Midnight Pals: The First Omen (Patreon)

Arkasha Stevenson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the first omen Stevenson: things about to get real catholic here William Peter Blatty: yes.. ha ha YES!! Stevenson: and even more italian Lovecraft: Lovecraft: oh uh i don't like that

Stevenson: it's about a moribund religious institution forcing a woman to carry a baby against her will set against the political violence of the years of lead Alex Garland: why you hafta get all political Garland: why can't people just make nice films anymore

Stevenson: see the thing about my film is Stevenson: it engages with the moment Garland: oh but i prefer a film that doesn't engage with the moment Garland: hey has anyone here seen adam sandler's you don't mess with the zohan? what a tour de force!! [chef's kiss]

Stevenson: so this american woman goes to rome to become a nun Stevenson: but what she doesn't realize Stevenson: is how incredibly italian everything will be Stevenson: and also its the 70s, which is statistically speaking, the MOST italian time period

Stevenson: like things are SO italian Lovecraft: [sweats] they can't be THAT italian, right? i mean, it's just Lovecraft: just a little bit italian right?? Lovecraft: right??? Stevenson: it's smoking nuns level italian Lovecraft: [sweating intensifies]

Stevenson: but even better, so catholic William Peter Blatty: yes, yes, i like it! Stevenson: there's gonna be this one irish priest- Blatty: that's me Blatty: that guy is me Stevenson: and his accent is SO thick Blatty: that's my OC now

Stevenson: you know what the omen really needed, though? Stevenson: hot hot devil sex Barker: that is true Barker: the omen DID have a severe lack of devil sex Barker: i noticed that when i watched it, kind of a glaring oversight actually

Stevenson: well, don't worry Stevenson: we rectify that in this version Stevenson: we're gonna flash the devil's dick Blatty: whoa you can't flash the devil's dick! Barker: yeah, that's right, you really need to linger Barker: we all want a good look at that

Barker: like, how are we supposed to see anything when you flash it so fast? Frank Belknap Long: oh it's nothing special, it's just a bad dragon model 57a Willowtongue ® the Ent, 2017 Alt-Porn award winner Barker:

Stevenson: now we are retconning a few things about the omen Stevenson: for example, this time damien has a mom Stevenson: instead of being birthed by a dog Barker: oh but that was dean's favorite part Dean Koontz: i wish my mom was a dog :( Barker: kid just really loves dogs