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How are you talking to your friends and family about race since the Black Lives Matter protests began? How are they going? (Patreon)

Published:
2020-06-11 16:08:42
Imported:
2026-06
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We love you very much.

Comments

Ricochetv1

We started from the get-go with my son, giving him a sense of equality, while teaching him that not everybody in the world feels that way (later on, of course). He knows that Melatonin is what colors the skin, and can't understand why people think that should make a difference in how people treat each other. I think that is a very good premise.

James Mclaughlin

I've all but stopped talking to my parents this year. They continue to fully support the president and are excitedly preparing to campaign for his re election. It's been very difficult to deal with, especially with my mother. She was a history teacher and loves the American Revolution. When I tried to point out the similarities to the current protesters and the Boston Tea Party, I was laughed at and told "it's not the same" and that the colonists were just "doing what they had to!" On the plus side, she's now blocked me on social media.

Scott Stephenson

A black friend texted me about these protests and he's from rural Texas so he was mostly focusing on rioters as if they're most of the protesters. We went back and forth until my point about not jumping to the side of the trained career cops beating people rather than the pop-up protests full of people that never had a civics class pulled him out of his haze. It was a point that didn't pick a side, although my side was obvious. He then said he loves me and knew I'd level him out. Apparently I'm the counterweight to his conservative family. We all have have our role i guess.

Robert von Heine-Geldern

It's really hard when you realize some people are so thoroughly indoctrinated that it becomes impossible to even broach the subject without first completely upending their entire worldview. It feels downright Sisyphean.

Jacob Stebel

I'm lucky that I've been arguing about this stuff with my family for years and they've been so disgusted by Trump that they've pretty much come around. I do have friends and family who are Police or police-adjacent, and I'm trying to communicate to them that it doesn't matter if "good cops" exist if the very system in which they operate is corrupt. It is their job to help us change the system.

mirsy p

i got into an argument with my father in public about police abolition and talked to my mother about the protests; as a canadian, a lot of people (esp gen. X or older) believe that there is a difference between america and canada - they see the problems with america and believe it is an isolated thing that only happens "down there". my father is pretty uninterested in learning anything about what is happening but holds pretty hard to the imagined "safety" that the police provide him (even though he is lower class and doesn't own very much property for the police to "protect"). my mother is open-minded and understands the difference between "all lives matter" and "black lives matter" but is a firm believer in police reform rather than defunding or abolishing them - she has trouble acknowledging how white privilege has lead her to see the police/RCMP as positive influences in the community, but she also lives in a very rural area so she barely sees any officers around her anyways. the biggest problem i always face in these discussions is the explanation of the corruption in many media sources, and the pro-police bias that is sooooo prevalent in our news sources in the city - thankfully there's a lot of organizing going on to ensure that police defunding is on the forefront of a lot of conversations (esp. by Black women in my community)

Hallie

My friends and I are having a lot of "meta" conversations. We're talking about how to talk to older generations about what's going on, why it's important, correcting misconceptions, etc. As for those conversations with the older generations, they're largely characterized by trying not to offend white liberals who see themselves as "woke." I was surprised by how many told me they're good allies because they're "colorblind." It's hard to tell someone who prides themselves on being woke that they're actually not doing a great job, and in some cases are being actively harmful. My friends and I are also discussing whether or not it's even worth worrying about offending them as we talk about race. Is it even possible to not offend them when you correct behavior? Why are we being so careful of their feelings if they're in the wrong? Do we risk pushing them away and shutting down the conversation if we're not careful and are too ready to offend? All this to say, the discussions with family and other Boomers has largely been tip-toeing, and discussions with friends/peers have been more questions than answers. P.S. We love you too

Jesso Ossej

I'm trying more. It's like talking to a combination of a broken record and a wall.

Amber Taylor

I've been ending lower level friendships with people who refuse to accept the reality of racism in our country, I don't have the energy (or mental health, frankly) to teach people who don't want to learn. I've also realized that not everyone has the knowledge of history, the capacity to understand the complexity of race relations or realize that the messages we've received from society about race, law enforcement, etc., are garbage. I have loved ones who just aren't that smart, but are still people I want in my life, so with them, I try to break it down to basics, like showing them videos of police brutality (one of my go-tos is one where a cop is sexually assaulting a protestor), and I just ask them "Is this acceptable?" Or tell them about the Tulsa Bombing, and ask them "would YOU trust a government that did this to your people?" There are some frustrations, like a very stubborn family member who seems to agree with all my points when I itemize them, but then won't agree with the over-arching message (like Defund the Police). My plan is to keep being consistently open with my perspective, explain my points the best I can, and direct them to resources to try to educate themselves.

