Midnight Pals: The Newspaper (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: what newsss Rowling: tell the dark lord of your accomplishmentsss Graham Linehan: i have something to report Linehan: they put it in the newspaper that i got mad! Rowling: who put in in the newsspaper? Linehan: i did!

Linehan: that's right, my friend jon ronson Linehan: or should i say Linehan: my EX friend jon ronson Rowling: damn, brutal Rowling: ha ha i would NOT to be jon ronssson right now!

Linehan: as you all know, i fought so hard for womens rights that i'm not allowed to see my wife and daughter anymore Rowling: i bet the woke mob government nanny state transss activistssstsss took them away right? Linehan: Linehan: yeah! Linehan: yeah that's the ticket!

Linehan: anyway, i'm not allowed to see my wife and daughter anymore Linehan: and i don't have any friends Linehan: or also a career Linehan: but what i do have is a guy at the newspaper who will let me say anything for clicks Linehan: so if you think about it i'm really coming out on top

Linehan: so my EX friend ron johnson says that i've gone kookoo bananas over trans people Linehan: but let me ask you this Linehan: could an irrational man make this? Rowling: whats that Linehan: it's a chatGPT log where i fantasize about touching blind lesbian sword barbarians Rowling:

Linehan: so my EX friend ron jonson says that i've lost the plot Linehan: but let me ask you this Linehan: would they let a crazy person write an editorial for the telegraph?

Linehan: would the telegraph print the insane ramblings of a deranged madman? Linehan: i think not! Linehan: it's a very respected journalistic institution with real standards Linehan: british ones but still

Linehan: so my EX FRIEND ron jonhson wrote a book that says i sent a poem to the eoin mclove show but it was so mental they had to call the police Linehan: but actually Linehan: i'm also divorced

Linehan: so my EX FRIEND rob jobson says i live in a world of delusions and fantasy Linehan: well, that's exactly what i would expect him to say Linehan: those creeps on the trans council got to him too Linehan: they meet in a dormant volcano, you know Linehan: with the jews and the freemasons

Linehan: well, my lawyers will be reading my EX FRIEND jub rubsub's statement VERY CAREFULLY Linehan: i'm not gonna sue even though i totally could Linehan: but i won't sue for reasons unrelated to the strength of my case Linehan: which is VERY strong Linehan: they should put THAT in the newspaper!

Linehan: also Linehan: did i mention that i'm divorced nowRowling: Linehan: can i have some money please Rowling: no Linehan: it's not for anything frivolous! Linehan: it's for a father ted musical Rowling: what? no

Linehan: i'm 100% sure that a musical based on a 30 year old sitcom of which half the beloved cast is dead would definitely revitalize my careerRowling: would you at leassst get ardal o'hanlan?Linehan: you mean my EX FRIEND ardal o'hanlan?Rowling: oh