Midnight Pals: Slapfight of the Century (Patreon)

King: hey uhKing: where's elon?Barker: why? do you want him here?King: NOKing: no i meanKing: he's usually hereKing: it's not like him to not show upPoe: we moved the campfire without telling himKing: that usually doesn't stop him

King: i dunno guysKing: heck i can't believe i'm saying itKing: i'm worried about himKing: what if he's in trouble?Poe: i'm sure he's fine, stevePoe: he'll come home when he gets hungryBarker: for ketaminePoe:Poe: yeah for ketamine

[white house]Donald Trump: so there're these people, see, they tell me that you need air to breatheTrump: i call these people LIE-entistsJD Vance: masterful gambit sirTrump: let's ask robertTrump: robert do you need air to breatheRobert Kennedy Jr: there's nothing in air that you can't get from vitamin supplements and human growth hormone injected directly into your scrotum

JD Vance: there's no mention in the catholic bible that we need airTrump: it's settledTrump: you heard it here folksTrump: we're getting rid of the airTrump: we don't need it!Trump: it's bad!Trump: we're gonna sell it

Trump: all the america hating liberals and caravan sickos say no no don't sell the air, we need air to breatheTrump: then it should be worth something, right? so i say we sell the air. we're gonna sell the air, folks. more and more people are saying we're gonna sell the airElon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyyy donaldo trumpTrump: oh god not this asshole again

Elon Musk: eyyyyy donaldo trumpMusk: my lifa been so full anna enriching since i lefta da dogeMusk: so brimming witha friends anna loved onesMusk: that i almost no comma backTrump: yet here you areMusk: MAMA MIA PLEASE TAKA ME BACK I BE A GOODA BOY

Trump: i don't know elon you were very very rude to meTrump: why shouldn't i crush you like a bugStephen Miller: [attached remora-like to Trump's neck] a just question, my liege

Trump: you said you didn't like the bill that makes me king and kills the trans and bans abortion and ends medicaid and destroys social security and ends AI regulationMusk: yeah but i lika all those things!Musk: i only didn't lika the part where you took MY money!Trump: too bad cuz i like that partTrump: bah bye loser

Musk: mama mia you maka a bigga mistake donaldo trump!Musk: you maka da elon muska mad!Musk: you tangle witha things you no understand! elon muska, he gotta da power to taka you down!Trump: go aheadMusk:Musk: [sulkily] maybe you a pedophile

Musk: maybe you alla pedophiles!Trump: they say this guy is a genius and it took him this long to figure things outTrump: more and more people are saying itStephen Miller: a wise observation my liege

Musk: you a pedophile, donaldo trump! Musk: Everyone, listen up! da donaldo trump, he inna da epstein files! Musk: anna my moral code says i canta work for a pedophile for more thanna 130 days!