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Have you ever compromised your personal code just so that you could have one single friend in this world? And was your personal code simply a variety of sequelae — malformed emotional survival mechanisms which grew out of unresolved fear? And this friend, were they simultaneously trust-falling into the arms of their own avoidant oblivion? If that's the case, then you just might find a lot to enjoy in today's new Achewood comic strip! Feel free to use it as a visual aid during your next BetterHelp Zoom call. Show me on the comic where the tiger recognizes your coping mechanisms.

B-Roll Strip

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Files

Comments

Josh Egbert

Panel 13 is a kiss, isnt it?

Bruce Wright

Shut up and kiss her, you fool

Bob the Fish Productions

Wild Bill Shakespeare is still the writer who looked most deeply into human nature, but you're catching up

Fish

This is the most dangerous Situation there has ever been.

Morgan

I have to know what percentage of that bottle was drank by Lyle vs how much was drank by Pat to have them meet in the middle like that. I feel pretty sure that Pat only had the three swallows we see him take here and Lyle showed up with a bottle already in him.

Ryan Olson

Lyle and Pat getting together romantically... GOD is that obvious!

Kyle Hudler

Why do we even bother with artists after Vangelis, honestly

Achewood

Especially if you're a liver. Or an Uber.

Tom P

Is Manifestos the male version of Lesbos?

Achewood

Hey man, not all open-kimono moments also reveal the junk

Achewood

Likker gets you there Quicker, Horcutio

Ryan Boyle

$3 whiskey gives me those soft feathery craps. Got any Anchor Steam?

Achewood

For three bucks, who's counting? But, I'd bet a teetotal like Pat could get as far as he's gotten just letting the liquor splash against his closed lips as he mock-sips

Achewood

Not all dude connections have to result in docking! Tune in next week, though.

Achewood

The dude wrote the Perfect Notes. Imagine this song at all times, in all activities, even spooning the cereal and milk into the spoon

Achewood

We are left intrigued as to which you mean, or do you mean the two halves of you?

Achewood

Manifestos was the guy who kept the passenger list on Odysseus's Ithacan galley.

Achewood

It's a hell of a trick, that name "Anchor Steam." Sounds both delicious and manly, and even those two words don't make sense together.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

1. Platonic idealists? 2. They will Fuck Hard, I predict. Or kill someone, or each other.

Ryan Boyle

Now defunct, with rumors of a comeback under new ownership. I understand this is a only a curious footnote for you now.

Bungus Bronbo

I'd like a bit of insight as to what egregious self-realization a barber inflicted on a formative young Pat for him to mark them as the cause of all social ills

denv_eric

That or simultaneous projectile vomiting into each other's faces, as is Lyle's way.

Achewood

I tried to let everybody know last week that Lyle's veil of odors knocks down virtually any incoming romantic energy. But nobody will listen to me. Can't everybody just imagine how Lyle smells? We have only seen him in the bath once in a quarter century.

kdusjjdhxksj

For some the liquor is used as a social pretext for behaviors they wished to exhibit in the first place. I suspect that Pat is one of those guys who will make sure everyone sees that he is holding a drink 2.5 minutes before launching into what he will later excuse as a "drunken rant." I used to have a coworker like this, we'd get off work and he'd order his obnoxious shot of bulleit rye and have exactly enough to make one lip partially wet before trying to hit on everyone while threatening to throw himself off a bridge.

Josh Egbert

This is such a A+ nerd joke

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

Are you *sure* that something in Pat isn't compelled by that stank? Something in him that wore leather chaps, boner present, with a handful of sausages on this glass that I have in my cabinet? Something unreal and hidden? I could be mistaken. Perhaps we lean harder into murder.

Jay Y

Pat thinks that barbers have as much of a hold on the American medical system as they did in medieval European cultures, maybe more so. Pat has at some point studied humourism and wondered if he has too much blood in him.

Achewood

Thank you. As a nerd, I love good grades.

Achewood

I was just reading the same thing because I vaguely remembered the brand going under, but the Chobani guy is trying to revive it. It was the first taproom I ever went to, in south SF.

Achewood

Have you ever smelled the bonch of a guy who doesn't bathe and always wears the same black jeans for twenty-five years? (Do not answer this on the internet.) Like the voice of a great soprano, that action could break a glass. Even so fine of a glass as one with an engorged jerk cat on it.

Achewood

I don't think he's just angry that Charlie Brown's barber dad was such an absent figure. I think there's more there.

Achewood

I think Pat's barber anger is something we need to fully explore, like the Story of Todd.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

(You can't handle the truth!) Okay, foul stench, I do believe in you! clap clap clap

Achewood

I did actually have that idea for a panel

Alex Moscovitch

we *have* seen him do a man douche with vinegar tho. who's to say what weapons grade pheromones he is capable of producing?

