Midnight Pals: Ramble On (Patreon)

Stephen King: hey remember when led zeppelin did that song about Gollum stealing bilbo's girlfriend?JRR Tolkien: whatKing: yeah you knowKing: ramble onTolkien: WHAT

King: [singing] "ramble on"King: "And now's the time, the time is nowKing: "To sing my song"King: "I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl"King: "On my way"King: [performing air guitar]Tolkien:Tolkien: i hate this

King: it's all about how Gollum and the evil one stole his girlfriend awayTolkien:King: the evil one is SauronTolkien: I KNOW WHO THE EVIL ONE IS

Tolkien: Bilbo doesn't have a girlfriend!Tolkien: he's a life-long bachelor!Barker: haah yeahBarker: "bachelor"Barker: we all know what that meansKoontz: what? what does it mean?Barker: it means he's gay

Bram Stoker: i don't think that's what it meansStoker: count Dracula was also a life long bachelorBarker: i rest my caseStoker: what theStoker: how dare youStoker: why youStoker: [indignant blustering]

Barker: Dracula is hard gayStoker: you can't just say that!Barker: yeah i canBarker: death of the authorStoker: oooooo why you--Stoker: always one step ahead!!!Stoker: fine if that's the way you want to playStoker: i'm going to say that pinhead is straightBarker: what? you can't do thatStoker: not so much fun now is it, clive????

Mary Shelley: sup fuckersShelley: what's upPoe: everyone was arguing about whether bilbo baggins had a girlfriendPoe: because of the led zeppelin songShelley:

Poe: what do you think, mary?Poe: this seems like the sort of thing you'd have an opinion onShelley: this is nerd shit for dadsKing: nerd shit? mary, i'll have you know that led zeppelin is actually pretty coolShelley: i said what i said

Tolkien: this song doesn't even make any sense!Tolkien: why would Gollum and Sauron team up to steal bilbo's girlfriend?Barker: why wouldn't they?Barker: damn think about itBarker: they're probably doing spitroast and everythingTolkien: they couldn't do that!Tolkien: Sauron's just a giant eyeball!

Barker: wait is he literally a giant eye?Barker: i thought that was metaphoricalTolkien: no!Tolkien: it's literal!Tolkien: i don't do metaphor!Tolkien: i'm not some CS Lewis-esque hack!

Tolkien: my words! spoiled by some new fangled rock and or roll band!Tolkien: this is worse than when those blasted beatles tried to make a movie about me!King: the beatles? now THERE'S a rock band!Tolkien: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

King: Hey JRR since you know you so much about Lord of the RingsTolkien: I WROTE IT!King: yeah well since you know so much about itKing: maybe you can explain what's the battle of evermore about?Tolkien:Tolkien:Tolkien: uhhhhhh