Kes Evenson

I've been too afraid to talk to my parents. I tried 2 years ago and they shocked the hell out of me doubling down on some serious white supremecist shit. I've severely limted my interactions with them since then and they seem determined to misunderstand why. Thankfully my 2 older brothers are paying attention and been trying to come up with a game plan to confront our folks. I honestly don't know what it will take to get through to them.

Molly Oxenfree

Love in the south, so me and my brother usually double duty, I’m the hard left facts guy. And he’s the religious one. So we double team them, usually by calling out a statement or post. I correct their propaganda and he corrects their misuse of their chosen text. We make sure if there’s a part of their opinion grounded in fact to reinforce it and provide further context. Such as with Drew Breeze? And his walk back on a statement. If it’s inline we link articles and videos to get them away from Shapiro, PragerU, and the like. Some of them I’ve been getting into the early Behind the Bastard pod eps that aren’t pulling direct parallels to now, so when they get to it they’ll have some great connective tissue. Especially since they were an amazing source for me to tear down beliefs I’d never questioned about a lot of the stuff these people had taught me. The biggest thing is not letting people get away with friendly cop out like we all have our own opinions and stuff. We’re kind of in an all or nothing mode. He being lgbtq+ means we were already in this mode on that issue so it’s been an expansion our efforts to change minds in our familiar group. As far as friends go, it’s about combating the mindset in people that are much less ingrained than the family. But it’s work. There’s a lot of people who don’t want to put in the effort to analyze themselves(thanks joe Rohan) and a lot of poc who are very defeated with it. The first is similar to what me and my brother are doing. Albeit with a bit more compassion since these are people we see results with. The second is trying to offer encouragement and let them know it’s ok if it’s too much to go and March for. But don’t buy the lies that nothing can change, and don’t feed into the propaganda that you can only look after yourself. Down here there’s a decently large group of poc who are for trump simply because it’s in their economical benefit for things like manufacturing and the like. So it’s trying to get them to the point of seeing themselves as worth fighting for.

Derek Lewis

I made a comment on a post my mom made. She posted the story of a 77 year old black ex-cop who was murdered while defending a friend's store from looting. Literally had the quote, "subhuman thugs looting in the name of social justice." I asked her why she decided to post this one story of a black man being murdered, when there've been countless other well-documented stories over the years that she'd been silent about. I mentioned that the guy who shot the 77 year old was immediately put into custody and will likely face punishment, whereas the murders that have set off this nationwide powder keg have largely been ignored and without justice. She immediately called me (we hardly talk,) and was screaming, yelling, and crying a long stream of consciousness and right-wing talking points that you couldn't even try to start to unpack. "All this senseless destruction to good people over a guy who was accidentally killed while he was GETTING ARRESTED FOR DOING SOMETHING BAD." I told her, "the republic's on fire, just be glad that we're alive, mom." She hung up on me. I finished cooking dinner for my kids and had a very tall bourbon with the meal.

Crow Birb

There is a history of conflict in my family between generations involving politics, mostly the two people in my generation and the nine in theirs :/ I have been laying groundwork to talk to my mother, who has been the most receptive to discussion. Previous iterations of BLM talks with other members of the family died in the cradle when sentiments such as advocating a gruesome method of lynching of Colin Kaepernick were expressed followed by me being cut off and talked down from launching into debate by another family member... explaining the viewpoint...that black men are scary.

Drew Hartl

Politics have created a divide in my family. As my parents, particularly my mother, have aged the constant stream of Fox News and Rush Limbaugh have made them fearful of anything that challenges the status quo. Any time I've attempted to speak to them about my beliefs (health care as human right, breaking up monopolies, revoking Citizen's United, BLM, ECT) I'm written off as the "black sheep". I'm worried that our political differences are causing direct damage to our relationship. I love my parents, and it's difficult to see them turn a blind eye to the needs of the less fortunate members of our society. I don't think I have all the answers, but it's disheartening to feel the divide between us grow over our disparate political ideologies.

