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September Bonus Thread: BAD KUNG FU (Patreon)

Published:
2020-09-05 23:21:06
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

We want your high kickingest, brick breakingest, worst kung fu we can shake a stick at so hit us with your best shot!

Comments

this fish flies

Pocket Ninjas. It's gotta be seen to be believed

Sneaky

Kung pow ?

Paul Freelend

Does Gymkata count as 'bad kung fu'? I have a feeling Gymkata will show up a fair few times on this thread.

Daniel Nelson

Dragon Ball: Evolution. Highlights: Horrible CGI, main character played by someone with basically no martial arts training, gross misuse of a genuinely talentes martial artist (chow yun-fat), unnecessary high-school drama... The film was actually so bad that it got the creator of the original Dragonball manga to come out of retirement and resurrect the series just so the movie wouldn't be the last thing to bear the Dragonball name. The screenwriter also personally apologize for it.

Uninspired

Edited my original post in order to nominate "the last dragon'

Ben Wilcox

I think you’ve already done bloodsport, street fighter, and the shyamalan avatar, so how about one of the 3 ninjas movies?

Alexander Thomas

Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3.

Eric Meyer

Lone Wolf and Cub (the dubbed version, obviously).

The Popcorn Junkie

Kickboxer and Never Back Down, or any of the 3 Ninjas movies

Joshua Talbert

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky easy choice its amazing like Troll 2 and Birdemic

Trev

Kung Pow - Enter the Fist. Its a fav of mine. If you are looking for real bad movies that are not intending to be hilarious, check out Gymkata, Ninja 3 - The Domination, and No Retreat No Surrender. I will look for links when I have a moment later today.

Jezebel's Human

I would like to recommend “The Legend Of the 7 Golden Vampires” (1974). This is not only a gloriously insane Shaw Brothers Kung fu movie, it is also a co-production with the legendary Hammer Films. Yes, *that* Hammer Films. It actually stars Grand Moff Tarkin himself, Peter Cushing and is the last Dracula movie (because of course Dracula is in it) movie Hammer ever made.

Joshua

The new Mulan. I know the critics say it ranges anywhere from okay to meh but they’re wrong. It’s a bad movie and I had a great time laughing at it with my family last night.

Truffalo

The Last Dragon

Khristle

The mummy dragon emperor

Mother pheasant plucker

Double dragon, the movie based on the video game. Because those are always awesome.

Matty B

Sidekicks. Chuck Norris? Come on!

Troublemaker Jake

Ninja Academy (1988 or 89) it starts with bad fake bird sounds and is on YouTube youtu.be/Qhp1mFyqCSE

Ryan

No Retreat, No Surrender

El Oso Café

I remember that on Saturday Morning Anime on Sci-Fi Channel in the 90s.

Regina Calabrese

It is gloriously awful. Seriously there are some anime out there that make Mystical Laws look like Citizen Kane.

Atheist101

Mortal kombat, was awesome as a kid but so terrible

Joshua T Knights

Did you want bad Kung fu or good bad Kung fu? Because Riki-oh the story of Rikky is some real good bad Kung fu but nothing beats “The last dragon” or the only Irish Martial arts movie “Fatal Deviation”

So Openly Meta Even This Acronyms

Bulletproof Monk Chow Yun-Fat means some of the Kung-Fu is competent. Seann William Scott means most of the humor isn't. The bad guys are Nazis. Mr. Funktastic.

Joshua T Knights

Its bad yeah but its a movie I still like for some reason I could never explain.

Simmo

Samurai cop 2, lone wolf and cub, big trouble in little Tokyo (amazing dialogue staring Dolf Lundgren), bulletproof monk, dragonball evolution, ah so many options!!

David

Dragonball evolution. Hands down the most insulting and damaging thing to happen to America, anime,...and honestly the worst bomb ever dropped on the Japanese culture

Suzanne August

Kung Pow or Surf Ninja - it has the line, “ money can’t buy knives...”

Markus D

I second this, but especially if someone on the podcast is at least semi-aware of Dragon Ball. (Because the The Last Airbender episode wasn't as good as it could be because they weren't familiar with the original.)

Markus D

Which Lone Wolf and Cub is particularly bad?

Justin Campbell

No Retreat, No Surrender. That one's a two'fer... classical 80's cheese in its purest form. And JCVD as a villain!

