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Episode 100 -- Mailbag, Part 2 (Patreon)

Published:
2025-10-14 02:38:44
Edited:
2025-10-14 03:02:52
Imported:
2026-09

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You guys, IBWTR just hit 100 episodes! And we'll be honest, this milestone snuck up on us. We'll be celebrating this anniversary over the next few episodes -- including a deep dive into CBS News' new boss, another Wagner-show, and a Live Show in San Francisco! But for now we thought we'd kick off our festivities by tackling more questions from you, our amazing listeners! We ended up with a far-ranging conversation about #MeToo, cinema, bodies, hormones and Doing the Reading! Hope you enjoy!

Comments

Suradha

Happy 100 IBWTR team 🥰

Alice Kron

Tar isn't about cancel culture or narcissism. Tar is about an apartment for sale 🪗

catalina neacsu

so sad that you guys have a live show, but not in the uk :((

Charlotte

OMG I wish I wasn't on the wrong continent for the live show! That sounds so rad and I can't wait to hear the resulting podcast

Michael Pezzulo

With regard to the discussion of bodies, transvestigation, etc, that begins around minute 31, I hope you guys have Julia Serano on a later episode or at least discuss her work. Also with regard to the question about what to read, I've thought for months a great thing for you guys to do (at least if you weren't already so busy!) would be mini-series on "In Bed With The Left" of essential history & readings.

Melanie Schlosser

Book rec! I would LOVE to hear the two of you talk about Elizabeth Fox-Genovese's "Feminisim Without Illusions". Before stumbling across this book, I had no idea there was such a thing as 'conservative feminism' and it kind of blew me away. It in no way resembles the type of conservatism I'm familiar with in the US (for example, it argues strongly against restrictions on abortion), but it contains a deep critique of individualism in a feminist context in ways that I'm still struggling to wrap my head around. It's definitely more on the wonky academic side, but I need SO BADLY for the two of you to help me understand this book and how it relates to other feminist traditions.

Melanie Schlosser

Seriously, I've been thinking about this book for 15 YEARS :sobbing emoji:

Kim

We can’t cancel Bach, I’m working through his cello suites. 🤓

Kai

Trans guy who asked the question here - the answer/discussion was in fact what I was looking for, and I pay for your content to listen to y'all ramble about things I find fascinating anyway 😂 Adrian, hearing your response about similar things happening to you as a cis gay guy was super validating, the experience of watching someone reanalyze every interaction they've had with you trying to search for ways they should have known is incredibly strange. Moira I'm so on board with your mission to get jacked, and I'm going to tell you what every other honest person who gets jacked will tell you which is that I just spend perhaps an actually ridiculous amount of time at the gym or otherwise doing physical activity. Find a podcast/audiobook/music you enjoy listening to and a routine that feels genuinely good for you physically because if you hate going to the gym, you're not going to go. Have fun with it! Thank you both for your insight (and for calling my question thoughtful and cool, super flattering that some of my favorite thoughtful and cool people I listen to thought that)

E

Always freshly disappointed when I’m reminded of what a trash person Cate Blanchett is.

Kim

The fifth suite is so fun from a cello players perspective! Who doesn’t love to tune down their A string?

Jessica Burrus

I can't catch the author's name that Moira quotes around 28 minutes about p*rn not arguing or educating, but "training"-- wonderful insight, who was that?

John Tobin

Maybe unsolicited advice, but I have found the best entry into strength training to be the Stronglifts 5x5 program. Super straightforward, explains the fundamentals of lifting all in one place, free tracking app with no ads, and does a full body strength workout without taking 10 hours a week. https://stronglifts.com/stronglifts-5x5/ It’s a good starting point and you can get more complicated or whatever later on if you want. My hobby is practicing MMA (I know) and it’s often used by hobbyists like me to get strong while not eating up all your training time

Renee

I found the discussion about cycle tracking a bit simplistic. Personally, I track my cycle as part of managing an autoimmune disorder which is impacted by changes in my hormones. Changes in my cycle are also a sign of whether my medication is at the correct dose. I also know from experience that going into menopause without data to bring to my doctor will mean that I will be dismissed if I need HRT. At an individual level, I find this aspect of self management and advocacy empowering. I find not doing so and leaving it to my doctor to dismiss me as "a tired mom" until she finally ordered blood work after years is giving the power to a patriarchal system. I think that there are a lot of women who must manage functional impacts of their cycle without using it as an excuse to not do hard things. My experience is I can be filling a bathtub full of blood and still have to work, parent, and everything else with a smile on my face. I do wonder about the risks of having my data collected and the damage the narrative of biology impacting rationality in women has. I think there is a danger to women in not looking at this in a nuanced way.