Warren Peace

My parents are (almost... they'll get there) police and prison abolitionists now! I am so proud of their progress! It wasnt all me though, the video y'all did really helped me convert them! I can't even believe that they were centrists (although they were never pro cop!) before 2016! We all voted Bernie in 2016 and there wasn't any going back! I'm really glad that I was raised by compassionate and caring people who taught me to never trust cops. On the other hand, if I still spoke to my grandparents I know it would be a different story though. They don't even gender me correctly and my grandmother believes the people of color in her hick home town CHOSE to live in "blacktown"! Yes it was actually called that.... She is completly convinced that there wasn't any racism in her tiny hick town in the fucking 50's! She is one of those blind, sugary sweet, racists and while I'm glad she isn't a KKK apologist, she isn't a whole lot better.... She still thinks all black people are poor if they aren't wearing a suit at all times. Oh and she is casually anti-semitic too! Ugh... Like great you don't want them dead! You don't get a cookie for that....

Brian Soper

Talking to white boomers about race is going about as well as our talks about BASIC political theory. This is a demographic that cannot grasp simple definitions like ‘fascism’, ‘socialism’, ‘communism’, ‘ideology’, etc. I get very gross pushback about “not being a victim” or “but its about living in a police state, and instead ‘THE BLACKS’ are making it about ‘fuck white people’”. As far as I can tell, the majority of them are quite content living in The Shire and furrowing the brow at any stimuli that may cause the slightest of discomforts. What is most disconcerting about the situation is that these people are more often than not in a position of power over me. I am constantly stuck between speaking up and biting my tongue so I can live to fight another day like some kind of infiltrator sneaking around behind enemy lines. What these four years have taught me is that progress can only move forward one funeral at a time. For anyone who may criticize me, and point out that my discomfort would be a small sacrifice, I ask forgiveness. I am unwilling to make myself crazy trying to deprogram the Liberal indoctrination of a demographic with rotten minds. I will ALWAYS speak my mind, but so far my experience has shown me that lengthy engagement only results in further entrenchment into their toxic nonsense and me feeling like shit.

Adeeje

My brother is getting closer and closer to a more authoritarian worldview, but I haven't given up on him. I'm too outnumbered at work though...

Jay G

I'm black, so discussion with family isn't really "talking" because this is nothing new. My mom has been checking in way more often, though, since I've been protesting. At work, it's really brought together the black workforce. We're communicating with each other constantly about so much now. With white/non-black co-workers, they've been extremely empathetic, so they've been off my back about a lot of the usual corporate bullshit, which I'm so happy about. It seems like the pain/weight of the black experience is way more front of mind, so I don't feel this pressure to "show up" everyday, as they love to say in my industry (sales).

Steven

Had a short convo with my dad about it and he glazed over the murder of George Floyd. He said the typical line looting and burning things down is unacceptable then went to say a certain section turned into a shit hole ever since the white businesses moved out. I asked specifically if black people, in his view, were the cause of making that place a shit hole and he said yes. I lost it. "WTF is wrong with you?" Were my next words. Most of my friends say the same line like it was thier idea, the murder was bad but looting and rioting is unacceptable. Completely glossing over the numerous cases of police violence towards peaceful protesters.

Daniel Lewycky

An indigenous woman here in Canada named Regis Korchinski-Paquet 'fell off' a balcony under very suspicious circumstances involving Toronto PD a few days after George Floyd's murder, and Toronto immediately marched in support of an investigation and the defunding of the police (the Police Chief just resigned, by the way). Her family's Go Fund Me for legal fees to pursue justice for her is here: https://www.gofundme.com/f/justice-for-regis My grandmother posted (in Ukrainian) about the protests on Facebook, asking why so many people were walking around the city and strongly implying that they were putting everyone in danger. I commented saying the above, whereby one of her friends said that that wasn't enough of a reason to get everyone sick during a pandemic - but my grandmother replied saying, "I thought so too, but I trust my grandson. I don't think you're right." I'm kind-of teary just writing about it here. It shouldn't matter, but Regis Korchinski-Paquet was part Ukrainian. That's (unfortunately?) made it easier to talk to other members in the community how racist policing practices hurt everyone.

Andy McCoy

I haven't had a ton of discussions on racial issues with my family largely because they are supportive of the protests and the moves to curb police brutality. While I'm sure they aren't well immersed in the racial issues that are driving the protests I'm wary to lecture people who are on the right side of history with regard to accomplishing somethings. I do make sure to correct misconceptions of provide more information when needed, but I think, especially for sympathetic older people, it's more effective to provide helpful information over time than to have an uncomfortable conversation that may bring up defensiveness. Some family friends have required a more explicit approach because they want to think racial disparities are the result of personal/cultural issues rather than systemic racism. I have conversations with these individuals when the topic comes up, but I generally don't interact with them that often.

