Saturday Update! (Patreon)

This update is gonna be another fairly short one I'm afraid 😅

I woke up, I think every hour last night, with nightmares about Willow because I'm gonna spend ONE DAY away from her. So I might be incoherent-ish. My insomnia has reached second boss phase LMAO

I was hoping that my new AC would have me bouncing back and totally in the zone with my work, but I am frustrated to admit that I struggled badly with more fatigue and headaches all week. I kept working through it anyway, and my headache went nuclear on Thursday [ maybe a migraine, I don't really know, but it was very bad ]. I often have a week or sometimes 2 week long headaches but they don't usually get that bad.

I just feel like I'm getting screwed on the exchange rate on resting and working. I've been doing my best to eat and exercise well, yet I've been fighting to stay awake by noon, and waking up all night.

The AC is at least making me more comfortable and I know it's been letting me sleep when I normally wouldn't be able to.

I'm wondering if maybe I just have some light burnout, hitting harder because it's the peak of summer.

I'll be honest, it's really annoying me badly 😂 This project is an ocean behind me and in front of me, and I'm swimming and swimming and it's so hard to convince myself I'm getting somewhere, and that it'll be worth it, even when experience tells me it will.

This is definitely something I've dealt with during every game development project though. It always feels like this, but knowing it always feels like this doesn't make the feeling stop 😂

I always struggle with how long the project takes, and I always struggle with my confidence. No matter how many people reassure me and tell me they love what they see, or they love what I've done before, it's just always there. Because I don't think, ultimately, it's even about other people. It's between me and me. I have this grand idea in my head and I'm struggling to make it real. And I'm failing. Objectively, I'm failing to make it as great as I imagine. And it's hard to be alone with that, you know? And to choose to keep going anyway.

But like I said, I've been here before. It's hard to keep going but I will. I think I'm falling off the wagon a bit right now, and I think I need some rest and maybe some time off [ sorry ._. ] but I will get back on the wagon and always keep going.

[ Please don't repost my stuff to social media | Пожалуйста, не публикуйте мои работы в TikTok. ]

Willow Corner!

I'll be spending a lot of time outside this weekend, and I'm not really sure, but I think I'll at least take a couple days off next week. I need to do something about this burnout or whatever it is. So my next update might be super lame 😅 I will try to think of something regardless of what happens!

Stay safe all, and thank you for your support. Not just for letting me rest when I need to, but for cheering me on and encouraging me, even though my struggle with confidence never seems to go away. It doesn't mean I don't appreciate you guys or what you say. I really do, it means a lot to me.