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0046 - The Account, Pt. 5 (Patreon)

Published:
2024-01-12 18:00:06
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Welcome to a strip written entirely from under a quilt. It is going to be seventeen degrees Fahrenheit in Portland this weekend, and that is not something we do well here. (Add it to the list.) But I don't want to be some big font of grotty negativity. You know what Portland does really well? Drunk old barbers who want to talk about Viktor Frankl and also have an OnlyFans performer account. What's up, Mack, you make my terrible hair so good, how do you do it time after time, bud. 

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Comments

Josh Egbert

I hope to one day have a glass box to die in.

Joe

This guy's looking for any excuse to bring up the glass room for his grandma to die in. Which reminds me of a conceptual art piece I invented once: a storefront on in a major shopping area that's empty except for a mannequin in a chair with a shotgun pointed at its head. A curious shopper opens the door, pulling tight the string tied to the shotgun's trigger, which blows the mannequin's head off. Really makes you think.

Linus Lee

that is TOO much work for lasagna.

Kriegsaffe No. 9

"A Special Glass Room For My Grandma To Die In" was a real good early Bull of Heaven song that sounds like listening to the scariest note of a horror song played for fifteen hours while suffocating in that very glass box.

Julie (HiDeeHoGal)

Found by Google: "You can set up food orders on Instagram to give people a way to support your business. When someone taps the Order Food button on your Instagram profile or the Food Orders sticker in your Instagram story, they'll be directed to your partner's website to order food delivery or take-out from your business." I was not aware of this either.

Don Rowe

Lunch Lord has given me way more insight into the town in which its resident dirtiest dudes grew up in than any J. Vincent J. Lemoni lore. (Or is it that we're truly learning about the soul of J. Vincent J.?)

Brian Sutton

Sharing this strip on Napster in the spirit of things.

zaratustra

Nice Pete would approve it, except for the mannequin part

Don Rowe

The strip has been ascii-arted onto all the top universities' gopher servers as well as BBSs in all major area codes

Caleb Gerard

goodness, this is like watching the slo-mo guys channel when they do ultra-slow impact, and the object and immovable force have just connected, and you know shit is going to crumple and shatter but you don't know how exactly it will play out. /the suspense/

Lionstooth

It would be approximately 17 times easier just to make the lasagna yourself

Ben Wissett

This is approaching Safdie Bros levels of anxiety-inducing. Poor Teodor.

Lionstooth

I don't know specifically why the phrasing of doing something "past the Seinfeld logo" is getting me, but: oh hee hee!

Oppido

Powerful "Farmer Brown from Calvin & Hobbes" energy for our boy T.

Linus Lee

We may need to taste Lunch Lord's lasagna. Maybe it's the garlic bread. How much is Diet Coke now?

Oppido

I wouldn't be mad about a road trip buddy-comedy arc starring the Lunch Lord guy and the gossipy hot dog chef.

Jenn

Reading this arc HURTS

Blue Delliquanti

this tina/teodor storyline is living up to everything i hoped it'd be

Sedric and Charlie

This was already painful on its own and then I remembered T is robed in the $4,000 garments of a fool

Tom Morris

Don't leave us hanging like this

tossrock

Dem bones had it all (except rent money)

Clench and Cheese

Well, that was fast. "Mobile-compliant website" is no longer sexy. She should have pitched AI instead. Also, the glass grandma dying room is gonna be a hot ticket in the coming years. The way boomers have fucked everything up, you'll be able to charge for that shit.

Achewood

You blame boomers, but really it was the Calvinist Huguenots

Achewood

Am frankly mixed on the use of cliffhangers, but they seem essential to serialized content. A cheap trick, or an essential one? Also, sometimes the joke just falls in the middle.

Achewood

Nice callback to Charley and the Honda civic

Achewood

This has legs. Is there a market? Can I afford to find out?

