Midnight Pals: Peerage (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: boy it's been sso trying lately Rowling: the british government keepss trying to give me a peerage Rowling: but i keep telling them 'look, i'm too busy with the transsphobia to wasste time cutting ribbonss at sshopping mallss' Rowling: i have my prioritiess

Poe: why do they want to give you a peerage? Rowling: Rowling: obvioussly edgar becausse i'm a beloved icon of british culture who wrote the mossst enduring british bookss sssince enid blyton! duh! Poe: Rowling: no actually itss becausse of the transsphobia

Poe: ok sorry i asked, you don't have to be sarcastic Rowling: i'm not being ssarcassstic Poe: King: Lovecraft: Koontz: Barker: Rowling: itss becaussse of the transssphobia Poe: King: Koontz: Lovecraft: Barker: Rowling: i'm really good at it Rowling: topsss, really

Poe: wait, so you're so transphobic that they want to give you an aristocratic title and permanent government position? Rowling: yess King: wow! i didn't know that was how the system worked over there Barker: no that's pretty much how it goes Poe: i was getting that impression

Rowling: now they've been after me for a while to accept a title Rowling: and i jusst keep telling them no i won't be dame baronesss viscountesss rowling Rowling: i'm a woman of the people! Rowling: i mean an adult human female of the people

Rowling: but i looked at the requirementss and i'd have to cut ribbonss at, like, 100 tesscosss a year Rowling: that would sserioussly cut into my tweeting time

Rowling: i mean, can you imagine? me? an arisstocrat? Rowling: the very idea! Rowling: why, i have nothing in common with thosse people! Rowling: now if you'll excusse me Rowling: i have to retire to my sscottish casstle and pen another manifessto againsst undesssirablesss

Koontz: wow! can i have a porridge too? Poe: no dean the british government system is very different than ours Poe: see, in america, you can't get major political power by demonizing an oppressed minority Barker: ah ha ha Barker: edgar you don't joke much but when you do Barker: to the bone ha ha