Midnight Pals: Usher (Patreon)

Mike Flanagan: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, i call this the tale of Edgar Allan Poe's Greatest Hits…Updated for the New Millennium!Flanagan: what if roderick usher was a pharmaceutical bro?Flanagan: what if Hopfrog had a fidget spinner?Flanagan: what if the rue morgue orangutan vaped?

Poe: oh i don't know about thisPoe: i've been burned on this sort of thing beforeFlanagan: no it'll be greatFlanagan: roderick usher's gonna talk just like the big lebowsky cowboy, it'll be great

Flanagan: see, we take everyone's favorite bits from your storiesFlanagan: but thenFlanagan: we give them a nutty little twistFlanagan: to appeal to today's modern a-go-go kids

Flanagan: see, my fall of the house of usher is about this pharmaceutical dynasty crumblingKing: i thought the story was about the actual house falling downFlanagan: haha of course not nothing so literalPoe: actually it is about a house falling downFlanagan:

Flanagan: haha no for realPoe: no i mean it. the house falls downFlanagan:Flanagan: wait, like, literally?Poe: yeahFlanagan:Flanagan: ok then

Flanagan: ok so Roderick and Madeleine Usher have a bunch of kidsFlanagan: Prospero, Tamerline, Victorine, Brevet Brigadier General John A. B. C. SmithFlanagan: and Adolphus Montressor Nu-Nu Metzengerstein Valdemar

Flanagan: which by the way are all references to poe storiesFlanagan: you might not have picked up on that, it's kinda subtlePoe: oh hey this is pretty goodPoe: i'm kinda digging this

Flanagan: now the ushers run Fortunato PharmaceuticalsPoe: oh! i get it!Poe: this is greatPoe: [nudging barker] like the cask of amontilladoPoe: see, fortunato is a character-Barker: oh my god edgar I KNOW

Flanagan: so prospero is going to have this big raveFlanagan: you might even call itFlanagan: the rave of the red death!Poe: oh!Poe: oh! oh! oh!Poe: [nudging Barker] like the masque of the red deathBarker:Poe: [nudging harder] you know, the masque of the-Barker: I KNOW

Flanagan: but Roderick Usher EnterprisesFlanagan: or RUEPoe:Flanagan: where they do experiments on apesPoe: oh!Flanagan: yeah you know where i'm goingPoe: [nudging Barker] likeBarker: CHRIST, SHUT UP

Flanagan: but before the usher twins can take over Fortunato pharmaceuticalsFlanagan: the CEO Rufus Griswold stands in their wayPoe: boo! boo! i hate that guy!Poe: i don't know why i just instinctively hate this characterPoe: i hope he gets his!