That Julia Person

Sidekicks! Chuck Noris is a geeky kid's imaginary friend. Mako teaches him karate. He's creepily obsessed with Danica Mckellar. Beau Bridges is inexplicably there. I don't know, man, it's just a mess.

W. E. Mitchell

Absolutely Side Kicks. Chuck Norris, Mako, and Joe Piscopo in that early 90's cheese that can only come from way too much cocaine and crack laced Koolaid Jammers.

David

Fair

TBoneSF

It must be the Mandela effect, but I could have sworn you had already done Miami Connection. A search says otherwise. So my vote is, MIAMI CONNECTION.

Sammy Sews That

https://youtu.be/wOuCdoceyS0 Journey to the West will have you rolling with laughter, completely flummoxed and IT'S A RELIGIOUS MOVIE IT TOTALLY COUNTS. Oh yeah, it's not just kung fu, it's got magic, demons, and monster fights.

Sammy Sews That

Oh, and if you want to have a taste to see if it's good, just watch the first 7 minutes of the movie, it will tell you all you need to know.

Chris

Ninja 3: The Domination is a fun one to rip on. Never seen 1 or 2? Don't worry because there technically isn't a 1 or 2. Wouldn't matter anyway because the story is about woman possessed by a ninja and uses jazzercise to defeat bad guys. Also there's an erotic V-8 drinking scene.

Christopher Hansen

Everyone's favorite Capoeira action flick: Only The Strong. OR, brilliant Eric Roberts vehicle: Best of The Best

Rasmus Ben Haynes

Crippled Masters: Two martial arts masters, one with no legs and the other with no arms, must learn to fight together as one. Includes human Voltron action with legless dude fighting from the back of armless guy. Certainly deserves a GAM treatment!

Michael-Erik

But you already did Bloodsport...

Simmo

I think it might be sword of vengeance that has the demon sex scene? That would be the worst in my opinion, though any lone wolf and cub would be great. Have you seen them? Do you have a fav?

Joshua T Knights

Belly of the beast where Stephen sepal hits a lazy double hand backslap and torpedoes a guy into a bookshelf

Trev

Gymkata and Ninja 3 the Domination are both on prime. No retreat no surrender is on youtube here. https://youtu.be/Ua8Tgv99Ljc You really need to check out Ninja 3, though. It's got a girl being possessed by the spirit of a ninja. It almost fits the regular format. Can't wait to see what you choose!

Jess Donovan

Suggested before but Kung Fury. Available on youtube for anyone with a spare 34 minutes of life changing goodness!

James Ryan

Dancing Ninja (2010) IMDB Synopsis: An ORPHANED boy who dreams of being a ninja arrives in Hollywood to try and find his BIRTH PARENTS, where he gets mixed up in a crime. (Emphasis added) Synopsis according to google. Ikki grows up learning acrobatic dance moves from a mysterious ninja master who forbids his enrollment in a martial arts school. When the master is attacked by an American movie star (David Hasselhoff), Ikki travels to America to avenge his teacher.

Erich Sheogorath

There can be only Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky Some dude pulls out his own (clearly rubber) intestines to choke the main character. Did I mention that it also a prison flick? Plot Hook (The existence of plot was a surprise to me) By the year 2001, all correctional facilities have been privatized. Lik Wong/Ricky Ho, a martial artist, and former music student, is sentenced to 10 years in prison for manslaughter after killing a crime lord indirectly responsible for the death of his girlfriend Keiko/Anne after a group of thugs chased her off the building to her death after witnessing their heroin deal. It is revealed in a flashback Ricky's name as a child was Rick, but his uncle, after seeing how strong he was, decided the name Ricky was more suitable. It is also revealed that Ricky has multiple bullets inside him that he received from his attack on the crime lord, which he refused to remove because he considers them souvenirs.

Aaron Roberto

I'd like to see Beverly Hills Ninja get the evisceration it deserves.

Ilan Woll

They call me Bruce

The Real Moorey

Mr No Legs. Double leg amputee mafia karate hit man. What’s not to like.

Doom

The 36th Chamber of Shaolin.. Rather old, but beyond wild. Cobra Kai show?

David

Come on look how many people are liking the Dragonball Evolution suggestions!!! Has to be the favorite here! I have wanted to make you watch... Erm I mean share that movie with you three since I started listening! As an added benefit they totally whitewashed Goku! It's the ultimate bad movie hahaha

Timothy Addison

Either "Gymkata" or "Ninja 3 : the Domination"

Michael Colon

Looks like I'm gonna have to watch the DBZ movie.

