Home
Creators
Search Recent Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

GAM246 - Assassin 33 A.D. (Patreon)

Published:
2020-05-04 03:14:15
Imported:
2026-06

Downloads

Content

We teamed up with guest masochist and stand-up comedian Johnny Taylor to review a real movie that really got made in real reality about Islamic extremists using a time machine to kill Jesus and erase Christianity.

Comments

Thomas Rogers

I haven’t listened yet but I’m going to be pro time assassin

Chris

Sounds like whomever made this thought they could make a Christian Assassin's Creed.

Jessica P

“…Because this movie was cut together by the monkey Ronald Reagan put to bed in Bedtime for Bobo…” That line…

Andrew Nielsen

Yeah, Muslims killing the prophet mentioned most in the Qu'ran, who didn't die of crucifixion but was lifted to heaven seems...weird. Like a really really basic failure to know what the fuck Islam is about.

Nemoutopian

Yay! Signs next! I am so happy!

The Real Moorey

Haven’t watched yet....and only 1/3 through the episode...but why travel to 33ad, AFTER he’s done Jesusing?

General Contact Unit Problem Child

I hate to defend the movie but they explain they have to kill him after he does all the stuff that gets into the Quran, which is basically all the stuff apart from the resurrection

Diana

Does Eli really think that's the title of the movie? My dad was a Republican who said "Bedtime for bonzo!" every night for my entire childhood.

The Real Moorey

Riiiight.....I’m sure it will make sense after listening.

General Contact Unit Problem Child

technically 33AD would be the Iron age, and racism against black Africans wasn't really a thing in ancient Rome ….the one time Noah’s knowledge of ancient history would have been useful

Stormy Decisis

Ok, over-under on the chances that the inexplicable display of basic math was there because one of the directors believes that Al-Gebra is a Muslim plot.

Kamil Gregor

1st century is as distant from the Bronze Age as we are from the Vikings.

Denise Huston

So the DST thing is dumber than the "don't forget to wind your watch," from Bill & Ted, because Bill & Ted weren't supposed to be genius physicists.

Denise Huston

TOMATOES IN ANCIENT ISRAEL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Jan Cerny

Posting before I listen: whatever imbecilities happen in this flick, I have to give the makers props for a bit of imagination. At least it won't be Kirk Cameron arguing about buying a boat.

Zaridjr

I see Ram is kinky.

Lauren W

Fun fact, the guy who played Jesus went to my college. He was on American Idol, it was a whole thing. Apparently acting isn't one of his talents.

Lauren W

Yep! Romans just thought anyone who wasn't Roman was trash. Hell, two Roman emperors (Septimus Severus and Caracalla) were black. Hell, of the GAM crew, Noah would most likely be the biggest target since he had long hair like a Celt.

Markus Ekedahl

I subscribe to these bonus episodes on Feedly using the Patreon RSS link but for some reason this one just never showed up. Anyone else have this problem?

crystaloftruth

I want to go back and bang Marty McFly's mom so bad.

crystaloftruth

Interesting, it didn't show up on mine (Apple podcasts) but I'd been thinking it was because my patron payment went through late

Andy Ward

If Daylight Savings screwed them up like that, what about the change to the Gregorian calendar?

David S.

I realize it's not worth it to examine these movies too closely, but if that plan with the sticks worked why didn't they all materialize with a bunch of goddamn air in their bodies? Bugs or a bunch of dirt could've been hovering where they appeared and integrated into their internal organs. Hell do we just assume they're good enough to not go back and end up 1000ft in the air or inside the ground, they weren't going back to the exact same space they started were they?

Jay Reynolds

After listening to this, I SO want to hear Heath and Eli trying to keep "Primer" straight. LOL

Andrew Nielsen

Eh, I'm not sure about black, Severus was born to a mixed Punic-Roman family living in North Africa. And his wife, Caracalla and Geta's mother, was apparently from an Arab family. So he'd probably look more middle eastern to modern Americans than he would black, though of course the racial categories in Rome would be different and it's really hard to apply cultural ideas of race onto other cultures and time periods. Like you're saying, the Roman didn't really care about skin-color, you had pure Romans from Italy (the best), Provincial Roman families that spread out and intermarried with other groups (originally pretty discriminated against, but eventually held most political power and provided most emperors), Romanized Barbarians, and pure barbarians (the worst).

Andrew Nielsen

It does kinda show how Christian movie makers expect everyone else to secretly believe in Christianity, but just hate Jesus. If the assassins are Muslims, assassinating Jesus to prevent the Resurrection makes no sense. 1) it fucks up the Quran since Jesus doesn't die and is lifted up into heaven, and fucks up a ton of different Muslim beliefs about the end-times and the return of the Messiah, since he's supposed to be still alive. 2) In a Muslim world-view, it doesn't prevent Christianity. Jesus was never crucified, Christians are wrong, so while Christians would expect it to stop their religion from existing, Muslims would expect it not to change anything. But of course, as far as the Christian movie makers are concerned, everyone agrees with them but won't admit it.

Kristine VanRaalte

I am relistening to this and OHMYGOD the war Eli makes the changes in the Bible because of the interference of time travel. I was crying.