Midnight Pals: Dead Dobby (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hurry up children, we're all going to pay tribute to dobby'sssss grave! Barker: dobby the elf that you made up? Rowling: blassssphemy! Rowling: dobby is real and he died for your sssinsss!

Rowling: maybe you haven't heard Rowling: they wanted to put a power cable right through dobby'sss grave! Rowling: thank god the potterheadss rallied to ssave it Barker: yeah i heard that didn't actually happen Rowling: it was in the BBC! Rowling: if you can't trust the BBC, who can you trust?

Rowling: the BBC is a bastian of ssseriouss and meticuloussss journalism! Rowling: i would know, i've bought most of it! Barker: most? Rowling: oh you'll know the bitss i bought

Rowling: which issss to sssay Rowling: i've had enough of your nayssaying Rowling: all your dobby sssskepticism Rowling: your dobby critical beliefsss Rowling: they're misogynissst thatsss what they are

[at dobby's grave] Rowling: dearly beloved Rowling: we are gathered here to in the sssight of the great wizard in the sssky aka god to pay tribute to the bessst darn housse elf Rowling: born in gloriousss sslavery, died in horrible freedom Rowling: RIP

Rowling: all of you! we're going to the beach to pay tribute! Mary Shelley: fuck you, i'm not going to the beach Shelley: my boyfriend died in a boat Barker: which one? Shelley: what? i don't know, one of the little ones Shelley: it had sails and shit i think Barker: no i meant which boyfriend

Shelley: oh it was percy Shelley: ain't that right, percy? Percy Shelley: yes dear Poe: Barker: King: Lovecraft: Koontz: Poe: our world doesn't make any sense if you think about it Barker: yeah i try not to

Marian Engel: hey is it true lord byron had a pet bear Shelley: yeah Shelley: why? Engel: idk i just thought that was interesting Sarban: yeah Sarban: that IS very interesting

[at dobby's grave] JK Rowling: pouring out sssome butterbear for dobby Rowling: the lassst of the real oness Rowling: who died after being punched too hard by a fake woman boxer's tesstossterone fissts in a womansss boxing tournament King: is King: is that how it happened? Rowling: i'm retconning it

Barker: why was dobby in a womans boxing tournament Rowling: sshut up!! we're obsserving a moment of ssilence for dobby! Rowling: who died to protect sssmall gametesss everywhere!! King: Barker: Lovecraft: Poe: Koontz: Barker: so how long are we supposed to stand here Rowling: SHUT UP!

Rowling: oh dobby we hardly knew you Koontz: i have to pee Rowling: shut up! it's a sssolemn and dignified moment!! Koontz: but i gotta gooo King: just go behind the dunes, dean Barker: why bother? Barker: there's a unisex toilet right here Poe: clive! Barker: ha ha ha

Poe: clive, you can't pee on that!Barker: why not? there's no one in thereAlan Moore: [appearing in a flash of thunder] foolish mortal! know ye not that if enough people pee on dobby's grave, it shall bend reality to resurrect dobby as a thought tulpa?Poe: the grand magus!King: the magus!