Bob Chesser

I live with my mother. She has started to listen to alt right conspiracy, qanon level, racist laced videos on her phone around the house. Loudly. This was after I attempted to talk about the protests and showed her videos and accounts of the police brutality. Well, that came after she unprompted said police using rubber bullets during the protests was a lie. So I showed her evidence. She shook her head. Starting two days later she's listening to very scary videos. I've tried sharing other videos, including your recent video, to confront the claims I've overheard in her videos. She has ignored me. The atmosphere at home is very tense. With her blasting the audio of racist tirades loud enough to wake me up at 5 in the morning, I'm not sure what to do. I have a deep disgust and sinking feeling in my gut. It's hard to look her in the eye anymore. I dont know who she is, but this isn't the mother I knew until recently. Well, suppose she his it well my whole life. What is certain is I need to find a way to move out soon as I can. If I'll be able to.

Sword n' Bored

Well, my family is made up of POC so, we never stopped. It's good to see that a lot of white allies are waking up though. To give an outsider perspective, on the one hand, I have a part of my family who is very religious. So everything is processed through a Christian lens. It's all "revelations" and the fault of human sin that we have pandemics and riots. Which nevertheless comes with it an apathy. Like, "well, all we can really do is pray, but this is what we as a race of humans deserve." There is no desire to do much to fight for change outside of prayer. On the other hand, the other side of my family are upper-class. Despite being black there's an attitude of liberal-ness. That black folks that get targeted by police are "the bad ones", and that we're "the good ones". Because we have means and this part of the family acts as a model minority. As for my family in law, they're all in a similar camp of liberalness, where politics shouldn't be discussed, but certainly these BLM protests are bad because they're all looters/rioters. When I speak up they tend not to talk back or engage, so my white fiancee does most of the talking there. They're good meaning folks, but they're also mostly older and have no perspective. Some seem to be coming around. The problem is that, even when discussing these issues with black and brown family members, there's a gap in knowledge of what's really going on. So you can't begin to go into what needs to change without first doing all the work to get them to the point where you can have a meaningful discussion. In a sad (but hopeful) irony, the more white allies like those in these comments discuss these issues, the easier it is to talk to POC who should know a little better. My Dad will listen to a white voice on the subject before me or my sister. Fucking-A

Dept of Monster Affairs

I've been struggling with my parents about race and BLM for years now. For my mom, it is just starting to click that something is actually wrong and she is trying to learn. My dad, on the other hand, is a whole other issue. He worked closely with the Minneapolis police for years as an animal control officer and currently as a housing inspector for low-income areas. He always wanted to be a police officer and only did not because my mom convinced him otherwise. He is also someone whose racism is deeply ingrained that he cannot see it. If he had become a police officer I guarantee you that he would have been on the news as an officer who killed an innocent black person...and try as I may I haven't been able to get through to him at all. My dad thinks Floyd's death was avoidable and sad but he doesn't think he was murdered and that the protests are going to far.

Ale Valdez

As a Latinx student that came here two years ago, I don't have much experience with the struggles and history of America. Since the protests started, I had been trying to be active in them and also inform myself about topics of racism, police brutality and the history that these two topics share. It came to my attention, that many of my friends and family were fast in judging the protesters for "looting" and rioting, and were more outrageous about this than the actual violence committed by the police. And this made me so angry, but couldn't explain myself or others why. But in the struggle to inform myself, I ran into the conversations you guys have in "Worst year ever" and "Even more news", heard a video that Trevor Noah posted defending looting as a valid way of protesting, and read a great article in the New Inquiry called "In Defense of looting" posted in 2014. Reading this gave words and arguments to the anger I was having, but being all these resources in english, I couldn't readily share them with my friends and family that speaks only spanish. Having a conversation with my dad over the phone where he started criticizing again convinced me I needed him (and other spanish speakers) to inform themselves more. So I took the liberty of translating that article and other resources to spanish, to share them on my FB and particularly send them to my dad. I sent him a message at 3 am (whenever I was finished translating) and told him how his comments were making me angry and to understand my position, I would appreciate if he read these things I have translated. He hasn't told me anything since, but I really hope he did. With some of my friends that were posting critiques in social media, it helped open a little bit of dialogue, so I am happy about that. Little victories I guess.

