Hampered (Patreon)

At some point in 2024, I began demanding that anyone who wrote an over-pedantic or mildly hurtful comment under a comic on the badmachinery.com send me a Fortnum & Mason Imperial Hamper (price: £6000). I don't know what I would do if I received one; as a slight man living alone, I don't think my constitution could absorb the decadent contents of its wicker payload. I would be dead within the week.

But having made an offhand comment about this legendary loot-crate once, followed by dozens more thanks to a well-meaning but over-vigorous subsection of the commentariat, I have found myself often thinking about designing my own hamper. But there was never time. Until I found myself waiting for a late-running friend the other night, when idly I drew this:

Obviously, this is only a small hamper, not truly imperial, and my time was limited, but the contents are choice. So next time you crack open a carton of Sweet Wind, breathe deep and think of me. Crack open your chambered international ham and let the good times roll.