Achewood

I love the idea of this coworker of yours, that process of his is killing me

Achewood

Good point. I suspect that is antifungal, but not deodorizing

Achewood

It’s either comic sans or that generic serif on all things from China that are printed in English

Ryan Boyle

Can one person be the answer to all three of Fuck Marry Kill? All in one productive hour?

Jay Y

I once sat through a three-hour haircut because my ma thought it would be cheaper to go to one of those training salons. Even I don't care. With Pat, it had to be something either more disastrous or repeatedly inflicted.

severecorvid

What's the 3 dollar whiskey gonna do to someone who lives on prunes and obscure plant fibers?

Nicholas Williams

EEEEAAAUGH is my favorite Achewood expression of anguish/triumph.

Distant Egg Song

Sometimes when people try to work through their traumas, they come out the other end as better people. Sometimes they come out the other end as founding members of a paramilitary organization. We can only guess as to which direction Lyle and Pat will take here.

Douglas Wykstra

I feel like anyone with Pat's hair situation would find it easy to develop a grudge against barbers. I'm a balding guy and I like my stylist, but as the years go by I increasingly wonder how much she's actually improving the situation up there.

Douglas Wykstra

Pat's really burning the social-interaction candle on both ends, going straight from an intensive phone argument to an intensive shouting agreement.

b.zap

It was $3 whiskey what made me not remember that U2 concert I went to

Douglas Wykstra

Also I just clocked that the $3 barrier each is referring to goes in separate directions.

Tom P

also, that shirt will soon go "Where Eagles Dare"

Achewood

Three hours. Wow. Did they cut each hair separately? That would have been an awesome scene in an episode titled "Mr. Monk Goes To The Beauty School"

Achewood

new thing: Get the Pat, a negative space in the top of the hair that looks like an inverted squirrel hide

Achewood

That sounds like an Edward Albee play

Achewood

probably destroy his colonic micromonoculture and condemn him to a life on the can

Achewood

I think it might be from Charlie Brown, honestly

kdusjjdhxksj

I wish I could say I was exaggerating in any way at all. The part that made it really funny is that I was/am a highly predictable, process-oriented, Norm-style kind of drunk, so once he knew where I went after work I was just kind of stuck. His redeeming quality was that he would generally start crying and leave within an hour or so, so if you could sit through that and not take the threats too seriously, it was a little bit like nothing had happened

Achewood

Sometimes they just wake up with a hangover so bad they can hear it.

Achewood

Pat is jerkmaxxing (this is different from gooning but still don't image search it)

kdusjjdhxksj

I am 1000% sure that the initial slight was something related to tipping

rickward

Feels so much like 2020 late-night sessions in the garage recording studio with my shoe gazing landlady

Achewood

Lyle smells like a London Dungeon pass it on

kdusjjdhxksj

Literally just the word "Whiskey" written in comic sans, like a less respectful version of the beer and food in Repo Man

kdusjjdhxksj

Small detail but I like that Lyle is a two-fisted buzzer-and-door-knocking type of visitor

Elyse Renée

Only the dudes who see your innermost self can tell you like it is… if any two boys needed this, it’s Pat and Lyle.

Achewood

I think we can all relate, man

Achewood

There was an earlier reference to how Pat knocks and rings at the same time, so I wanted to parallel that for a deep cut. Even I do not remember where this reference was made, though.

Achewood

If it had been Philippe instead of Pat, Philippe would have just angrily yelled HI!

Anthony Thompson

Inside you are two stuffed animals with obvious and ineffective personalities of self-deceit and coping, &c

Jay Y

That's why we don't need the hanky-panky, it's verboten enough that two dudes should actually see each other.

blair

That's "AAUGH!" And in other news, today I learned there's a Peanuts fandom.com wiki. I may stress-test it shortly by looking for an article on Faron.

J. Alex

I wonder what talk Radio show Pat was calling into at the beginning.

Jay Y

It was a voicemail.

Achewood

I wonder what Rome would be like today if Pat and Lyle had been Romulus and Remus. Probably wouldn't be famous for gelato, or lovers.

Achewood

Where is this man today (generally speaking; I can assume there's a 1/24 chance he's crying on a barstool while hitting on women)

Achewood

So what you're saying is I have advanced the onomatopoeia of comics yelling, in my own small way. I had never seen Faron before looking it up just now. I wonder if I will ever think of Faron again. I don't think Schulz really put a lot of heart into that experiment.

GruntyGinMan

LYLE DONT DO IT. JUST GO BACK TO GETTING ON WITH GIN

Achewood

Yes, what they are doing here is an order of magnitude more intimate than just some meaty screwin'.

Achewood

Hell of such as wise, all Gandalf, all Gandalf in the ad for the Library

Thunk

Roast Beef and Ray had this same realisation about the guitar solo from Top Gun

blair

He said he shitcanned Faron because it was making Snoopy act too much like a dog, as I recall. Artistic integrity!

