Midnight Pals: Quality Journalism (Patreon)

Jesse Singal: [crying into the fisher price talky telephone] help police please send help Singal: the trans were mean to me online! Singal: and for no reason! Singal: i'm just a journalist asking questions! Katherine Huggins: [ears perk up] just asking questions you saaaaay?

Katherine Huggins: hello jesse singal i'm Katherine huggins, intrepid newshound of the fourth estate Singal: how can i trust you? Huggins: here at the daily dot, we believe in journalism's sacred duty to endanger trans people Singal: how many, tho? Huggins: as many as possible Singal: ok you seem fair and even-handed

Huggins: don't worry jesse, you can trust be to cover this issue in an unbiased manner Huggins: we definitely don't want to bias the public by including any trans perspectives in this piece Huggins: i mean, it's not like they're people or anything

Huggins: let's start at the beginning jesse Huggins: is it true that you, a fearless truth teller, were scandalously yelled at online merely for asking reasonable questions? Singal: wow! yeah! Singal: that's exactly what happened! Huggins: is it also true that trans people smell bad and can't dress? Singal: you really did your research!

Huggins: i'm here to get the real scoop jesse Huggins: tell me your side of the story Singal: ok so there were trans people existing on the internet Huggins: whoa whoa whoa!!! stop right there!! Huggins: just out there, on the internet??? where anyone could see them? Singal: yeah i know, right? Huggins: i'm going to be sick

Singal: so these trans people were existing on the internet Singal: and i thought "well!" Singal: "we'll soon see about that!" Huggins: truly, jesse, you are the hero that these times call for Huggins: and i'm going to say that in the story i write about you

Singal: so anyway the trans all blocked me Singal: what if they're saying mean things behind the blocks? Singal: mean things about me! Singal: mommy's special little man! Singal: and i thought - this cannot stand

Singal: and then! get this! Singal: it turned out that all these trans didn't LIKE me! Singal: me! loveable scamp jesse singal! Singal: i was attacked by the trans people Huggins: interesting! why do the trans people hate you so much? Singal: because Huggins: Singal: Huggins: Singal: Huggins: is it because you're a fearless truth teller? Singal: yes! yes that's the ticket!

Singal: i realized, and i thought this was weird, that not all the trans on this bluesky website had commit suicide yet Huggins: Singal: luckily, i knew ANOTHER website that is geared to solving that problem Singal: in a final sort of way Singal: if you catch my meaning Singal: if you get my drift

Singal: so you see, it's vitally important that i flood bluesky with my unique follower list of groypers and very professional ivy league journalists who find groypers to be a breath of fresh air Huggins: yes yes when you say it like that, it all makes perfect sense

Huggins: i can see the headline now! Huggins: "reasonable man unfairly pilloried by internet snowflakes" Huggins: that's right, everyone's favorite special boy jesse singal is back Huggins: now i know what you're thinking ladies Huggins: [winking] and yes! he is single Singal: mention that i don't vape piss