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Midnight Pals: O Canada (Patreon)

Published:
2025-04-13 17:29:09
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Poe: so things arePoe: things are pretty crazy these daysPoe: so crazy it's hard to even see the point in getting together with some friendsPoe: around the campfirePoe: to talk and tell stories and forget the world a bitPoe: yeah it sure is

Poe: but maybe-King: hey did you hear the president is going to declare war on CanadaPoe:Robert Heinlein: yes!Heinlein: YES!!Heinlein: [doing end zone dance] YES!!!!

Poe: you're awful excited, robHeinlein: you bet I am!Heinlein: as a writer of military science fiction, you better believe me when i sayHeinlein: i love wars!Heinlein: they're so theatrical!Heinlein: [finger guns] pew! pew! pew!

Heinlein: finally! the time has come!Heinlein: the Patrick henry society will rise again!

George Romero: the Patrick henry society?Heinlein: you may remember us from our pro-Vietnam campaignRomero: i thought science fiction writers said they wanted no more VietnamHeinlein: oh that's a typoHeinlein: it should say "No, more Vietnam!"

George Romero: he can't declare war on the socialist paradise of Canada!Robert Heinlein: oh yeah, ya dirty hippie? give me one reason why not?Romero: for one thingRomero: first of all where would all the conscientious objectors run away to?Heinlein: you mean draft dodgersRomero: eat shit heinlein

Heinlein: there's nothing better than a war!Heinlein: i can't wait until we prove our AMERICAN SUPERIORITY by quickly & decisively crushing a weaker country!Heinlein: this time, i'm sure it'll work out good for us!

Heinlein: i know it didn't really work for us in VietnamHeinlein: or KoreaHeinlein: but this timeHeinlein: this time i'm sure it willHeinlein: i mean what are the odds that it'll bite us in the ass a third time?

George Romero: fourthHeinlein: what?Romero: fourth timeRomero: you forgot iraqHeinlein: well now come onHeinlein: that one's debatableHeinlein: i meanHeinlein: did we REALLY lose that one?Romero: AfghanistanRomero: fifth

Romero: what about NicaraguaHeinlein: what aboutHeinlein: that doesn't count!!!Heinlein: who is this America hater?Heinlein: this blame America firster?Heinlein: this pinko commie lesbian socialist democrat?!?Romero: they call me George "comrade to the people" romero

Heinlein: [narrows eyes] that sounds like commie talk to meHeinlein: where did you say you were from?Romero: PittsburghHeinlein: [on phone]and, as soon as i get off hold with this snitch line, that's where you're going back!!

Comments

Gary McCammon

"eat shit heinlein" 😆👍💯🎉 I am not over reading Moon Is A Harsh Mistress what a load of crap

T. Ledoux

I read all my Heinlein when I was young and dumb.

Vikki Vixxxen

I've read the thoughts of a Heinlein fan who says - and I'm not gonna argue with him, 'cause it's opinion, but the gist was, "He wasn't PRO-fascist, you see, he was just saying that in this sci-fi setting it was a government that *worked* and therefore the characters you meet are naturally gung-ho about it," and I'm reading that thinking, "OK, but doesn't it strike you as a touch weird, if you think about it, that the guy was like, "Fascism? YEAH, there's a government system that can REALLY WORK! Let's use that!"" And that's aside from the "intellectuals and professors and whatnot are all corrupt failures jealous of the amazing successes of brilliant (probably military, DEFINITELY armed) genius self-made folks who really deserve success and acknowledgement . . . also sex. Like TONS of sex," vibe that kinda runs through all his books. I even read some posthumous collection of his letters and whatnot, including him complaining about how a publisher wanted him to remove kids with guns from one of his stories, infuriating him because "IT'S *MY* NAME ON THE BOOK!" Pretty sure the publisher's name is on there, too, you freakin' child. Yes, I'm still bitter because an ex's dad (Navy guy, which explains it, really) talked me into reading a bunch of his books when I was a teenager and I liked 'em for about 3 weeks, until I kinda spotted the thread.

Bitter Karella

Heinlein's politics were, like most people's, kind of an incoherent melange, so I'm sure that someone could make the argument that he wasn't TECHNICALLY fash. But I think it's hard to argue, drawing both on his work and his personal life, that he didn't feel a desperate need that CERTAIN PEOPLE should be kept in their place by the grinding heel of authoratarianism and that's fashy enough for me to say that the specifics don't really matter.