Midnight Pals: The Magician (Patreon)

W. Somerset Maugham: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the magicianMaugham: so there's this evil magicianAleister Crowley: hell yeahMaugham: and he totally blew the big game against McKinley HighCrowley: heyCrowley: hey wait a minute

Maugham: anyway this magician in my story? he really sucksCrowley: what are you trying to pull here, man? you making fun of me?Crowley: I'm the great beast! THE GREAT BEAST!!!Crowley: DO WHAT THOU WILT!!Crowley: I'LL STICK YOU IN A LOCKER, NERDLINGER!Maugham: come at me bro

Maugham: c'mon broMaugham: do itCrowley:Crowley: naw i uhCrowley: i wouldn't want to bruise my punching armCrowley: right before the big gameCrowley: coach says i gotta stay prime

Maugham: also this magician kicks a dogKoontz: what?! no!Koontz: you didn't really kick a dog did you aleister?Crowley: alright that is ITCrowley: this nerd is going DOWN!!

Crowley: whatever, this story sucks anywayCrowley: it's totally just plagiarizedCrowley: totally plagiarized fromCrowley:Crowley: something, probablyCrowley:Crowley: i'm gonna post that call-out

Maugham: yeah this magician just totally choked in the final play, couldn't even score a touch downCrowley: hey wait a second!Crowley: is this story making fun of me?!Barker: oh why would anyone make fun of you, aleister?Barker: you in your big pyramid hat

Crowley: what's wrong with my pyramid hat?!Barker: oh no nothing it's great, you definitely look super coolCrowley: my hat is COOLCrowley: this nerd is TOAST!Leah Hirsig: no babe don't do it he's not worth itCrowley: sorry babe i gotta pound this nerdCrowley: NOBODY MESSES WITH THE GREAT BEAST!

Barker: oo we're all real scaredPoe: clive don't provoke himBarker: yeah i'm so scaredBarker: so scared of aleister and his big pyramid hatCrowley: [angrily] this is the hat of a man who pulls massive amounts of pussy!!!

Crowley: I get laid ALL the time!Barker: sure palCrowley: like, SO MANY scarlet womenBarker: rightCrowley: CHICKS DIG THE PYRAMID HAT!Barker: sure they doCrowley: ICrowley: SHUT UPCrowley: I'LL PUT YOU IN A LOCKER!

Crowley: I'M THE GREAT BEAST!Crowley: girls can't get enough of the pyramid hat!Barker: oh yeah? name twoCrowley: well there's leah hereBarker: uh huhCrowley: andCrowley:Barker: and?Crowley: SHUT UP i'm thinking

Crowley: there's Victor NeuburgBarker:Barker: victor neuburg huh?Crowley: no i meanBarker: didn't know you had it in youCrowley: it's not like thatBarker: sureCrowley: i only fucked him to manifest thoth in a thelemite ritualCrowley: it's not like i like him or anything