Moira Donegan

Thank you, Kai! I loved this question.

Nick

Great ep as usual! Re the discussion of trans people being troped as deceivers, just wanted to say (1) Talia Mae Bettcher’s book-length treatment of this Beyond Personhood: An Essay in Trans Philosophy is mind-blowingly good, and (2) a trans woman in the UK was jailed for 21 months last week for failing to disclose she was trans before giving a guy a blowjob on the grounds that she thereby “deceived” him into it, so so scary (story here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj6xlwn570lo?app-referrer=deep-link)

pixlaw

As always, a fascinating episode. While listening to your response to Kai, i realized that there seem to be remarkably similar patterns in the question of racialized 'passing' from the early part of the 1900s. The repeated invocations of 'common sense' and 'biological facts' as ways to truly fix who was black and who was white were rampant in that time period. It might be worth your while to examine the extent to which the language itself was merely duplicative, as opposed to right wingers drawing on the same tired (and ultimately fallacious tropes). A close friend wrote a book about the issue of racialized passing in the context of a famous trial in the 1920s: Property Rites: The Rhinelander Trial, Passing, and the Protection of Whiteness. I recommend it highly.

Lu

Classical musician here. I watched the Bach scene from Tar and immediately rolled my eyes. Still did not found the energy to watch the whole film, but I kinda got the vibes in that scene. First of all, depiction of music uni students as blue haired sjw theys is hilarious. Has the director even been to a music university?? Lmao Also NO ONE who studies classical music would cancel Bach because he was a guy from the 17th century who was...what...homophobic, i guess?? Also, WE DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT BACH or his private life Music students who don't like Bach (there aren't many), don't like him because they find him hard or find him "too mechanic" (mostly inexperienced young musicians who prefer nice romantic melodies) I find the Bach cancellation scene such a stupid caricature made by an idiot who knows nothing about classical music

Lu

Also, i am sorry for the rant, but the way Lydia Tar explained the Bach's first prelude to the student lmao Girl, if i wanted to explain to someone why I love Bach, i wouldn't play his most popular piece and raise my eyebrows every time i changed dynamics

Lu

Also they could've used a contemporary composer instead of Bach Students have mixed feelings about playing contemporary music because it's stylistically very different Add in that the composer is a bigot/predator or something and Only then would that scene make more sense I wanna see Lydia Tar play an atonal composition to that sjw student and try to make them like it

Lu

The writer of this film needs to learn who Carlo Gesualdo was...

Sam

i’m also a trans guy and though this hasn’t been my experience so far (mostly bc i’ve only recently started passing consistently), i really appreciate you sharing your experience & that you asked this question!

Moira Donegan

Oh my god I had actually forgotten that scene. Iconic.

Amy

Another great brain-swelling episode. Are there transcripts?

Adela

In response to moiras "what are you reading?" I am reading Lee Edelmans No Future. Would recommend for any child free (and with no desire for a child) queers who are interested in a theoretical exploration of the promise of the child. Both Ahmed and Halberstam have done good critiques of the book to the point that I had to see for myself what was so whacky about it 🫣

Lisa M

There were Old YouTube Drama ALARM BELLS going off in my head when Adrian mentioned how the “tricky gay” trope isn’t as prevalent anymore, and now I can’t stop thinking about the gender politics of Tati canceling (me-toing?) James Charles.

Erin

Agreed. I have PMDD (associated with neurodivergence for me) so my luteal phase genuinely has a big impact on my mood, energy levels, productivity, etc. I was actually incorrectly diagnosed with a different mental health condition for a while due to the symptoms. I think it’s my responsibility to manage it but the impact from hormones is real.

