Midnight Pals: Palmer Mystery (Patreon)

Ray Palmer: listen midnight society i got a crazy story you gotta hear!Palmer: i found this guy, Richard shaverPalmer: he's got a story you wouldn't believePalmer: but every word of it is the god's honest truth!Palmer: if i'm lying, may lightening strike me down!

Palmer: go ahead Richard, tell them what you told meRichard Shaver: there's an underground civilization of lemuriansShaver: living in tunnels under the comet ping pong pizza restaurantPalmer: big if true!

Shaver: after the lemurians abandoned these tunnels, people moved inShaver: but they tried using the lemurians' abandoned death raysShaver: but they didn't realize that if you don't change the filters on the death rays, it'll turn them into derosBarker: oh yeah you gotta change the filters on those death raysBarker: i mean who doesn't do thatPoe: clive you really shouldn't make fun of himPoe: i don't think that's sporting

Shaver: anyway by misusing the death rays, it turned them all into derosShaver: which stands for detrimental energy robotBarker: oh yeah of course it doesBarker: that would have been my guessPoe: clive

Shaver: the deros can use their death rays to spy on your thoughts and control your mindPoe: ray i don't think this man is wellPoe: i think you might be exploiting himPalmer: what? never!Palmer: he's fit as a fiddle!Shaver: also every day has within it four simultaneously occurring days

Palmer: wow! can you believe that's all true?Poe: ray, i don't think that's truePalmer: not true? look here buddyPalmer: its printed on the pages of Amazing StoriesPalmer: all the news thats fit to print!

August Derleth: we're pals aren't we howard? bestest pals?HP Lovecraft: [sweats]Derleth: august and howard, that's what people call us!Derleth: cuz they're so used to seeing us togetherDerleth: we're practically inseperable!

Barker: boy you two really are thick as thieves huhLovecraft: [sweats]Barker: august and howard huhDerleth: you can call us augie and HowieBarker: i'm not gonna do that

Palmer: in fact, i have a little something right herePalmer: linking the shaver mystery to the Cthulhu mythosDerleth: i'll kill youDerleth: i swear to god no one will ever find your bodyPalmer:Derleth: i will obliterate you

Palmer: whoa whoa whoa just take it easy there palPalmer: i'm just tryin' to make a buck here, can't blame a guy for makin' a livin' can ya?Derleth: i will murder youDerleth: i will murder you deadPalmer: [sweats] ha ha whoa by is it getting hot in here?Palmer: [tugging collar] is anyone else getting hot in here?

Palmer: i'm just saying people love thinking spooky stuff is real Palmer: maybe lovecraft thought Cthulhu was realPalmer: we could make a lot more money if he didDerleth: hey mary let me see your knifeShelley: here ya go

Poe: mary don't give him your knifeShelley: it's my knife edgar i can do what i wantPoe: why do you want to see Mary's knifeDerleth: no reason i just want to see itShelley: good enough for me

Palmer: you know what, i'm just gonna see myself outPoe: mary don't give him your knifeDerleth: GIVE ME THE KNIFE!