Midnight Pals: Psychic Self-Defense (Patreon)

Dion Fortune: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the winged bullFortune: its about a woman who falls in with an evil occult society run by this disgusting slug of a man hugo astleyAleister Crowley: haha couldn't be meFortune: who also wears a pyramid hatCrowley: wait a minute

Fortune: now hugo Astley's occult society is irresponsible and wantonFortune: not like mineFortune: i like my occult societies to be socially acceptable and on the up and upBarker: this sucksPoe: clive

Fortune: see, the occult isn't about orgies and hashishFortune: it's about morals and ethics and carnal forbearanceBarker: oh my GODBarker: i hate this SO muchCrowley: hey wait a minute is that hugo Astley guy supposed to be me??

Crowley: ooo! so you think i'm real gross do you, dion?Crowley: well maybe you'll rethink what gross meansCrowley: when you smell like cat piss!Crowley: I'M THE GREAT BEAST!!! DO WHAT THOU WILT!!

King: oh jeez!King: what's that awful smell?Barker: it smells like cat piss!King:Barker:Poe:Koontz:Lovecraft: why are you all looking at me?

Barker: well you do like cats sooooLovecraft: edgar likes cats just as much!Barker: yeah but honestlyBarker: you just seem like a cat piss sort of guy, howard

Dion Fortune: i'm sorry, everyone, it's meKing:Poe:Koontz:Lovecraft:Barker:Poe: do you have a cat?Fortune: no it's a curse

Poe: it's a curse?Dion Fortune: yeah i got cursed to smell like cat pissBarker: damn that's real roughBarker: sounds like maybe you ought to read up on your psychic self-defensePoe: clive

Fortune: for your informationFortune: i wrote the book on psychic self-defenseBarker: and yet here you areBarker: smelling of cat pissFortune:Barker: and we're supposed to take you as an authority huh?Poe: clive

Mary Shelley: sup fuckersShelley: what's UGHHHShelley: the fuck is that unholy stench???Dion Fortune: that's meFortune: i was cursed to smell like cat pissShelley: someone open a fucking window, jesus christShelley: what's wrong with you lot?Shelley: just stewing in it, ugh!

Dion Fortune: don't worry everyoneFortune: i am highly skilled in the art of psychic self-defenseFortune: using the awesome power of my mind, i will defeat this curseShelley: [flipping switchblade] i got a better way to defeat a curse

Shelley: look dion you just tell me who did this and i'll get em to lift that curse right quickFortune: you can't just stab away a curse!Fortune: you have to use psychic vibrations!Shelley: stabbing is way easierShelley: way easier thanShelley:Shelley: whatever the hell you're doing

Shelley: listen dion just tell me who did thisFortune: it's a mystery, it could be any one of my many many enemiesShelley: it was CrowleyFortune: how do you figure?Shelley: it's always Crowley innit

Fortune: when investigating a psychic attack, it's important to approach the problem methodicallyFortune: first eliminate non-psychic possibilities, like, say, low blood sugarFortune: or sick building syndromeShelley: [shivving crowley] too late, i stabbed him