Julie Daw

This was a fun format to listen to. One book recommendation I’d like to share from my own recent feminist self-education is The Other Women’s Movement by Dorothy Sue Cobble. I almost wrote to recommend it after listening to a previous episode that included a brief mention of organized labor’s opposition to the ERA. It explores the history of feminists within the labor movement in the US and gave me a better understanding of why labor union feminists were not always on the same side as professional feminists on questions concerning legal reforms. I originally read excerpts of the book while researching a law school paper on pregnancy discrimination, but am glad I returned several years later to read the whole thing. I love your podcast and continue to learn a lot from it - thank you.

WGM

I could be misremembering but I think Srinivasan takes the point from Nancy Bauer's "how to do things with pornography"

Helen D

Have you listened to Matt Bernstein epic 3 parter podcast on this saga? So good.

Helen D

Yes please 🙏🏼

Adela

Omg no I haven't! I'll have to check it out! :)

Beth N

I just finished reading The Other Olympians, by Michael Waters. I hadn't read anything else like that before, so I found it really eye-opening.

Renee

The pill isn't an effective treatment for all issues and comes with its own set of potential side effects which aren't tolerable for everyone. As I get older, I've learned how important self management and advocacy are to getting my medical needs met. Even a nice female doctor is working within a system that dismisses medical issues that only impact women. I'm so glad that you've started to find some things that help you.

Martin Lefebvre

Happy 100th episode! One topic I would love to see is the Canadian to American right-wing talent pipeline such as Gavin McGinnis, Crowder, Loren Southern, Rebel Media, that company that was a front for Russian money to Benny Johnson and Tim Pool. And we can forget the previous generation like David Frum and Conrad Black.

May

Florida NEEDS you

May

I have no problem doing it myself but if anyone has already made a list of the books mentioned in this episode, could you please let me copy your notes?

Moira Donegan

Oh crap we should have done that, so sorry! Amia Srinivasan, The Right to Sex Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex Elaine Showalter, The Female Malady Shulamith Firestone, The Dialectic of Sex Elaine Showalter, The Female Malady Nancy Fraser, Fortunes of Feminism Julia Kristeva, Powers of Horror Possibly others? I’ll let you know if I think of them!

Sarah

"a mini Tár episode" i believe it's pronounced "minotaur" ;)

Allison McKim

Moira’s old professor here, and thank you for the kind shout out! It’s such a thrill that my favorite feminist journalist took a course with me once. But if I gave the impression that you can ignore the 2nd wave dominance feminists, I didn’t mean to!!! I am very, very influenced by their work and always keep some in my gender classes. That course had McKinnon, Rich, Hartmann and others who would fit that category. All worth reading still.

Lorissa

This episode was great, like every episode 🩷 Have I mentioned that I frequently re-listen to IBWTR eps, for fun and also clarity on the most urgent questions about gender and society? The best eps for this imo are 1) Marriage Boosters 2) The Morehouse Man 3) The Olympics 4) IVF In favour of an episode on hormonal birth control, and I’d contribute the following point: the TikTok girlies decrying the dangers of hormonal birth control aren’t really wrong about this—it does carry a degree of risk that would be considered unacceptable for any other regularly taken medication. But the answer to this isn’t to stop its use, it’s to demand better options and increased research into women’s health. There is a huge element of misogyny at play here: you are a woman who wishes to have some agency in your sexual and reproductive life? Ok here’s your birth control pill, there is a 1% risk you will drop dead of a blood clot you unnatural, family-destroying hussy, and that’s the best the medical establishment can do for you. IUDs are a godsend for so many but the issues people have with insertion deters many who would benefit from them—for some reason most doctors refuse to treat or mitigate the considerable pain that is typical. Well, the reason is medical misogyny, I guess. There is a normalization of the idea that having control over your reproductive life will necessarily involve suffering—it’s punishment! And I think many women have internalized this—GenX women anyway, I hope the younger people are more clear-eyed about it

Louzie

Yes, happy 100! 🌈🔥

May

Thanks Mom!

Laura

Loved this ep!! My rec for anyone looking to learn more about gender and feminist theory is Rosemary Tong’s Feminist Thought. It’s a really excellent chronology of, well, the development of feminism, the different waves, and important writers and traditions. It was an assigned text in my gender studies undergrad and I find myself revisiting it often. And it’s a great jumping off point to explore the writers Tong mentions (and conversely, those who aren’t discussed!).

Laura

Also, I am SO delighted to hear Firestone mentioned. I think about her describing childbirth as ‘shitting a pumpkin’ probably about once a month lol