Midnight Pals: Fairies (Patreon)

Jennifer McMahon: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the girl who gets kidnapped by fairies Arthur Conan Doyle: ah yes yes yes Doyle: as the resident expert on fairies and fairy behavior Doyle: i can say that's pretty standard fairy behavior

McMahon: but then, after 15 years, this girl comes back Doyle: oh my god an actual witness returning from fairyland?! Doyle: this is huge!! Doyle: finally we'll have the evidence to prove the existence of fairies! Doyle: when can i interview this girl McMahon:

McMahon: actually, see, the interesting part of this story is McMahon: did this girl ACTUALLY get abducted by fairies? McMahon: or is there a more mundane but no less sinister explanation for her disapp- Doyle: it was definitely fairies Doyle: there is no other logical explanation

Doyle: tell me every detail of this fairy encounter Doyle: leave nothing out Doyle: [speaking into tape recorder] interview #5357, 10/14/25, subject J. McMahon, session 1, take 1 McMahon: uhhhhhh McMahon: is he always doing this Arthur Machen: yeah he does this to me every week

Doyle: after extensive interviews with people who've encountered fairies, i can confidently say i know p much everything about how they work Doyle: for example, they kidnap kids McMahon: true Doyle: they live underground and change shape AM Shine: that's correct Doyle: and they're queer Machen: yes

McMahon: this girl is obsessed with finding fairies, to the chagrin of her very logical brother McMahon: he's all "well by my calculations, fairies don't exist" McMahon: and also her cousin, who carries around a big hunting knife Mary Shelley: hey this cousin sounds cool! Shelley: real relatable

McMahon: but 15 years later, that logical brother is all grown up and he's dating this other girl McMahon: and this other girl, she's a little messed up, bad childhood and all, but she loves animals McMahon: in fact she has a Koontz: DOG Koontz: SHE HAS A DOG Koontz: please say it's a dog!

McMahon: well she doesn't have a dog but HP Lovecraft: cat McMahon: no but Poppy Z Brite: ferret Brite: it's a ferret right? McMahon: close but Brite: LEGALIZE THEM Brite: DO IT FOR THE LITTLE GUY

McMahon: actually, she has a hedgehog Poe: Koontz: King: Lovecraft: Barker: King: well now that's just adorable Koontz: i want a hedgehog too! Poe: they are very cute McMahon: you know, you can call them "hedgies" King: oh that's just TOO adorable Koontz: I WANT A HEDGIE TOO :(

Doyle: people, people, please! Doyle: this whole hedgehog thing has caused you to lose sight of the important thing Doyle: which is that we may finally be on the verge of proving the existence of Doyle: [flailing wildly] FAIRY! GOD! PARENTS!