Izit Spooky

I'm over in the UK and am lucky to have a pretty lefty family. But being in my 30s I know that I was raised with veiws I didn't even realise were racist at the time and although I have changed them in myself I am still working on some of the people I grew up with. I have been challenging people online and within my community, but I live in a place that's very white (even by the UKs standards) and has a lot of people living in poverty. It's quite hard for some of them to believe that they have white privilege.

Vooster

My mom is black and liberal so she gets it. My dad is white and liberal, and because he's been married to a black woman and raised two half-black kids he also gets it. BUT recent events have really been hitting him hard. While my mom, brother, and I are more thick-skinned about the reality of the situation, my dad wants to protect us, to keep us safe, as any good dad would want. But he's just now realizing that any time his family goes outside without him, without his force-field of whiteness, we are at risk . I think he's always known this, but it is only in the last few weeks that he realized just how powerful the force-field is, and just how much danger we face without it. (I say "danger" in the loosest sense of the term. I've been #blessed in the sense that I, personally, have not had many racist interactions in my life; but the threat of me crossing paths with racist is omnipresent. And that's what my dad can't save me from.)

Steve Thomas

My roommate asked about defunding the police. We talked about how it isn't about getting rid of the police. It is about giving the police a job they can actually reasonably do. Cops should be the ones to respond to active shooters. But they aren't the ones who should be responding to domestic situations, or people with mental health issues, or traffic violations. Those are totally different jobs. My roommate is a social worker who works with children with visual and cognitive impairments they understand specialiy. The problem is that we ask cops to have 25 specialities and then give them a gun and remind them constantly that everyone who isn't a cop wants to kill them. No one could succeed in that position so it is time to invest in other methods. To do that we need to free up a budget and try something. We don't agree completely on what the solution is or will be. But I think we talked ourselves away from the idea that it would be the purge.

Woeful Wednesday

I’m doing my best but most just aren’t listening. Until they’re the ones being beaten and murdered they don’t really give a damn. It’s more frustrating than I can put into words. I’ve opted instead to donate to a BLM organization every time I come across an ignorant or inflammatory post. It’s better for my mental health since I don’t know how else to explain to these idiots that they should care about other people. The fact that I even have to make that statement disgusts me to my core.

Kittenpants

With heartache. I’m white and my partner is an immigrant and person of color. He says that it is hard for him to understand racism because he hasn’t personally experienced it. He came to the US during unrest in his home country and could not return to see his family for ten years and thinks order should be prioritized above all else. We did have a good conversation about it after I attended a protest. I try to approach it calmly and empathetically but I’m struggling.

Jason Remington

I live in NC. My family are all in agreement that this has been a long time coming and we're hopeful for real reforms. The people at my job are less enlightened. I nearly lost my shit when one of the guys that drives a truck for a supply company we use tried to tell me George Floyd wasn't murdered. I stood up, raised my voice, and said "So you're telling me I didn't see what I saw. You're telling I'm fucking blind." He barged out. He apologized the next time I saw him, though not for what he said but where he said it. His brother in law is a Chicago cop apparently.

David Rintoul

I live in Canada. I'm a straight, white, middle-aged, male, privileged kind of guy. All of my friends and family of all backgrounds support Black Lives Matter (which has a very active Toronto chapter). We also think Trump's bungling of this latest development is abysmal. Living next door to the US, we probably have a more objective vantage point to stand back and look at the problem. It's very clear that race is strangely bubbling just below the surface of every issue in the US. I went to a business meeting in Atlanta to plan a presentation. Another guy, Jim, who was born in Australia had flown in from his worksite in California. Normally Warren, the local guy from Atlanta would be expected to "emcee" this type of presentation. Warren kept saying that wasn't advisable in this case. Jim kept asking why and Warren kept beating around the bush. There were a few local people at the table, but they sat in stony silence. Somehow sensing what the issue was (watching In the Heat of the Night too many times?) I said, 'Warren, you're going to have to tell them what you mean in plain language." He replied, "because I'm black. Gwinett is a very racist county" I don't know if that was accurate about Gwinnet or not. My point is that race seems to be always top of mind in the US to a degree we don't see in other parts of the world. It's like the elephant in the room that nobody mentions. When I'm in the States and I mention something about improving race relations, the reply is always, "don't go there." Well, if you don't go there, you'll never get there.

