Midnight Pals: Liberalism (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i finally know why the ungrateful kidss thesse dayss have been rejecting harry potter Barker: we all figured that out a long time ago Poe: clive Barker: oh i'm sorry edgar Barker: am i wrong? Poe: Poe: no you're not wrong

Rowling: you know why the children today don't like harry potter? Barker: oh this is going to be good Rowling: it'ss becausse they've fallen out of love with liberalisssm Barker: ah haha ha Barker: oh MAN ha ha Barker: i knew it was going to be good Barker: i didn't know it was going to be THAT good

Rowling: sssee, the kidsss today don't like liberalisssm ergo they don't like harry potter Barker: hmmm yeah i don't know about that Barker: pretty sure it's the transphobia Rowling: NO Rowling: it'ss becausse of liberalisssm Barker: is it tho? Rowling: Rowling: sshut up

Rowling: look, it'ss obviouss that kidss today jusst don't religioussly follow this thirty year old media property for arbitrary and unknowable reassonsss Barker: yeah i don't know about that Rowling: ITSSS TRUE!! Rowling: IT WAS IN THE NEW YORK TIMES!!! Barker: oh the new york times! oh of course!

Barker: oh yeah the new york times Barker: definitely the paper that i would trust to have an accurate read on this situation Lovecraft: you know what they say about the new york times Barker: Poe: King: Koontz: Lovecraft: it's all run by potterheads Poe: I was not expecting that

Louise Perry: hey there louise perry here, ace reporter, with the real scoop Perry: your trusted source for all wizarding world news Perry: you may remember me from such pieces as "we need a sorting hat for larynx size" and "what voldemort got right about mass internment"

Perry: JK Rowling, how does it feel to be the most persecuted woman in all history? Rowling: oh louisse it'ss sso hard Rowling: the children today, they jusst don't appreciate all that i've done for them Rowling: but i ssmile through my tearss Perry: brave words from history's greatest warrior

Perry: the important thing to remember is that harry potter has definitely fallen out of favor for reasons completely unrelated to the author's transphobia Rowling: oh of course of course Perry: because everyone loves that Rowling: yess it'ss very popular