Glenn Ramsy

I took my landlady to a Tom Waits concert in Jacksonville. I can sorta relate.

Sedric and Charlie

Time for Pat to drunk-dial Rod forty-eight times even though Rod has blocked his number and he knows this

kdusjjdhxksj

Portland, Oregon, unless we caught a break and he flunked out of the city and went back to Iowa or whatever. It has been some years since I last ran into him, which was of course by surprise at a funeral.

Bruce Wright

666 is still a great album, in an acid-drenched sort of way

Achewood

I was going to make something up but Jay already did better

Achewood

Gin: higher proof, sharper hangovers. None of that sissy "hard alcohol" 80 proof nonsense that's just gonna dilute your standing maintenance BAC.

Phineas X. Jones

*MY* avoidant oblivion catches me every time without fail

tossrock

"flunking out of " is such a good one, I'm stealing that post haste

Douglas Wykstra

Taking one's landlady to a Tom Waits concert in Jacksonville sounds like the premise for a Tom Waits song.

Douglas Wykstra

Faron, Lyman, and Uncle Max are all hanging out in some Purgatory of misfit characters. Conversation none too lively.

Amit Katz

once you get that raw there's only two paths: hetero lifemates or mortal enemies

Ian Stewart

Spoiler alert: They weren't even listening to Chariots of Fire during this rant

Achewood

“What if he unblocks me the instant I’m calling?! He would KNOW we were meant to be!”

Achewood

Finally someone mentions my lovely little detail work!

Achewood

See now we assume it’s booze or weed but what if you’re talking about like Johnny Bench baseball cards

Achewood

Road trip to meet famous roadies / tour adzuki bean fermenting houses

Achewood

I hadn’t specifically considered that but now I know that this must have been the case

Nicholas Williams

Chris when you and your friends get all fuckin’ fired up about things do you do-si-do each other around like this? Because it’s good man. It really gets the point across.

cody

Didn’t have to drink a drop; just cuttin’ loose on the notion that he won’t be judged if he cuts loose.

EndgamerAzari

In which two different varieties of asshole discover they are platonic soulmates

The Good Poster

I don't know what's happen, but I'll say it three times: It probably shouldn't.

Achewood

I'm hiring a man to drink a ton of whiskey and show me what would actually happen. I insist upon authenticity.

Kriegsaffe No. 9

I am so in on this love story, however badly or however well it's going to end for both of them.

Achewood

thelma and Louise style, only they're blacked out and it's indeliberate

blair

The Cousin Oliver Zone

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

We were like 6 or 7 years old when Chariots of Fire was released and it was on the radio a lot, and you always perked up when it came on. Might be another reason why it's the perfect song.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

I have turned my leather daddy Pat glass and my Achewater Lyle glass so that the characters are face to face and touching. You can't stop me from doing that.

Paul

I joined here a few weeks ago, these are as good as ever, cheers!

Achewood

Why thank you Paul! Were you a reader in the small days of the strip, before I learned you could give characters jaws and put one ear "in front" of the head, to create the illusion of three dimensions?

Paul

My high school friend introduced me to Achewood in about 2003. Grateful to see the magic still flowing, I had never noticed the ears!

Achewood

That is a good friend. I hope they still have all their ears. It's a tricky world out there.

A. Hamster

Oh man I enjoyed an Anchor Steam at a time when it was not legal for me to do so. I feel blessed that, while other youth dabbled in Super Bowl-style beer, I got to enjoy that Anchor Steam

A. Hamster

There is a Garfield Halloween Flash game where you can discover Lyman’s head in an oven. It’s a sanctioned release and not a fan thing.

A. Hamster

I would easily pay twice that to not remember U2. You got a good deal

A. Hamster

I woke up this morning thinking about the guitar solo from Top Gun. This comment just brought my day together like bookends

FactWino

Wait, Charlie Brown’s dad was a barber? And you’re all just letting that slide by?

FactWino

Man, I thought the Beer and Food were so funny. Thanks for reminding me of that.

Thunk

Self evidential

Achewood

The first thing I ever found was an anchor steam bottle cap, in Golden Gate Park, while some people were playing catch with my uncle (I was not ready yet)

Achewood

What's with the U2 hate? I mean, there's a lot of filler there, and Bono's "I am kinda sorta Jesus" thing is lame, but they had some ripping albums

Achewood

That's why Charlie Brown always had lice, and had to keep his head shorn. His father was always covered in lice from barbering.

Achewood

I've been on a mission to rewatch this film for two months. Debating whether to watch it with my largely unused skateboard.

SignOfZeta

Amazing. I also bloviate about Vangelis when I’m drunk. I thought I was the only one…