Midnight Pals: Cowboys (Patreon)

Stoker: i've got a great story for you all tonightKoontz: dracula?Stoker: no dean it's not draculaBarker: you have other stories besides draculaStoker:Stoker: yes clive i do have other storiesBarker: damn big if true!

Stoker: what are you implying clive? i have plenty of stories!Stoker: i'm not some one hit wonder like maryMary Shelley: whoa there cowboyShelley: maybe you wanna back that the fuck up?Stoker: i'm sorry mary, i didn't mean itStoker: clive got me all riled up

Barker: tho bram does raise an interesting pointShelley: oh does he? does he raise an interesting point? and what would that point be clive?Shelley: think real careful before you answerBarker: iShelley: real carefulShelley: real fuckin carefulBarker:Barker: i withdraw the point

Shelley: i wrote plenty of storiesShelley: not my fault you lot only wanna hear frankenstein all the fuckin timeStoker: see? that's exactly what i'm sayingKing: ah jeez we're sorry guysKing: it's just that, ya know...King: dracula! frankenstein!King: they're so iconicKing: they just distract us from all the other stories that you guys apparently wrote

Stoker: that's betterStoker: i didn't JUST write draculaStoker: i also wrote the lair of the white wormBarker: oh yeah we all remember THAT onePoe: cliveKoontz: do the song!

Stoker: the song's not in the storyBarker: oh but the song does slapPoe: dean loves the songPoe: we all love the songStoker:Stoker: siiighStoker: [clapping, tapping foot] ohhhh john dampton went a-fishin', a-fishin' by the weir...

Stoker: you all remember the cowboy in dracula?King: of course! the cowboy was the best part!Stoker: well, what would you say if i wrote a story that was ALL cowboys?King:King: so like a western?Stoker: a what?

Stoker: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the shoulder of shastaStoker: a rollicking romance of the old west starring city gal Esse Elstree and rootin' tootin' cowpoke Grizzly Dick-Barker: waitBarker: haha waitBarker: wait ha ha ha ha i'm sorryBarker: what was ha ha haBarker: what ha ha ha haBarker: haha what was that name again ha haStoker: Grizzly DickBarker: hoo ha ha ha oh my GODBarker: ha ha haBarker: edgar ha haBarker: edgar don't you ha ha haBarker: don't you have anything to say ha ha hooPoe: cliiiivfffffppppphhhbbttttttahhaah ha ha

Stoker: what's so funny?Barker: nothinggggha ha haStoker: do you think there's something funny about Grizzly Dick?Barker: ha ha haaaStoker: Grizzly Dick is the best part of the story!Barker: ha ha haaaaaaStoker: I love Grizzly Dick! Grizzly Dick is my favorite part!Stoker: my wife loves Grizzly Dick!!Barker: hahahahohgodi'mdying

Stoker: next you're going to act like there's something funny about Esse Elstree's stern governessStoker: miss gimpBarker: HA HAH HAHAAAAAStoker: i'm not going to tell the story if you're going to laughBarker: haha ok ok i'll stopStoker: ok goodStoker: so anyway Grizzy Dick saysStoker: [ridiculous cowboy voice] "HOWDY PARDNA YIPPEE KAI YAY GIT ON A ROOTIN AND A TOOTIN-"Barker: AHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARobert E Howard: ain't nothin funny about this, hombre