Midnight Pals: Barnacles?! For Eyes?! (Patreon)

Lyndsey Coal: ahoy there minnows!Dean Koontz: aye aye cap'n!Croal: I CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUUKoontz: AYE AYE, CAP'N!Barker: oh we're doing this bit again? okCroal: OHHHHHHCroal: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the girl with barnacles for eyes

Croal: ok so imagine that there's a seaside townCroal: where evie worksCroal: laying deliveries downCroal: They say evie fetch another roundCroal: She serves them oatcakes and bread

Croal: now every year, the curator sails into this townCroal: with his boat full of gadgets and gizmos a plentyCroal: he's got whosits and whatsits galoreCroal: want thingamabobs? he's got twentyCroal: but who cares? no big dealCroal: he wants more

Croal: this year, the curator has something new to show the people of this harbor townCroal: something very unusualCroal: something from the deep dark depths of the oceanLovecraft: [sweatsCroal: from the bottom of the trenchLovecraft: [sweating intensifies]

Croal: something from way deep under the wavesLovecraft: [sweats] oh noCroal: it'sLovecraft: [sweats] OH NOCroal: a girl with barnacles for eyesLovecraft: OH NO!!!Lovecraft: A GIRL?!?!?!?!

Croal: no howard the strange thing isn't that she's a girlCroal: the strange thing is the barnaclesBarker: people in this harbor town never seen barnacles before?Croal: what? no of course they've seen barnaclesCroal its the eye thing that's unusualPoe: stop making trouble clivePoe: you knew what she meant

Croal: now the curator is a cruel and brutish manCroal: he treats his charge unkindlyDean Koontz: oh no!Croal: he also has an octopusCroal: he treats it badly tooKoontz: nooo!

Koontz: oh no i hope that octopus is ok :(King: aw that's cute, dean's concerned about the octopusCroal: the octopus's name is ottoKing:Croal: otto the octopusKing: well jeezKing now i'm getting invested in this octopus too

Croal: now evie comes to see the curator's show and she sees the girl with barnacles for eyesCroal: and she thinksCroal: oh noCroal: she's hotCroal: i gotta save herKoontz: and otto?Koontz: please say she saves otto too!

King: yeah please say she saves otto too!Barker: oh my god you guys are being such babiesBarker: i can't believe you're getting all weepy over an octopusBarker: the octopus is ok tho, right?Barker: i mean right?

Lovecraft: ugh why do you all want to save this octopus?King: what's the matter howard? you don't like octopuses?King: i would have thought you'd be really into themBarker: yeah we've seen your browser historyLovecraft: I-i-iAugust Derleth: EXCUSE ME HOWARD ONLY LOOKS AT AS MUCH TENTACLE PORN AS THE AVERAGE MAN OF HIS TIME!!

Lovecraft: it's just thatLovecraft: you know octopusesLovecraft: [shudders] they're so squamous and eldritchLovecraft: they have the appearance of monstrous things from eons past and best forgottenCroal: this one is named ottoLovecraft:Lovecraft: i changed my mindLovecraft: i love him, i would die for this octopusLovecraft: p-please say otto's ok???

Croal: well, if you want to know what happens to ottoCroal: [turns to camera] maybe you should all run out and read the Shirley Jackson nominated "The Girl with Barnacles for Eyes"Croal: available in Split Scream 5 from Tenebrous Press

Bitter Karella: hey you should do more than read split scream 5Karella: you should also buy a copy!Karella: i say this as an impartial observer with no vested interest!Barker: aren't YOU in split scream 5Karella:Barker: oh this is cheapKarella: SHUT UP!Karella: it's my gimmick account, you're not the boss of me!

(Okay, maybe I'm being gauche because I'm in the same issue of Split Scream, BUTTTT Lyndsey Croal's The Girl with Barnacles for Eyes has indeed been nominated for a Shirley Jackson award! You should check it out!)