Midnight Pals: Bra Sales (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i jussst found out that there exissstsss a transss sssalesss assssociate in a department ssstore Rowling: apparently ssselling brasss Rowling: i'm real mad about thisss

Rowling: i heard that thisss transss bra ssaless associate actually asssked a cusstomer if she needed help Helen Joyce: its getting real bad when the trans think they can just talk to normal people as, like, part of their job description Joyce: what is the world coming to

Rowling: and did you know that the cussstomer wasss a teenage girl? think about that Allison Bailey: terrible! Allison Bailey: those teenage breasts shouldn't be getting fitted for bras Bailey: they should be receiving tender lesbian caresses

Bailey: it just makes me so sad Bailey: to think of all the teenage breasts that are not getting fondled by lesbians right now Bailey: it's a real crime Bailey: i'm thinking of suing someone about it, see if i don't

Rowling: i am conssidering legal action, of courssse Joyce: you are? Rowling: i know, i know, people keep sssaying wah wah wah how do you have legal sstanding, how doesss affect you wah wah wah Rowling: perhapss thiss giant bag of money will give you the anssswersss you need

Rowling: allisssson i need your needle sharp legal mind on thisss casse right now Helen Joyce: Kathleen Stock: Jesse Singal: Rowling: a legal mind like a sssteel trap Rowling: nothing getssss passst allisson bailey Joyce: Stock: Singal:

Rowling: did you finish sssuing that vet who sssaid your dog wasss fat? Bailey: uhhhh Bailey: yes! Rowling: how did that go? Bailey: uhhh i uhhh Bailey: i won Bailey: yeah yeah that's the ticket Bailey: i won! Bailey: those TRA thugs will think twice before calling a dog fat again let me tell you

Bailey: i totally won that lawsuit against my vet and the judge said that i was totally right and also very smart and they gave me a big medal for standing up for the rights of lesbian breast touching Bailey: i mean fat dogs Bailey: yessireee Bailey: that all totally happened

Rowling: that all checkss out Rowling: here, have another big bag of harry potter licensssing money Stock: are you sure you don't want to double check any of this first? Rowling: no no i have complete confidence in allissson'sss legal acumen Rowling: i'm ssure itss fine

Stock: hey can i have a big bag of harry potter licensing money too? i want to write an academic paper about what the trans are doing to the soil Rowling: ssoundsss good, here you go Joyce: i want to write an article about how i'm being silenced Rowling: nice. here's a bag of money for you too

Graham Linehan: dark lord i would be ever so gratified if i could Rowling: fuck off Linehan: y-you didn't even hear my proposal! Rowling: get this guy out of here Linehan: [being dragged away by 3 surly terfs] i was always loyal dark lord!! always loyal!!! Rowling: god that'sss ssso embarrasssing