Midnight Pals: the beard is blue (Patreon)

Anna Biller: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of bluebeard's castleMary Shelley: sup fuckers?Shelley: you telling a gothic story here?Biller: it's not gothic, it just uses classic story telling elements of gothicBiller: it's its own original thingShelley: oh yeah yeah i'll be the judge of thatShelley: seein' as i invented gothic and allBiller: it's not gothic, it just uses classic-

Biller: it's not like angela's bluebeard storyBiller: very differentBiller: but let me explain angela's story in detailBiller: blow by blowBiller: for pages

Biller: this woman goes to a spooky secluded manorBiller: like daphne du maurier's rebeccaBiller: with a brooding aristocratic husbandBiller: like Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights!Biller: and she has a sweet heavenly voiceBiller: like urkel!

Biller: this part of my story is a reference to Jane EyreBiller: you guys might not have heard of it, its pretty obscureBiller: don't worry, i'll just grind the story to a halt so that i can describe jane eyreBiller: and this bit is a reference to draculaBarker: oh my god its like gothic ernest klinePoe: clive, be nice

Biller: anyway eventually she kinda just putters around until her brooding husband poisons herBiller: and there was nothing she could do to avoid itBiller: real girl boss hours

Shelley: what, she just gets poisoned?Shelley: couldn't be meShelley: if i was there, i would have shivved that bastard but goodBiller: UM no actuallyBiller: that wouldn't work!Biller: there's a whole concluding chapter about how stupid you, the reader, are for thinking she escapeShelley: rip to her but i'm different

Biller: so what do you think?Mary Shelley: i like the bit where you just repeated angela's versionPoe: clivePoe: no wait i meanPoe: maryAngela Carter: no no i can see why she might like that part

Biller: the important thing about my work is to know that women and men should stay in their lanes and follow the strict rules of their genderPatricia Highsmith: poison's a broad's thingBiller: excuse me?!Highsmith: that's how a dame does a murderHighsmith: a real man does a murder with his handsBiller:Highsmith: or a boat oar

Highsmith: see, my ripley-Biller: oh god again with the ripleyBiller: always with your OC patricia! we're all tired of hearing about your OC!Shelley: no patricia's right, killing a guy with a boat oar is coolShelley: poison's sissy shitShelley: i like how ripley does all those murdersShelley: fucker's got styleHighsmith: that's what i've been saying!

Anna Biller: see, Bluebeard's castle is all about how men are men (evil) and women are women (stupid)Biller: as opposed to the love witch, which was about how men are men (stupid) and women are women (evil)