Percy

I'm not from the US, so everyone here is fully on-board with the protesters, which is great. Just like everyone in the US was very cool with protesters in Hongkong shooting cops with bows and arrows, I guess. Also not that much talk about looting, which is good. The tricky part really is to convince people that racism and police brutality does not only exists in the you US. Which is a little annoying, but it is a good opportunity for a necessary conversation and most people come around quickly, so I still hope we will all come out of this as better people eventually.

Michael Gravina

I've had some success punching up the awareness of my already-progressive parents and helping steer them away from some sneaky propaganda masquerading as moderation. I've got an uncle, though, who is squarely in the "I guess there's been SOME excesses, but also rioters deserve whatever police to do them, and once Trump is gone everything will be fine" conservative camp. He thinks he's being very fair-minded and thinks my partner and I are annoying pedants who need to soften our tone before he will be bothered to hear us on the subject of his "All Lives Matter, beat the looters, and sometimes black people are just complainers" posts. But I have to recognize that there's at least some room for improvement there. I have two other uncles that I haven't yet approached, though - they're much steeper slopes. It's also important to acknowledge how many people I know who have shifted their worldview a lot in a relatively short period of time. But my uncles have come to symbolize to me the anchors that keep the momentum of moments like these from carrying forward like it should. Patience is important, so I do work where I know it has some effect, and test boundaries regularly to see whether there's new room for change.

Pooch

Over in Australia here, I wasn't able to get to our city protest laat Saturday as my kids and I went to my grandparents' 5 hours away (they havnt met my youngest). My parents were also there, and we were all eqtching coverage of the Aus and worldwide protests. My Nan and Pop, who I've always assumed were more right leaning, (a few of my uncles sure the fuck are), turns out are very pro the movement which amazed me! My Mum thinks a bit more on the lines of All Lives Matter (the sort that misunderstands the problem) and got absoluely schooled by my Nan. She followed it on with ripping on the police in thr US, 'if I was making good points and got tear gassed I' wredk their shit too' So suprisingly turns out most of my family is pretty onboard with BLM and Indigenous Rights over here.

Delaney Jade

I have been talking to them mostly on the phone, and it has been fine for me, I'm way to the left of them but they are at least liberals. My grandparents had my uncle and his wife and kid move in with them recently to help take care of them as they're aging, and then my grandma also moved in her sister Carol. She and Carol didn't talk for years after their mother's death as I recall, and I have never been very fond of Carol. Her son did a rape as a teen that she doesn't know about but all the rest of us do, and he also grew up to be a cop (shocker). She has been getting very defensive of cops since all this started, and saying a bunch of racist shit, and my grandma says that aunt Carol and my grandad have had actual screaming fights about it. She also insists "Carol isn't racist at heart" which drives me insane, and says she is glad I'm not there to join the fighting, which hurts my feelings. I have a jealousy problem with that anyway because I was hoping to move in with them before Carol showed up and now there is no room, and I am alone in a tiny box with my cat... Anyway I'm grateful my grandad and uncle don't just let her garbage slide, even though it causes Conflict, because it reminds me that while they're libs they do still care.

Devlin Baker

My dad is starting to get it, but my mom is apparently a fox news person and has been hiding this until now. She wrote 20 pages of text to me defending the police, mourning Candace Owen's career, and a list of hundreds of pieces of property damaged in the protests. Not one FUCKING word about George Floyd or any victims dying right now. I love my mom so much and the fact that she's like this is really hurting me. It feels like my whole world is upside down. My mental health isn't handling it well. Trying to practice self care and suppport protests from home. My gf is vulnerable to covid so I can't protesr physically. The fact that my own mother is so up fox news' ass-mouth is really making me feel powerless, but I will try to press on

