Midnight Pals: Haar (Patreon)

David Sodergren: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the haarKoontz: what's haar?Sodergren: it's like fogSodergren: but more ScottishSodergren: and you know what they saySodergren: IF IT'S NOT SCOTTISH, IT'S CRAP!

John Carpenter: so this is story about the fog?Sodergren: yesCarpenter: well, i told a story about the fog once and you all hated it!Barker: well, maybe now we like itCarpenter:Carpenter: goddamnit

Sodergren: some asshole american want to buy up the goondocks to build a boring old golf course for rich peopleSodergren: but its going to take more than putting on a show to save the rec center this timeSodergren: but when a feisty old grandma teams up with an amorphous blob of gooSodergren: they just might have what to takesSodergren: Mr American asshole, you're going downSodergren: Scotland style

Sodergren: this grandma is out walking on the beachSodergren: when she discovers this sexy blob monsterSodergren: i mean it's not sexy at firstSodergren: but then it starts to look like her dead husbandSodergren: and then…!

Sodergren: these awful americans will try anything to get the deed to her farmSodergren: they'll try to smoke her out, burn her outSodergren: even shoot her!King: hey you know, as an American, i'm feeling kind of attacked!King: you know, we're not all bad!Mary Shelley: shut up steveKing: but we're not!Shelley: no one wants to fucking hear it steve

Sodergren: you know the worst thing about americans tho?Barker: is it their independent, can-do attitude?Sodergren: no!Sodergren: it's their teeth!Sodergren: so straight and whiteSodergren: it's almost like they used unnatural, man-made processes to fix the flaws in the teeth that God gave themSodergren: it's an abomination

Sodergren: so this feisty grandma is chasing American agents off her propertySodergren: and she's all "OCH YE WEE GOBSHITES GIT OFFA ME LAND!!!Sodergren: "OCH SEE YE JIMMY!!!"Sodergren: "AH DOONA WEAR THE TROOSERS!!!!"

Sodergren: in the end, they defeat the americansCarpenter: there wasn't even any fog in that story!Sodergren: sure there wasSodergren: you knowSodergren: in the beginning a bit