【100】The Day I Learned Weakness and My Limit (Pixiv Fanbox)

🕯️ This one’s a bit longer than usual.

Recently, while doing some grip strength training, I stumbled upon an unexpected realization.

It became a chance to face my own weakness — and to rethink how I want to move forward with my creative work.

This is both a record of that moment and a guidepost for my journey ahead.

🟢 Let’s start with the conclusion:

“Anchors hit the limit again—so I’m choosing liberation this time.”

①: It Always Starts in the Most Unexpected Ways

This summer, I spent a lot of time doing farm work, and I actually started to build some decent muscle.

Feeling a bit proud of that, I soon dove back into doujin work and private commissions—only to end up completely exhausted once again.

So now, I’ve slowed down my posting pace and shifted to working at a calmer rhythm.

Then, one day, I casually bought a hand gripper (apparently “gripper” is what enthusiasts call them).

I tried squeezing it and...

“No way... my grip strength is this weak!?”

②: The Hard Truth — and What Came After

The gripper I bought was rated at 45 kg. I could barely squeeze it halfway.

Then I tried a 25 kg one—still only managed about 80%.

Which means... my grip strength is probably only around 20 kg!?

(For reference, my father could easily close the 45 kg one. The average adult man’s grip strength is apparently around that.)

That moment hit me hard.

I realized—I’m much weaker than I thought.

I believed I’d become stronger in both body and mind, but that was only an illusion.

And strangely enough, acknowledging that truth brought me an unexpected sense of joy.

③: What I Found Within Weakness

I’m weak.

That’s precisely why I’ve spent so long trying desperately to become strong.

To catch people’s attention, to be kind to everyone, to always play the “good person.”

But in truth, all that effort was just a way of denying the weaker parts of myself.

Now, being able to recognize my weakness within a space of safety—that made me happier than anything.

It showed me that I could live without hurting myself, even as a fragile person.

And it reminded me that the “limit” I thought I’d reached... was actually much lower than I believed.

It felt like discovering a single glimmer of light in the dark—

a small omen of something ahead.

④: The Road Ahead

So from here on, I want to start loosening the layers I’ve built up around myself.

Here’s how that liberation will take shape:

No more “scheduled” or “quota-based” updates

→ I’ll still post exclusive works, but not by fixed dates or set numbers.

I’ll simply share what I create when inspiration lights a fire in me, and let that flame burn until it’s satisfied.

Requests, only when I feel like it

→ Thank you for all the wonderful requests!

Going forward, I’ll move away from a request-box system and instead respond spontaneously when something sparks me.

Occasional diary posts

→ Like the 100-yen plan journals I’ve been writing—casual reflections, small joys, the things I’ve been playing or thinking about lately.

To sum it up: I’ll prioritize what I want to do, when I want to do it.

And to prioritize what I want—

is, I think, to love myself as I am.

Even as a flawed human, I’m alive. I’m moving toward my dreams and goals.

To hold that truth close, to love myself as I go—

that’s the best way I know to savor this journey called life.

⑤: In Closing

When I ask myself, “What’s my dream, really?”

I never get a clear answer.

Part of me keeps searching for some grand “true dream.”

But just as this world creates meaning from meaninglessness,

we can create dreams from the emptiness within our own hearts.

So by loving ourselves as we are,

we can clear the fog of anxiety, one wisp at a time,

and draw the dreams we choose to believe in with our own hearts.

Our journey will continue—always.

And somewhere along each of our paths,

I believe a treasure is waiting for us.

Let’s keep walking together until we find it.

If my art and words can serve as a small light for that journey,

then I couldn’t ask for anything more.

Thank you for reading to the end.

May you, too, find the quiet omens that lead you toward your own dream today.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Anchors / Hermit9

P.S.:

By the way, imagining what kind of spouse you’d meet if you got isekai’d can really improve your quality of life. Try it sometime!