Andrew T. Wilson

It's tough. My wife's family have been surprisingly receptive, other than having to push back on the typical "they should pull their pants up" stuff (Seriously?! Racism aside, nobody even dresses like that anymore.), they've been willing to listen. My parents on the other hand... The thing I really can't come to grips with is how my parent's political philosophy distances them from the people around them. On paper my they appear more active on social reform than most: my mom taught in primarily black schools for 35 years, they work with families of incarcerated people, and volunteer at food banks; all around the south side of Atlanta... ... ...The place they white flighted us out of when I was seven or eight. You see, my parents have always been connected conservatives, (No joke, I knew Newt Gingrich as a child and called him "Uncle Newt". (There is no vomit face emoji disgusted enough.)) They are completely indoctrinated in the base puritanical myth of our country: "Helping people after a crisis is noble, helping so there never is a crisis is "enabling"." So my father will go far out of his way to support the families of black prisoners, but never question whether or not their loved one should be in prison. My mother will spend her weekends making sure people have food, but never recognizes those people she has gotten to know as the same people she derides as "welfare queens". I can't seem to find a way to get them to connect mentally between the deprivation they see first hand and the policies they support. I'll be honest, we haven't talked since this all started. I haven't been able to bring myself to stomach another fight that starts out with me calmly explaining the protest position (because they WILL ask), and ends with them claiming that what I want is Chinese tanks in our streets. Then I'll tell them I'd rather be a Communist than a Fascist, and hang up on them, then call a couple of days later and we'll all pretend it never happened. PS- Something that might be good to say directly on your show, since I was surprised to encounter some people who were surprised by the idea: We should all stop watching police procedurals, they infect our brains with illusions of hero cops.

dduncombe

I'm from the Caribbean where racism is… different. Those of us who have traveled to the US have more understanding but there is a lot of ignorance and a long history of tension between Caribbean people and black Americans. We’re more small c conservative because we’re well-behaved natives and a lot of my family and friends say the typical mainstream media bullshit—LOOTING COMMA VIOLENCE. I'm the SJW in the group and it is tiring picking what to start a discussion about. They can hit the racist/homophobic/transphobic/capitalist jackpot in 1.3 sentences. I'm at the point where I'd rather push the people who get some of it a little further than spend my time reasoning with racists. These kinds of arguments are partly why my brother hasn't spoken to me in more than a year and I’m drained. I’m making sure people are seeing the videos and asking questions like “where are the police with missing eyes?” and “where are the dead police officers” and comparing that with the protestor injuries and deaths. I used to be a reporter and I’m genuinely shocked at how effective the media narrative has been, despite the internet and all of the evidence. It’s honestly terrifying.

Emily Kugler

That's an interesting question. The people I talk to regularly, yes we are talking about it. But in many cases, we were already talking about it, and in some cases working on projects related to it. Other family, well we haven't talked in a long while in part because of this. I guess if we go back to BLM starting, that is probably when a lot of the clearer breaks started to happen with people. Ferguson and Charlottesville were definite moments where it became harder and harder to follow calls to be "polite" to the people arguing about how police needed military equipment or saying the alt-right didn't exist. And in most cases the break was mutual, at some level, my dad loves me but it is hard for him not to see me as an "enemy" and he really hates hearing opinions other than his own. Mostly, I end up arguing with some of my in-laws (usually the men born around the start of WWII, and usually I am backed up by women from that generation). Basically, they either feel that the civil rights era brought equality, they fetishize the idea of equality over equity, they parrot some libertarian talking points even while claiming to be liberal, or in one special case, feel that we need to put horrible people in power to spur on a revolution in order to lessen income inequality (that is the position of one very special Trump voter). The topics of debate: 1) Protest in the street vs shelter in place 2) White people [not all but..] performing allyship and centering the conversation on their own individual journeys (debate is on how to handle it) 3) Can you include law enforcement in any collective action for change? A friend wants to recruit a cop we know to help people train to counteract police violence. I don't think it is worth asking her. I live in a predominately AfAm/Latinx neighborhood and work at an HBCU. And over the years, my social circle has moved leftwards and I have distanced myself from a lot of family members. I'm originally from Central California with a lot of relatives in Northern (at least one episode of It Could Happen Here made me perversely nostalgic). I known Trump votes, because they are either family or something close to family. Over the years we have drifted. In part due to choices I have made to limit contact and also because they find my views hard to stomach and because I moved across a continent. So, yeah, I am arguably in a bubble. But I like my bubble. I like not having to explain that institutionalized white supremacy exists because my students already know this. I like not being the only one who will speak out when someone says something xenophobic, classist, transphobic, racist, homophobic, etc. I like that when someone drunkenly explained that my family deserved to be interned during WWII because of Pearl Harbor (and weirdly, the Rape of Nanking), I wasn't left on my own to handle it or told to "not make a big deal about it." I like that a straight cis economically privileged white dude backed me up in that and other moments. I really admire those who reach out to explain, deradicalize, et al with people who don't view them as fully human. I just think there is work I can do in areas other than that. And I don't miss being defined within a social group as the feminist killjoy (okay, sometimes, yes, it is fun to return that role).

