Midnight Pals: Nosferatu (Patreon)

Robert Eggers: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the nosferatuBarker: oh we've heard this one beforeEggers: not the way i tell it!Barker: has it got farting in it?Eggers: n-no!Eggers: i do more than just fart movies for your information!Barker: this sounds like its about farting

Bram Stoker: this is just a blatant rip-off of my story!King: which one?Stoker: "which one"Stoker: Dracula! i'm talking about dracula!Stoker: obviously i'm talking about Dracula!

Eggers: nope nope this is about a guy named orlockEggers: totally different guyKing: he's got you there bramStoker: no he doesn'tStoker: it's obviously the same guy!King: the names DO sound kinda different

Stoker: orlock is just the same as Dracula!Eggers: oh yeah?Eggers: well does Dracula have a mustache?Eggers: huh smart guy?? does he?

Stoker: yes Dracula does have a mustacheEggers:Eggers: ok but i bet it's nothing like this mustacheEggers: orlocks got an insane mustacheEggers: like a real hoss

Eggers: so here's the thing about orlockEggers: he's got like a huge freddy mercury mustacheEggers: like he looks like the dad from MarmadukeEggers: you won't mess with this stash

Eggers: i know we've all seen the original nosferatuEggers: but i think we can all agree that what would really improve itEggers: is about 3 extra hours of really ponderous old timey dialogueEggers: also orlock should hang dong

Bram Stoker: wait you see orlock's dick?Eggers: yeah i thought you'd like thatStoker: iStoker: i didn't say that!Eggers: he likes itBarker: obviouslyStoker: I DID NOT SAY THAT!

Stoker: i do like that you took out threesome with dracula's bridesStoker: in retrospect i always thought that was a mistakeStoker: you know how it isStoker: women just slow down the actionPoe: i like how many cats are in thisLovecraft: i like that too

Eggers: nosferatu brings this plague of rats with himEggers: just thousands of ratsEggers: and there's one ratEggers: you'll know him when you see himEggers: just standing up on his hind legsEggers: like a little rory Calhoun

Roger Corman: eyyy its me roger cormanCorman: star of da bluesky account!Corman: so where's dis showboatin' rat i been hearin so much about?Corman: i hear this rat's got real star power!Corman: he's gonna make it big in dis town!