Midnight Pals: Rings of Power (Patreon)

[at unicorn fuck club]GRR Martin: hey jrrt we just saw that peter Jackson movieCS Lewis: yeah it was pretty goodJRR Tolkien: blehTolkien: they never make the hobbits hot enoughTolkien: there are entire shots where you can't see their feet at all

JRR Tolkien: god why can't anyone make a decent adaptation of my work?Tolkien: peter Jackson, ralph bakshi, rankin bassTolkien: not a one of them understand the essence of middle earth!Tolkien: which is sexy, sexy hobbit feetTolkien: big stinky hairy sexy hobbit feet

Tolkien: also whats with all these sexy dwarves?Tolkien: thorin oakenshield should NOT be a dime!Peter Jackson: yeah i guess Richard Armitage is pretty hotTolkien: what? who?Tolkien: i was talking about hans conried!

Tolkien: lookTolkien: i only have 4 rules for lord of the ringsTolkien: ONE - the hobbits have incredibly sexy hairy feetTolkien: TWO - the dwarves should be fucking ugly as fuckTolkien: THREE - tom Bombadil is a capering buffoonTolkien: and FOUR - we don't fuckin talk about the wizards!

Tolkien: perhaps my middle earth is just too epic to be captured on filmGRR Martin: what about in song?Tolkien: is this about that rock and or roll music?Tolkien: i despise rock and or roll in all of its forms

JD Payne: hey jrrt you want a REAL LOTR adaptation?Patrick McKay: cuz we're making a whole series on the only platform BIG enoughPayne: amazon prime!McKay: amazon prime!Payne: is it filmed like a mastercard commercial? you better believe it!McKay: cuz it's amazon prime!!!

JD Payne: oh you want Lord of the Rings?Patrick McKay: well you better buckle up, mother fuckerPayne: cuz this ain't your DAD'S LOTRMcKay: get ready to get POWERED UPPayne: with the RINGS! OF! POWER! [plays air guitar]

JD Payne: alright you guys ready for this?Patrick McKay: wut whutPayne: cuz it's time forMcKay: RINGSPayne: OFMcKay & Payne: POWAHHHHHH [air horn sounds]

McKay: check it out bitches its the rings of powerPayne: a whole new grid!McKay: nothing like the peter Jackson movies you've come to know and love!Payne: totally unrelated!McKay: unless you want it to be relatedPayne: do you want it to be related?McKay: cuz we could

Tolkien: ok how is this adaptation different?Payne: we bimbofied GaladrielTolkien:Tolkien:Tolkien:

Payne: but wait there's more!McKay: there's this wizard that fell out of the sky!Payne: this wizard isTolkien: it better not fucking be one of those blue wizardsMcKay:Payne:

Tolkien: i specifically said NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT THE BLUE WIZARDSMcKay: no of course not it's uhhhPayne: it's GandalfMcKay: yeah yeah that's the ticket it's gandalf