Midnight Pals: Orgasm Denial (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello childrenRowling: i am here to tell you about my new womensss conferenccceRowling: where we will finally end the tyranny of orgasssmsssBarker: whatBarker: what the fuckBarker: this time, you've gone too far rowling!!

Rowling: sssee, having orgasssmss releasess thetanss in the bloodRowling: which upss your orgone levelRowling: leading to increassed midichlorianssRowling: it's all very ssscientific

Rowling: the important thing to understand is that orgassmss increassse violence and aggressssionRowling: and therefore it's imperative for the sssafety of womenRowling: which i care about a lotRowling: to ban orgasmsss entirely

Rowling: believe me, you're all going to feel much more calm and centered when you're doing mandatory life-long orgasssm denialPoe: i don't think that necessarily follows joanneRowling: WHOA!!! you're being REALLY aggressssive edgar!Rowling: probably had a few too many orgasssmss today i'll wagerRowling: in fact you've all obviousssly had way too many orgassmssRowling: hey else do you explain mary'sss aggressssion overtly masssculine aggressssion?Mary Shelley: that's true, i've had a lot of orgasms

Shelley: i love orgasms, they fuckin ruleShelley: usually on my mother's graveShelley: with my he/him lesbian boyfriendPoe: who, byron?Shelley: no no the other onePoe: percy?Shelley: no no the other other onePoe:Poe: jane williams?Shelley: yeah, that's the bird

Rowling: with the power of my wealth, i will make orgassmss a thing of the passt!Barker: this is unacceptable!Poe: clive calm downBarker: i will not!Barker: i will not stand by and watch the sanctity of the orgasm be besmirched like this!King: clive really likes orgasmsBarker: You're damn straight I like orgasms!!!!

Rowling: i hate orgassmss!Rowling: and alssoRowling: asss previoussly esstablishedRowling: assexual peoplePoe: wait, i don't get itRowling: nobody doess!Rowling: i'm the wind, baby!

Rowling: we're going to make it ssso that nobody orgassmss!Barker: no!Rowling: mandatory full-body orgassm denialBarker: no!Rowling: tying people up with ropes and chains so they can't touch their junkBarker:Rowling: chastity beltsBarker: [sweats]

Barker: waitBarker: ok umBarker: this is going placesBarker:Barker: was this a fetish thing the whole time?Rowling: what? no!Barker: i think it isMary Shelley: oh my god it is