FroodOfHoops

My mum in particular has been getting more Online recently, particularly on Twitter. My parents are both kind and caring people, and progressive in many ways for a pair of white middle-class English boomers. But a thing I said to my wife the other day about their reaction to the protests (and the whole JK Rowling thing) was: "You know, I'm not even sure they would have voted for Obama for a third term if they could have." For a while it's been weird for me and my younger brother just trying to explain why social justice issues in general were so worth getting passionate about. Now I'd say they're moving toward a kind of radical centrism. They generally acknowledge the social problems we're talking about, but seem increasingly resistant to most proposed solutions, and any ideas that might actually get anything done are dismissed as extreme.

Pablo Holguin

Never really talked to my family about politics and I just moved into my girlfriend's place from my parents house at the beginning of quarantine. I tried a couple of times to talk to them in 2016 how bad Trump is and Bernie was really progressive. I realized then that they're mostly really conservative and it took a lot to just get them to vote democratic. I still remember several uncles talking about how great Ted Cruz was and they support him fully. My mom still wants me to go visit and doesn't realize it's not safe for the economy to open up fully. I've tried to inform them and help then see what's happening but they don't believe me at all. They still demonize protestors and refuse to believe I have depression, telling me it's an attitude problem.

Tölvölvan

My friends have all been on board for BLM protests and providing aid so I can't complain. I did have a friend unfriend me in FB because I told them to stop attributing some random guys suggestion to blow up fireworks to the organizers of a protest we went to, that was less great. I think you should avoid possibly implicating other people in crimes right now because the police are rioting and are more likely to seriously harm people.

Brontë Josephine

In Australia -- I'm relly lucky to have fairly left-leaning parents both support BLM. My nan too is understanding and actively trying to educate herself on these issues. I've been having a lot of discussions on Facebook with old friends who have differing opinions, they have been mostly constructive and calm. That being said, there definitely is not as much heat here as there is in the States. Having the AFL teams Collingwood and Richmond take a knee after the first footy game of the year was very good to see. There is a long and pretty gross history between australian indigenous men and football.

Bobby Stewart

My mother brought it up to my wife and I. It did not go so well. We are moving to the opposite side of the country soon.

Transthropology

My parents are pretty left-leaning but they're not radical in any sense. I called my mom out for saying business had a right to erase sidewalk chalk to protect their merchandise. Protestors had written the names of the dead on city sidewalks and a woman who owned a fabric store had hosed them all off, claiming she didn't want chalk walked into the store where she had bolts of fabric on the floor. It was such a lame excuse and I told her as such and said it was racist to value property and capitalism over acknowledging what's happening right now and she apparently got so offended I came at her that she complained about it in marriage counseling with my dad. They like the look of being supportive but want none of the real structural change and when I challenge them to think harder, they take it as me, personally, not liking them. I mean, I don't, but that's not why we're talking about this shit.

Kyle Leleux

I posted an Instagram story asking people if they had any questions about what defunding the police would look like to see if I could demystify the idea for them. I only got 2 people to respond and luckily engaged in good faith discussions. It’s small, but it’s something I can control.

Ramonalisa

I recently had a phone conversation with my 70 year old father, that devolved into a 45 minute argument where i was trying to convince him you should not be empathizing with these cops. It ended in a place I could have never imagined. We ended speaking softly and civilly and he admitted that sometimes he says ignorant things and he offends his friends of colour and it makes him feel bad because that wasn't his intent. And then the conversation became about growing as humans and bettering ourselves and overcoming ignorance. I have never in my life connected with him like that or ever really heard him talk like that at all in my life. I'm still kind of in shock.

Douglas Boyle

Over the weekend I found myself explaining to my 78 year old parents how the "Boogaloo Bois" got that name after they asked what the hell it meant. I spent a great deal of time explaining nearly 40 years of intertwined pop/internet culture to them as background including breakdancing, 4-Chan, etc. Fortunately my parents are pretty progressive already so it wasn't like I was convincing them of anything but they were stunned at the level of shittiness that is out there.

Angela Conti

After my mom posted the bogus "Irish Slave" myth on Facebook, I realized just how entrenched she is. Also hearing my brother and cousins discussing the protests with disdain and blatantly valuing property over lives. They live in the small town we all grew up in back in western Washington and I moved to Chicago in 2012. Currently, I am at the stage of gently inviting them to chat with me about race relations today and American history. I am terrified that no one in my family knows how to check out an information source before gobbling it up. I am more terrified of hitting a wall in our discussions if they refuse to learn and broaden their worldview.