Midnight Pals: Election (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: how goesss the election? Rowling: did we win? Posie Parker: good news! Parker: if words meant the opposite of what they do, then yes we won! Rowling: excellent, excellent, that'ss great Rowling: wait a ssec

Rowling: confound you, you ssilver tongued devil!! Rowling: how iss thisss possssible? are you ssaying the people of britain aren't excited for exterminating the transs? Rowling: i jusst don't know what to believe anymore

Rowling: ugh! i can't believe we lossst! thisss wasss ssssuppossed to be a sssure thing! Rowling: i had big plansss! sssuch big plansss! Rowling: now how am i gonna get funding for a big ssorting hat to put on school kidsss junk

Rowling: you losst to Darth Farter & Grand Admiral Toilet Sseat! you lost to the joke candidatess! Rowling: at least i think those are the joke candidatess Rowling: this is britain so itss kind of hard to tell Rowling: wormtail look into that for me Jesse Singal: right away mommy

Parker: but dark lord Rowling: you've failed me for the lassst time, wormtail! Parker: nooo dark lord one more chance, please, just one more chance Parker: just one more hate campaign dark lord just one more please i swear dark lord this time it'll work

Rowling: my Totally Normal Party of Bevaginaed Women may have losst Rowling: but at least the toriess maintained power to continue our work toward a final ssolution Rowling: the toriess did win, right? Parker: Parker: uhhhh Rowling: oh goddamnit

Parker: it's ok, labor won! they're just as transphobic as the tories Rowling: BUT THEY'RE NOT GONNA SSAY THE SSLURSS! Rowling: it'ss not the sssame without the sslurss! Rowling: i really wanted the sslurss :(