Midnight Pals: Salem's Lot 2 (Patreon)

Stephen King: so as i was saying, salem's lot King: everyone in salem's lot is excited because a writer is coming to town King: everyone is so excited because he's so cool and awesome King: i mean, a writer is like a real life super hero Poe: yeah that scans Barker: no lies detected

King: i definitely want to emphasize that this writer is a totally normal guy King: he doesn't smoke weed like some sort of artsy fartsy guy King: he drinks beer, the normal drink of normal writers King: in fact, the more beer you drink you more normal you are

King: anyway this writer teams up with this kid King: people underestimate this kid because he's not traditionally manly and he likes reading EC horror comics and famous monsters of filmland magazines and stuff King: but secretly he's really cool and brave Poe: steve Poe: is the kid you King: i

Bram Stoker: steve, this is the greatest vampire story ever told! Stoker: but i'm worried King: oh? Stoker: well, you've established that our hero is a manly guy who's not a weird artsy weirdo King: yeah he drinks beer Stoker: right right Stoker: but how do we know he's not gay?

Stoker: see, a lot of people think that many writers are gay Barker: get outta town!! Stoker: writers are actually the most het of all professions Stoker: if there's one thing we never think about, it's dudes Barker: how do you feel about cowboys bram Stoker: i Stoker: that's different!

King: don't worry about that bram King: this writer has a chaste romance with a woman that involves drinking beer with her dad Stoker: oh you thought of everything!

King: also, there's a priest in this town King: he's having a crisis of faith because he's upset that the modern church just cares about social justice instead of monsters King: "i can't believe the catholic church has gone woke," he laments

King: whatever, i don't care. hallelujah, amen, chunky peanut butter! Koontz: Poe: Lovecraft: Barker: Poe: uh Barker: no no edgar let me ask it Barker: steve, what the fuck are you talking about

King: you know, halleljah amen chunky peanut butter Koontz: Poe: Lovecraft: Barker: King: it's a thing people say Barker: maybe you say it King: it's a common expression Barker: no it's not

King: c'mon guys i'm sure you've heard people say it Barker: i have never in my life heard anyone say that King: well, that's old and sad, like the glasses of water that they bring you in diners Barker: WHAT King: it's called a metaphor, clive Barker: I am aware of metaphors Barker: but still WHAT

King: the vampire advanced, his eyes sparkling with the dead avidity of a stuffed moose Poe: that doesn't make sense steve King: it's called a metaphor Poe: yes but Poe: are you aware of what a metaphor is for, steve? King: it sounds cool? Poe: sometimes but Barker: this does not sound cool steve