Midnight Pals: Fuckenstein (Patreon)

Guillermo del Toro: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of Frankensteindel Toro: but what if Frankenstein was hotStephen King: do you mean the doctor or the monsterKing: because, technically, the monster is frankenstein’s monster anddel Toro: I know what I said, steve

Del Toro: in this retelling, the doctor is played by Oscar isaacsdel Toro: and the monster is played by Andrew GarfieldBarker: do they fuckPoe: cliveBarker: no reallyBarker: I think in this situationBarker: this is a good questionKing: yeah actually he has a point

Mary Shelley: sup fuckersdel Toro: I was just talking about my Frankenstein adaptation with Oscar isaacs and Andrew GarfieldShelley: do they fuck?Barker: see? That’s what I was asking!

Del Toro: “do they fuck”del Toro: what a question!del Toro: would I, Guillermo del toro, cinema’s most notorious monster fucker, make a film where monsters fuck!del Toro: it’s like none of you even saw the shape of waterKing: oh what happens in that?del Toro:del Toro: they fuck King: wait do they reallyKing: on screen?del Toro: hardcore X-rated swim bladder action

Bram Stoker: oh GREAT now you’re gonna ruin Frankenstein!Stoker: it’s bad enough that they made Dracula hornyStoker: now they’re gonna back Frankenstein horny!Stoker: so grossStoker: bleh! Stoker: why do you guys always have to make everything so sexualStoker: it was better when Frankenstein was a big green thing with, like, the weird headStoker: man, there was NO way yo could get horny looking at thatStoker: so totally good and unsexyStoker: now that’s the way to do itMary Shelley: yo bramMary Shelley: shut up

Mary Shelley: so they fuck rightdel Toro: of course they fuckShelley: I got a great scene for ya GuillermoShelley: what if they fuck on the monster’s mother’s gravedel Toro: del Toro: um the monster doesn’t reallyShelly: [flipping switchblade] who’s writing this story, nerd?