Midnight Pals: Revenge (Patreon)

Dickens: okay listen up, you grinches, i'm about to melt your icy hearts with another tale of yuletide joyDickens: it's called the mother's eyesDickens: it's about this guy who murders a guy cuz he has a weird eyePoe:Dickens: and then his guilty conscience causes him to go insanePoe:

Dickens: i know what you're thinkingDickens: 'Charles, how did you come up with such an original concept?'Poe: that's not what i wasBarker: YEAHBarker: that's exactly what i was wonderingBarker: tell us more, chuck

Dickens: here's another jolly Christmas story for youDickens: i call this the story of mugby junctionDickens: it's about a stupid dumb waitress who can't recognize a cool esteemed author when she sees onePoe:Koontz:Barker:King:Lovecraft:

Poe: umPoe: is this one based on a personal experience?Dickens: oh no no no noDickens: yesDickens: yes it isDickens: i mean, c'mon!Dickens: what kind of stupid waitress can't recognize Charles fuckin' dickens when she sees him?Dickens: i made her childhood magical, damnit!!

Dickens: anyway, this stupid dumbass waitress is so stupid and dumb that she makes a famous author pay for his coffeePoe: that's a little petty, don't you think?Dickens: is it as petty as steve with bryan smith?King: oh come onKing: that's not fairKing: that guy hit me with a car!King: all things considered, he got off light

Dickens: got off light???Dickens: you wrote him as a drunk idiot!King: not drunkKing: he was high!Dickens:King: there's a difference!

King: look, if that waitress hit you with a car, then i could understand the animusKing: but all things considered, she didn't do anything wrongDickens: didn't do anything wrong?Dickens: are you joking?Dickens: she failed to recognize me!Dickens: me, Charles dickens!Dickens: the man who made Christmas magical!

Dickens: i thought i would get a little more sympathy around hereJK Rowling: i totally get where you're coming from, charlessssDickens: finally! someone gets it!Rowling: like, thisss one time, thessse kidsss were being very rude to me on twitterDickens: yeah, i don't know what that isKing: it's like Friendster but for nazisDickens: oh ok thenBarker: wait hold the phone how do you know what Friendster is

Larry Niven: Charles is rightNiven: if you can't get revenge on your enemies in your writing, what's even the point of writing?Niven: for example, in my story, i had my archnemesis kurt Vonnegut burning in hellNiven: for being against the Vietnam warPoe:King:Koontz:Barker:Lovecraft:Niven: NOW WHO'S LAUGHING, KURT???