D Criss

Drunken Master

Larry

The Avenging Fist. Unlicensed rip off of the Tekken series of video games. Bad guy looks like M.Bison from Street Fighter and the ultimate weapon is the POWER GLOVE!

Jonathan Edwards

REMO WILLIAMS!!!!!!! Blocking bullets by swatting them out of the air like flies....com'on!!

Kirsa Moonwhisper

Kung Fury! The sidekick is an anthropomorphized Triceratops

Mark H

But that’s a GOOD movie.

Mark H

No ones mentioned 3 Ninjas? Or the Next Karate Kid. I suppose neither or Kung Fu, exactly.

Mark H

Leave Kung Fury alone—it’s fucking amazing!

D Criss

Let Eli choose😂

David Brooklyn

I just found Super-Inframan on Prime Video, it's fantastically bad. Late 70's Shaw Brothers rip on the superhero genera with Power Rangers level effects.

Doom

Mulan? 🤣

David

Hell ya! Also my deepest condolences ahead of time. You might want to intentionally hurt yourself both physically and emotionally before watching so the amount of pain you will be in isn't so sudden that you die of shock 😅

Erik

THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM (2008) - One dimensional film geek (who is NOT Show LaBeouf and whom we never care about) is transported to a mythical past and, of course, learns Kung Fu in a silly short amount of time. Sort of watchable, with Met Li and Jackie Chan in really disappointing fight scenes. Drunken Master vs Monkey King fights!

Niamh Coghlan

No Retreat, No Surrender (1986): - Take 1 Jean-Claude van Damme playing a Russian - Add a 20-something "teenager" who has never acted before and will continue to not act during this movie. - Mix in the most over-the-top "fat kid martial artist" ever. - Garnish with a Bruce Lee-lookalike that fails HARD on the lookalike part. - And cook it all in the most iconic martial arts city of them all.... Seattle. Voila!

Unlearning Ethics.

Exit Wounds. Or something else similarly terri-bad Seagal. The guys need to roast that asshole more.

Sarah Normal

The God of Cookery - a gem by Stephen Chow.

Aaron Roberto

No idea what else I could mean...

The Deep State of Kelno'reem

Showdown in Little Tokyo. Brandon Lee compliments Dolph Lundgren's penis. Also there's martial arts...

Alexis the Crime Rat

Have you not done Ninja 3: The Domination yet? It's amazing.

Zeronian Entity

Clones of Bruce Lee lets dip a toe into Bruceploitation if u want bad kung fu.

David

Ya but that's intentionally a parody of that kind of movie. I would rather hear them rip something apart that tried to be good haha

Andrew Dean

It’s actually an awesome movie but THE BOXER’S OMEN (1983) combines kickboxing, sick old school special effects and Buddhist witch demons. Plenty for the crew to chew on...

lil-brudder89

I wanna suggest Crippled Avengers, but that’s actually a REALLY good kung fu movie. It’s about four guys who are all crippled by a dude with metal arms. They all go find a kung fu master who teaches them each a kung fu style that compliments their particular handicap. It’s a Shaw Brothers production and has a lot of the same people who are in Five Deadly Venoms.

Sally Stewart

Pistol Opera! It's about assassins trying to kill their competition to rise to the highest level in the assassin rankings. There's a teleporting couch lady and absolutely nothing makes sense.

JP Salentine

3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain

crystaloftruth

My brother used to love this. Nothing would be more perfect than to hear it ridiculed.

tronvillain

Double Team, for added Dennis Rodman?

Ky

The Dragon Lives Again. The plot is basically this fake Bruce Lee dies and is sent to the underworld where he is greeted by the king of hell. The king of hell says not to mess with him or he will make an earth quake happen, Fake Bruce lee says he doesn't care and leaves to go get some food at a restaurant. At the restaurant he meets Popeye the Sailor man and they become friends, Then all of the sudden James Bond and Clint Eastwood walk in with a gang of skeletons and they tell Bruce Lee not to mess with them because they work for the godfather. The two groups fight and Bond and Eastwood go back and tell the Godfather that Lee is a tough son of a bitch. The rest of the movie is basically the godfather sending various fictional characters after Lee and Popeye to fight. The reason for this is because the godfather wants to take over hell but Lee doesn't even like the king of hell so the whole thing makes no sense. In the end Lee kills the godfather and the king of hell. I'm not having a stroke, this is seriously the fucking plot!