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December Bonus Suggestion Thread: Crappy Christmas (Patreon)

Published:
2020-12-04 13:38:33
Edited:
2020-12-04 13:38:52
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

hit us with your worst christmas films! Shlocky family crap. Weird horror christmas? You suggest and we'll ingest! 

Comments

Michael Cox

Just saw the weirdest Christmas movie, Farman with Mel Gibson. It just became our new holiday tradition.

Jen Moore

Babes in Toyland!

Chris

Elves. Eugenics, evil rubber puppet elves, and a drunk Dan Haggerty in a Santa Claus suit. What more could you want in Christmas film? https://youtu.be/GLo795JFfpg

Don Toovey

It’s not awful but would be fun big trouble in little china.I think it’s set at xmas

Erich Sheogorath

An American Christmas Carol (1979) Hard sell: Henry Winkler is Jewish Scrooge ( Benedict Slade). The Ghost of Christmas future is played by a very talented actor doing his best Shaft, and it is free on youtube

Don Toovey

Turbo man the arnie movie

Nolan B.

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2

Nolan B.

That one is at least unique with an actual story.

Mr Pudifoot

I am pretty sure you mean “Fatman”. Farman is a 1982 Turkish movie from that may be GAM worthy, but may be hard to find.

Icculus90

Oh please, please, PLEASE do the new Netflix movie Happiest Season. Such a horribly toxic relationship and Kristen Stewart acting makes it fantastically bad.

Michael Cox

Should be Fatman, but now I’m curious about Farman.

erin switzer

That's a good movie. They want bad movies.

Kara Z

Yes!!!! I came here to nominate this gem. Best worst eyebrows.

Jezebel's Human

I would like to recommend the 1985 Rankin/Bass movie “The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus”. It’s got everything: a kindly old man just trying to do good in the world, a lion who raised said old man, an Elf who taught said old man to speak to animals, eldritch nature gods who view humanity with disdain, invisible Orcs, dragons, child abuse, slavery, and genocide! And all portrayed with cutesy puppets!

Urotsukido-Jesus

Either “Christmas with the Kranks” or “The Family Stone”

Ilan Woll

Santa Clause Conquers the Martians

Danna Wheeldon

I know Rare Exports It’s a decent film however just the juxtaposition of horror and Santa Claus would be great fun to see rift.

William Yeske

The Life & Adventures of Santa Claus (2000) For a while, I thought this movie from my childhood was a fever dream. It's based on a book by the author who wrote The Wizard of Oz. It's the direct-to-video story of how Santa, a little boy rescued by the Fae, grows up to lead an army to overthrow the invisible mountain spirits terrorizing humanity and earn the Mantle of Immortality. Official Trailer: https://youtu.be/qpxv_sWMy-c

William Yeske

I never saw the 1985 one. Is it as bad as the 2000 version?

Jezebel's Human

It's the same story, but something about the cutesy puppets just makes it all the more batshit.

Joshua

I’m going to be honest, I haven’t actually seen this but... The Christmas Prince. There’s no way it’s not GAM material.

Richard Marlowe

Christmas Evil...completely cheesy Christmas horror movie

K

Santa’s Christmas Elf named Calvin

Thomas J McMullan

I would like to suggest 1-Santa Claus Conquers the Martians 2-Krampus 3-Ebenezer (old west Christmas Carol starring Jack Palance) 4-Black Christmas 5-Silent Night Deadly Night ( I remember the new stories with parents freaking out about this) 6-The Santa Clause 3 ( or any of them)

Gerald Lott

Y’all already destroyed Mr. Kruger’s Christmas but you need to kill it at the source: It’s a Wonderful Life

Geoffrey T. Blackwell

How about a trip deep into the uncanny valley on The Polar Express?

Suzanne August

I could not watch - it was TERRIBLE!! Would be perfect for GAM.

Khristle

I know you don't normally do kids movies but dear God, my family tortures me every year with the Barbie Christmas Carole. Or we could always go old school with Nestor the Christmas Donkey. I know we had that one on a double feature with Frosty 2 which is equally bad

lil-brudder89

There’s a version of this done with stop motion by the same studio that did Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

JP Salentine

The Knight Before Christmas on Netflix

TBoneSF

The old Disney one with Annette Funicello, or the Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves (in full "Whoa!" mode) made-for-tv movie? I'm guessing the latter.

TBoneSF

Santa Claus: The Movie. The producers of the Christopher Reeve Superman movies said "Gee, we want to make a big blockbuster superhero movie for the winter months and we don't want to have to pay for a licensed character. What's in the public domain?".

Kurt Montandon

Die Hard 2 was pretty bad. So was "Babes In Toyland," one of those '60s movies that was actually about tripping balls while never admitting it.

