura

I can feel it

Paul

Beef and Molly's wedding is one of my favorite strips.

Tim Hulsizer

I appreciate the "Bawitdaba" reference in panel 5

Achewood

Slow sous vide, going up one degree per hour, like the frog in the pot

Achewood

RIGHT on the SIDE of the LUNG

Achewood

Thank you, that felt like one of the high water marks of what an arc could be. But there weren't Jeeps and murder, so it hung back in the public's imagination.

Achewood

Wow that wasn't intentional. But I guess all idiots channel the same dopy noises.

Achewood

I at a fried kielbasa while smelling a grease trap flushing that was stronger than ay sewage treatment center. And I was like "this sausage is just an intestine" and it was kind of a Moment

Achewood

Yeah. Some guys go around the swing set too hard and there's not a control-z for them

Miles

It really showed what they call "restraint" on your part to leave the Jeeps and murder out of the wedding

Achewood

And Ramses really behaved himself despite all those damned robots milling around threatening dystopia.

Paul

It had a dreamlike quality. It's the only time I can think of where Beef looked really happy. I was happy for that sad, sad man.

Amit Katz

Considering how hard it is to get the inside of a lasagna hot with a microwave oven, im willing to bet nobody has ever actually fried his brains this way

Achewood

Lots of adrenaline and fantasy at a wedding.

Achewood

This makes me wonder if the patience it takes to microwave the pineal gland is also the doorway to Transconsciousness Majesty Unknown

rickward

Showbiz can’t keep using Beef as a Crutchfield for the rest of his life

rickward

BAM! [fingergun]

GruntyGinMan

I've seen boxes of food that said "grade F not fit for human consumption, military and prison use only" in the Navy so I have a pretty high threshold.

Achewood

The FDA beef grades: Prime, choice, select, commercial, utility, cutter, canner, pet, and thank you for your service.

Taylor

You gotta turn it down to 30% power and run for 3 minutes so the beams have some time to get in there without causing too much blistering to the outside of your skin.

Aaron G. Stock

People needing to invent a word worse than “dishonor” in Japanese

Aaron G. Stock

I was thinking it’s his one expense because he believes he’s saving money eating the hot dogs so cheap

Datura

also I realized that both ray and showbiz have tried to distract beef by hitting themselves. as a small child, he must have really gotten a kick out of that one