Midnight Pals: Butt Toucher (Patreon)

Edward Lee: broLee: you spank chicks?Charles Williams: oh yes, quiteLee: broLee: likeLee: you touch their butts?Williams: yesLee: broLee: that's sick broLee: you gotta show me how you do that bro

Lee: wait a minute broLee: this isn't likeLee: part of that white magic shit is it, bro?Lee: i'm not down with magicWilliams: oh no no no not at all!Williams: it's strictly a sex thingLee: alright bro that's cool

Williams: its actually pretty easyWilliams: see, first you get a swordLee: broLee: you spank them with a sword?!Williams: here i'll show youWilliams: [pulling out sword] i say would any of you ladies like a good walloping on your big juicy lady bum with my mighty sword?

Williams: i say would any lady present enjoy a bit of the old rumbleseat roundhouse?Anne Rice: me!Rice: i was here first!Rice: [elbowing everyone else aside] outta my way!!

Williams: how about the rest of you ladies?Williams: patricia! why, i'll bet you'd love to have a dashing lad give you a right thrashing, ey?Patricia Highsmith: a dashing lad? eh passWilliams: how about you, mary?Mary Shelley: you should give the sword to me

Shelley: c'mon pal hand over the swordShelley: i'll show you how it's usedPoe: uh maryPoe: mary that's a real swordShelley: yeah?

Poe: i mean you can do some real damage with thatPoe: not just comical stabs like you with your shivShelley: my shiv stabs ain't comicalBarker: yeah edgar, i can confirmBarker: they hurt

Barker: wait a minuteBarker: has mary never shivved you?Poe:Barker: OH MY GODBarker: edgar's never been shivved!Barker: we got a shivv virgin here!

King: you've never been shivved? for real?Poe: of course not!King: how'd that happen?Poe: iPoe: i make it my business not be shivved!Poe: besides i'm not the only onePoe: dean's never been shivved eitherShelley: well duh of course notShelley: that would be mean

Shelley: c'mon edgar let me give you a little stabShelley: just for good luck