Midnight Pals: Elon's Offer (Patreon)

King: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] heeeeeey stephano king! Musk: i gotta greata business proposition for you Musk: how you lika ta maka some real money Musk: i gotta opening atta grok Musk: but you gotta be a real epic to get it

Musk: see, we gotta da problem witta da grok Musk: it no maka stories no good Musk: so we need hira a writer to fix them King: grok can't write? Musk: yeah da writing machine i make Musk: it good atta da racism Musk: but da writing? not so much

Musk: so now i hire a writer to fixa da grok Musk: but not any writer Musk: you gotta be-a epic to work for me Musk: you gotta be da kind offa author who winna da nebula Musk: anna da hugo Musk: annd da five (5) golden manbabies

Musk: dissa issa once inna da lifetime opportunity Musk: only da best willa be considered- King: yeah, i think I'll pass Musk: Musk: you no wanna hear da payrate first? King: no i feel pretty confident it's not for me Musk:

Musk: whattsamattforyou, stephano king? Musk: you no wanna work for grok? King: no i'm fine Musk: well i didna want you anyway Musk: you no epic enough anyway Musk: dissa more offa GRR Martin ora brandon sanderson idea

Musk: eyyyy brandino sandersonino Musk: i gotta epic proposition for you Musk: you wanna work for grok? Brandon Sanderson: what a moral dilemma! Sanderson: what would jesus do? Sanderson: [gazing thoughtfully at CTR ring]

Musk: let me tell you brandino sandersonino Musk: or you gioseffi gioseffo martino Musk: only the most epic authors can work for grok Musk: but i thinka you find Musk: i canna be very generous to my friends Musk: i canna pay you one (1) internet, my good sir!

King: so i'm looking over this ad you've got, elon King: and i notice that you're asking for a big 5 author who's sold over 50,000 units Musk: si King: and received both critical and popular acclaim Musk: si King: and won the nebula Musk: anna da hugo King: King: right ok

King: ok and anything else? Musk: si Musk: da ideal candidate will also have 10 years experience 5 years outta school

Musk: anna don'ta forget da most important qualification King: what's that? Musk: dey gotta be EPIC! King: you keep saying that King: i'm not really sure that you know what it means

King: yeah, i really think i'll pass Musk: maybe you a pedo stephano king King: Barker: ahahahah Barker: funny you should say that elon Barker: ha ha why any chance you happen to read the news today ha ha

Musk: what abouta da rest of you? who issa epic enough to work for grok for da epic win? Poe: no thanks Koontz: i don't think so Barker: pass Mary Shelley: you'll be lucky if you walk out of here Lovecraft: Poe: howard Lovecraft: i mean, the epic win is more than amazing stories pays...

King: you can't be serious, howard King: you can't work for elon! Lovecraft: steve, i'm barely making a penny publishing in amazing stories! Lovecraft: that skinflint luxenbourgian Hugo Gernsback is sucking me dry! Lovecraft: just like a luxenbourgian would King: King:

King: but howard! don't you know that grok is racist? Lovecraft: not really a deal breaker for me Lovecraft: don't you remember that i love racism? Lovecraft: it's kind of my big thing! Lovecraft: especially against those filthy luxembourgians...

Barker: hold on howard Barker: i think there might be a little item in today's news that will make you reconsider whether you want any association w the racist child porn machine Lovecraft: what is it? Barker: i'll give you a hint Barker: what's the most obvious, predictable thing that could happen?

[flashback to Little St James island] Jeffrey Epstein: bo y, isure doo luv comiting sex krimes! Elon Musk: [rising from bushes] eyyyy giuseppe epsteino! Epstein: Epstein: Epstein: oh krist this asshole agin

Musk: eyyy i hear you hava sex crime club, giuseppe epsteino Musk: canna i join da sex crime club? Epstein: oo oof um akshully Epstein: uhhhh Epstein: jizzlane doo sumthing abut this Ghislaine Maxwell: on it, chief Maxwell: sorry, elon, this is actually the no elons club

Musk: eyyyy i'ma da fun guy to have around Musk: lmao lollerskates roflcopter Musk: are therea stairs inna your house Epstein: jizzlan cu d yoo see elonout Musk: [being escorted off of sex crime island by hired goons] mama mia!!! ima needa some french cries witha dissa WAHmburger!!!