Midnight Pals: HBO (Patreon)

King: guys, did you hear that there's a new harry potter series on HBO?Barker: steve i could not care less because i am not a childBarker: i'm an adult and when i want to watch a show about child wizards going to schoolBarker: i watch a show about child wizards going to school that's for adultsKing:King:King: ok uh well anyway

King: guys i'm really conflicted about this new harry potter seriesKing: i heard that JK Rowling was using the money to buy a giant meat grinder to turn trans people into sausageBarker: i don't think she's doing that, steveKing: oh, no? so you're saying it's actually 100% okay to support this new harry potter series?Barker: i didn't say-King: Phew! let me tell you, THAT is a relief!

King: this was a real dilemma! one the one hand, JK Rowling uses her money to fund transphobiaKing: but on the other, i still have this super cool Gryffindor scarfKing: i mean, it's got the right colors and everythingKing: it would be such a waste not to wear it...

Barker: steve, i think you should really think about what kind of message that sendsKing: oh right right yeahKing: you're right of courseKing: well, i off to maineBarker: steveBarker: the scarf is still around your neckKing: huh? what? ohKing: isn't that odd

King: [fingering scarf] yet... after all... why notKing: why shouldn't I keep it?!Barker: i think you should leave the scarf behindKing: bah! what business is it of yours what i do with my own things?!Barker: there's no need to get angryKing: YOU WANT IT FOR YOURSELF!!Barker: STEPHEN H. KINGBarker: DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJURER OF CHEAP TRICKS

JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: it'ssss me jk rowlingRowling: writer of the beloved manifesssto Harry Potter and the final ssolution

Barker: oh you're back? don't you have some tweeting to do?Rowling: no, twitter's not really fun anymoreRowling: there jusst aren't a lot of trans people to yell at there anymoreBarker: aw that's a real shameRowling: i meanRowling: i tried yelling at sspooniess and fat peopleRowling: but it'ss jusst not the sssame

Rowling: i'm proud to sssay that i'm going to be intimately involved in the new harry potter ssseriesssRowling: HBO thinksss I've got a lot to contributeRowling: now that fassscisssm is cool again, assssociation with the Rowling name is a pluss!

Rowling: ha ha ha! you thought it was all over for ol' JK Rowling!Rowling: little did you know that all i had to do was wait for the complete collapse of the liberal democratic consensus and the return of violent populism and then my particularly british brand of sstochasstic terrorism would be back in vogue!Rowling: joke'ssss on you! ha ha ha!Poe: yeah i guess it isPoe:Poe: boy it feels badRowling: ha ha ha!!! lick it up, bitch!! LICK! IT! UP!

Rowling: i hope you're posting this on bluesky! i really want to see what the no-avi accounts with names like "politically homeless twitter refugee" and "Sebastian gorka daddy complex" have to say!Rowling: and don't even think of blocking them without engaging!Poe: why not?Rowling: cuzRowling:Rowling: cuz it's not fair, okay?!?!?

Rowling: you can bet that i'll be keeping a close eye on things over at HBORowling: especially on these child actorssRowling: in case they do a gender nonconformityRowling: we're building campsss right now to deal with the problemPoe:King:Lovecraft:Koontz:Barker:Barker: jesus christ this is getting dark