Midnight Pals: No Fun Allowed (Patreon)

Margery Lawrence: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of how Pan came to little ingleton Lawrence: ok so picture this Lawrence: there's this minister who hates fun King: what, all kinds of fun?Lawrence: all kinds Lawrence: he's a real stick in the mud

Lawrence: he's all like 'no dancing, no drinking' Barker: oh man this guy sounds booooooring Barker: couldn't be me King: yeah this guy sounds like a real killjoy King: i wouldn't want to hang out with him Lawrence: that's what his parishioners think too!

Lawrence: he's all 'no japery, no whimsy' King: no japery?! no whimsy?! King: but how can man live without japery and whimsy? King: those things nourish the very soul! Lawrence: exactly Lawrence: exactly my point

Lawrence: so he bans drinking and dancing and kissing Barker: i don't like where that's going Mary Shelley: this guy sounds like a proper misery Lawrence: and above all Lawrence: no shivving allowed! Shelley: man, if i were the kind to follow rules, i wouldn't have any fun in that town at all

Lawrence: so one day he's gonna give his usual boring sermon but no one shows up Barker: haha owned King: aw i kinda feel sorry for him Barker: don't feel sorry for him steve, this guy sucks Barker: i mean, right?! Lawrence: yeah clive is correct, this guy sucks Lawrence: he brought it on himself

Lawrence: so he goes out and who do you think he meets? King: Poe: Lovecraft: Koontz: Barker: Lawrence: he meets the great god pan, that's who Lawrence: you should have guessed from the story title

Arthur Machen: the great god pan?! is it a fearful and mystical experience that rattles him to the very core of his soul, leaving him forever changed?! Lawrence: well, he is changed Lawrence: cuz pan is all, 'hey doofus how about you fuckin lighten up? sheesh' Machen:

Lawrence: pan is all 'why spend all your life being a pinched little misery who just hates on people living their lives? you gotta die mad about it. that's loser shit' Lawrence: 'why not try being chill instead'

Lawrence: and wouldn't you know it Lawrence: well in little ingleton they say Lawrence: the minister's heart grew three sizes that day

Lawrence: and after that, everyone in little ingleton agreed Lawrence: this minister ain't so bad after all Lawrence: and he even got laid Barker: now THATBarker: that is one COOL minister