Achewood

He’s a townie for sure. JVJL was just born there, made his money elsewhere

Achewood

Not if T is making it for free

Achewood

What’s an OF? At first I scanned the strip for a typo (my nightmare)

Clench and Cheese

Boomers are the flower of three centuries of Calvinism. The sooner they're dead the better. Never has a single generation been so self-absorbed while wreaking such damage

Don Rowe

Los Del Rio -- "Macarena (Bayside Boys Remix) (Jonathan Wolff edit)"

A. Hamster

Trading web development for lasagna feels like 2007 all over again, she could have sweetened the deal by offering to Six Sigma his business operations

Linus Lee

Turnt out for pasta casserole...smdh

Don Rowe

When Ramses Luther laments bright-eyed liars and titans of inner filth, this is who he's talking about

Achewood

ah, ha ha. You refer to my barber's OnlyFans account. I wrote that paragraph a week ago and forgot about it.

C C

Tina!!

C C

It seems like a leap to push the current cultural climate provided by the influence of the boomers to the fundamental arguments of transubstantiation and the late 16th and 17th century French religious and political Protestant reforms. Yet I do agree with Mr. Carroll in that Tina should have pitched AI to that food truck lunch lord fellow.

Clench and Cheese

Predestination and entitlement are boomer hallmarks, so I see the connection. Many boomer Americans are descendants of the Huegenots, too. The Worst Generation.

Sedric and Charlie

would the AI be used to promote the menu or design the menu? Or both?

Clench and Cheese

It's AI. Stop asking questions. If we can have a RayBot, we can make AI work for anything. It generates "buzz" man. "BUZZ."

Thickolas

Tina is remarkably trim for someone who goes double garlic bread on her lunch hour. She's lost as much weight as Teodor seems to have gained

Oppido

The power of Diet Coke

P Arbuthnot Walker

Do you remember jokingly suggesting that someone set up gopher.kacw.org, back in the day? I'm the guy that did it. Long since lapsed now though.

Nicholas Williams

I relate to all the Achewood characters a little bit, but I shamefully relate to Teodor the most, so it wounds me deeply when he is just a feckless fucking idiot doing the world's stupidest shit all of the fucking time.

Bob the Fish Productions

He's either referring to a preposition for expressing the relationship between a part and a whole, or OnlyFans.

Travis O.

Why did I believe that everything said by someone who's dated Ray multiple times would be completely true and above board.

Cohen is a Ghost

reading the eviction notice and the "this wasn't a paid position and I'm closing the company" text simultaneously, one through each lens of the $500 fashion glasses

Achewood

Wow, was KACW my idea of a west-of-the-Rockies Achewood community radio station? Did you ever do anything with that server? I hope it at least served some anarchistic cookbook LaTex files until the FBI got wind

Thickolas

Is all goot over here in "I project my ego onto Vlad"-country, baby

Traedran

I'm wondering if Lyle isn't pulling a fast one on Tre-Odor here to show him his future, as gaunt as the Buddha he begs under is fat. Téodor charged the items online and since this is his big break, I imagine he would go for faster shipping. I can't imagine the credit card company, working at the speed of conventional post, already had a letter waiting for him when his idiot's expenditures arrived. The missing factor is how long it has been since Philippe threatened to go to his room at the silliness of the expensive glasses, and how long it took the items to arrive. In a single day, Téodor has gone from showing off his new duds to Lyle, of all possible beings, and goes right to finding the envelope. Are we witnessing gin-fueled mischief as it is made?

Nathan Hall

What could be more relatable than talking yourself into thinking what you feel like doing is what you need to do? I'm interested to see how T recovers.

toby x

It is tempting to think of Beef or Pat as the most hopeless characters, but it's actually T by a mile.

Marc Harkness

This arc is bringing back PTSD from my days as a young graphic designer in a sweatshop "ad agency" back in the 90s. There was a corporate VP who intentionally styled himself as a Gordon Gecko, and three female account executives under him who were straight-up Tinas as depicted here. We had one dial-up AOL email account that was shared by an office of twenty-five people. (I'm getting the piss shivers just thinking about it now!)

P Arbuthnot Walker

It served up an ASCII art picture of Philippe, and I used the domain as an email address for mailing lists. Simpler times.