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SourceBook: Starfox (Patreon)

Published:
2020-04-02 04:00:37
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:
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Content

Meant to get this posted yesterday. 

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Comments

MountainGoat

"The second born of three, her family had a history of military service to the solar strike force, which is the ..." <-- missing which

MountainGoat

The last sentence of origin has a number of issues. Try: "During the fight, Travas was knifed from behind, killing him. Scarlet could only watch, helpless."

MountainGoat

"She can uses it" ... you want she can "use" it. However, I think it would read better combined with the previous sentence like this: "She can manipulate kinetic energy by absorbing it, and she can use it to increase her strength."

MountainGoat

"The strong the impacting force, the" <-- missing comma

Karl Maurer
>>34598406

And I think '..were assaulted..' works better than '...would be assaulted' and saves some lettering space. And as to 'knifed from behind' that MountainGoat suggested, considering what we saw in the posted pages flashing back to that event, leaving it at 'Travas was knifed, killing him.'' or 'Travas was stabbed, killing him.' Just suggestions, of course.