Midnight Pals: Wizards (Patreon)

JRR Tolkien: submitted for the approval of unicorn fuck club, i call this the similrianTolkien: i know that you all had a lot of questions about middle earth after LOTRTolkien: so this story will answer all questionsGRR Martin: even questions about the blue wizardsTolkien: no it does not answer questions about the blue wizards

Tolkien: look, i don't want to talk about the blue wizardsMartin: gosh why don't you want to talk about the blue wizards jrrt?Tolkien:Tolkien: becauseTolkien:Tolkien: because fuck you that's why

Martin: what's the deal with wizards?Tolkien: there's Gandalf the gray, Saruman the white, radagast the brown, and then two blue wizardsMartin: why two blue ones?Tolkien: i ran out of colors

Tolkien: you have to understand, i was writing in the 1940sTolkien: there weren't a whole lot of colors back thenTolkien: and blue had just been inventedTolkien: so i guess i got a little crazy with it

Tolkien: the important thing about the wizards is that they each embody a different way of dealing with fascismTolkien: Saruman is capitulationTolkien: Gandalf is direct actionTolkien: radagast is self care

Tolkien: Saruman is a real bummerTolkien: he's always like "oh Gandalf the halfling's pipe weed has made you dumb"Tolkien: "oh radagast you're too addled from eating weird mushrooms"Tolkien: see, Saruman is straight edgeTolkien: that's why he's evil

Tolkien: anyway what you should take away from this isTolkien: Gandalf smokes weedTolkien: this is very important to noteTolkien: yes all those black light posters had it rightTolkien: they're pretty much the only accurate adaptations of my work if you think about it

Tolkien: so yeah Gandalf smokes weedMartin: is that why he's so chillTolkien: yes exactly that's why he's so chill

Martin: haha they should call you JRR TOKIN'Martin: get it? cuz toking weedTolkien:Tolkien: oh!Tolkien: i do get it!Tolkien: delightful!

Martin: what, no one's ever said that before?Tolkien: no I've never heard anyone say that before

Tolkien: look, i know you all think i'm just some old fuddy duddyTolkien: just because i hate rock and roll and all things modernTolkien: i hate rock music!Tolkien: this awful, discordant noise!Tolkien: you can't even caper buffoonishly to it!

Tolkien: yes its true, i might hate rock and rollTolkien: but let me tell youTolkien: i love drugsTolkien: except for the space cocaine in duneTolkien: FUCK DUNEFrank Herbert: aw :(