Windy City Roger

Based on Eli's recent Twitter post, I want the GAM guys to watch nightmare before Christmas

Pentherby

"A New York Christmas Wedding" on Netflix. Because LGBT deserve shitty Christmas movies, too. A selection from the New York Post: "...a Yuletide angel shows Jennifer what could have been, if she hadn’t pursued her rich Manhattanite boyfriend but instead followed her secret feelings for her best friend in working-class Queens... The movie, which co-stars Tyra Ferrell from Boyz N the Hood, was made in 14 days last August on a shoestring budget and filmed all over New York City, including the subway... Chris Noth as a priest wrestling with whether or not to officiate the same-sex marriage..." It's wonderfully terrible. Awkward lesbian makeout to O Tannenbaum! An adorable dog! Is that Chris Noth? Off kilter camera angles! Twink guardian gayngel! Is this random subplot about abortion? Best to watch while very, very high.

Gerald Lott

Holy fucking shit...I just watched the first 1:50 seconds kinda bored...but the next 20 seconds!?!?!?!? I don’t know if I can handle it.

The Real Moorey

National Lampoons was pretty bad...and Randy Quaid for extra shitcunt jokes.

Truffalo

Krampus, a "horror comedy" that tries to emulate evil dead but is somehow even more campy

Kurt Montandon

That was last year's Christmas GAM Bonus.

Stonedbanana

Thank you for letting me know this exists!

Scoop Bucky

The Search for Santa Paws or Santa Paws 2 The Santa Pups

Wesley Aaron

Jack Frost with Michael Keaton. It's soo bad.

Leslie Marchant

"Four Christmases" or "Surviving Christmas"

Anne the transwoman

This might make Heath mad, but Die Hard 2 -- it fails as a movie, it fails as a Christmas movie, and it fails as a die hard movie.

Anne the transwoman

Whhaaaa ? This movie is awesome ! Ok, fine, it's cinematic trash, but C'mon it's awesome.

Irregular History Network

In the same vein as when you did “Miracle on 34th Street”, I wanna see you guys take on “It’s a Wonderful Life”

Katy Hill

Which Black Christmas? It’s been remade twice

Katy Hill

Black Christmas (2019). It is the second remake, so you know it’s just extra special because of that alone. It also has an adorable cat.

john Morrow

The Santa Clause: 1, 2, or 3. The third one with Martin short may be the ultimate brain cancer.

Robert Hullah

Santa's Slay. Bill Goldberg as Santa, finally free to be an asshole. I enjoy it, but I know it is a little off for some people.

Sarvis

Really, I just need them to spend almost two hours making fun of Tim Allen.

Anne the transwoman

Whhaaaa that movie was awesome ! It's got bill Murray in it. Bill. Motherfucking. Murray.

Anne the transwoman

Two votes, that movie was baaaaaad. The only redeeming factor was Tim Curry.

Anne the transwoman

The fuck did I just watched ?! Wow. It's like blood freak level of insanity.

Tyler Stanley

Gotta be Elves or Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Kara Z

Don’t worry if you haven’t seen the 1st, it is covered thoroughly including 4 sets of boobs in the first half hour from the first movie.

Kara Z

Also, there is a cute cat.

Almost Wednesday

The Holiday-decent actors but it's terrible and sugary sweet.

Michael Colon

Santa Claus the Movie (1985) Don't know if it's done, but we just watched this and it's got everything for you guys. Over-acting (John Lithgow). Under acting (everyone else). Fucking Dudley Moore! Misunderstanding of the homeless (a Dickensian street urchin in the middle of 20th century New York City). And very cringey approach on how to deal with homeless people. 😬 Check it out.

Mobius Rex

Every time I see merchandise with that leg lamp on it, I die inside just a little more.

Mobius Rex

Imagine German Grandma summoned Krampus to kill off everyone but her favorite grandson and rewatch. Gruss vom Krampus, mutter fickers!

Carbon

It might not be a Christmas movie, I dunno. Don't care when you do it, just humbly offering up a kidney for you to do it someday

john Morrow

Ebbie (1995) - Susan Lucci as Ebenezer Scrooge.

Liz Rosenberg

There's also Miracle on 34th Street, not to mention that Jimmy Stewart bummer which is on every year

Connie Sin.

A Holiday Horror Story 2015 knock off of Krampus. It's good bad but still bad.

Evelyn

Adam Sandlers 8 crazy nights. Its Sandlers comedy except animated. Its also technically religious.

john Morrow

I see your die hard 2 and raise you for hard 5. Before you say it: all die hard movies are automatically Christmas movies.